Relationship Issues Archives | Rockwall Christian Counseling

The Unexpected Effects of Trauma in Relationships

The Unexpected Effects of Trauma in Relationships

Amanda Osowski, Kate Motaung2026-05-22T05:16:54+00:00May 22nd, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Many of us grew up playing the game of tag, where someone is ”It,” and everyone else must run from them to avoid being tagged. There is usually a safe zone in the game, where the kids can go to rest when they are tired of running. This simple childhood game is also a profound picture of how many of us are running from the effects of trauma. A common experience of people who experienced childhood trauma is believing that adulthood will be a ”safe zone” where we can rest safely from the trauma that chased us in childhood. We hope that if we can put enough time and distance between us and our past, we will have an easy, uncomplicated life. That we can leave it there and move on. Unfortunately, when we start developing meaningful relationships and friendships, we see a different reality. We begin to realize that somewhere along the way, trauma must have ”tagged” us. Life and relationships are a lot more complicated than we realized. We carry our past inside of us in the form of buried memories, lurking emotional responses, ignored physical sensations, or a combination of all the above. It sometimes takes a person or a memory from our past to remind us of who we are and what we went through. It sounds like a contradiction, but often the only way to move forward in life is for us first to confront our past. The Unexpected Effects of Trauma in Relationships Many of us have gaslit ourselves and our loved ones into believing that we are ”fine.” It is our automatic response to anyone who asks how we are doing. Most of the time, it is all we have allowed ourselves to say due to the truth being too hard to [...]

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Navigating Couples Counseling for Infidelity and Betrayal

Navigating Couples Counseling for Infidelity and Betrayal

Dr. Huy Lam, Kate Motaung2026-05-19T06:13:18+00:00May 19th, 2026|Couples Counseling, Featured, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

There is something delightful about having a romantic partner or spouse. They and their affections are all rightfully, delightfully yours. This reality can be disrupted by infidelity, and one way to try to recover what was lost is through couples counseling for infidelity. When infidelity occurs, it can feel like your world has collapsed in on itself. It’s a devastating breach of trust that shakes the foundation of a marriage. It is possible to face this painful reality with compassion, honesty, and the desire to restore the relationship where that’s possible. Couples counseling for infidelity can be an important tool in discerning where your relationship stands and in finding healing. Infidelity: What It Is and Isn’t Romantic relationships can be quite complicated in our culture and context. There are open marriages, relationships with three or more individuals in them, others who consider themselves ethically polyamorous, and more. This makes the relationship landscape difficult to navigate, and it seems to also shift the definition of infidelity. The ideal relationship in Scripture is faithfulness to one partner of the opposite sex. As there are different types of relationships out there, it’s hard to come up with one definition of infidelity that fits them all. However, it’s helpful to have something to work with. The term “infidelity” stems from the Latin word meaning “unfaithfulness,” suggesting that it involves more than merely emotional or sexual involvement with someone outside the relationship. Unfaithfulness also entails betrayal, which is a breach of trust that shatters one’s previous understanding about their partner and their union. Common forms of betrayal include hidden alcoholism, gambling, chronic deception, financial secrecy, or other concealed behaviors that violate the expectations and safety of the relationship. In many cases, the majority of the recovery work following infidelity centers not merely on the [...]

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6 Tips for Recovering from Codependency

6 Tips for Recovering from Codependency

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-05-13T06:28:48+00:00May 13th, 2026|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

One of the most challenging things to do is to break or form a new habit because the patterns we’re already used to feel familiar, even when they aren’t helpful to us. Learning new patterns means stepping out of our comfort zone and into what might be a steep learning curve. Recovering from codependency can be understood as breaking away from a particular set of unhealthy relationship habits and moving toward emotional and mental well-being. The Need for Recovery from Codependency It takes time for a person to recover from codependency. It’s a gradual process that requires growing one’s self-awareness, finding emotional healing, and learning how to set healthy boundaries. Before we can do that, though, it’s helpful to understand what codependency is and why there’s a need to recover from it. Codependency is a term that refers to a pattern of behavior where a person’s sense of self-worth and emotional well-being are tied to, or heavily dependent upon, the needs, approval, or behaviors of others. The codependent person will often do this at their own expense, damaging their well-being and even their own sense of identity. This highlights just a few of the reasons why recovery from codependency is necessary. Constantly prioritizing others and their needs can leave a person uncertain of what they want or who they are. That loss of self-identity can be quite damaging for your well-being, because without a strong sense of self, it’s hard to make decisions, emotionally regulate yourself, and remain stable. Codependency can often keep people stuck in unhealthy relationships. These relationships can range from being imbalanced to being outright toxic. Still, the codependent individual will stay in such relationships, to their detriment. By spending an inordinate amount of time and energy on others’ needs, personal growth and well-being are stunted. [...]

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Finding Healing and Home Through Family Counseling

Finding Healing and Home Through Family Counseling

Dr. Huy Lam, Kate Motaung2026-05-15T08:57:42+00:00May 1st, 2026|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

A family can be many things to a person. For many people, their family is where they had their most formative experiences that shaped their outlook on life. Family, for some, is a place of warmth, acceptance, growth, and freedom to learn. For others, family is none of these things, and perhaps it is more of a cautionary tale for their own lives and ambitions. Whatever your experience with family, there is no denying that family plays a role in one’s well-being, whether a positive and nurturing one or a dysfunctional one that needs self-care and unlearning of unhealthy habits. If your family has experienced some problems and is not the place of nurture and safety that you would want it to be, family counseling can be a significant help. What is family counseling? As tempting as it is to blame the teen, the dad, or the mom, there’s rarely a single “culprit” who is responsible for the problems in the family. More often, they emerge from the way everyone relates to one another over time. That’s why focusing only on one person can be inefficient and can end up costing more time, energy, and money. Family counseling offers a focused, powerful way to address the patterns at the heart of what your family is experiencing. Family counseling is a form of group psychotherapy, or group talk therapy, which is designed to help a family improve its dynamics and the relationships in the family. The goal is to uncover and address the relationship patterns that are weighing your family down. If every conflict feels like the same old fight on repeat, your family might be stuck in an unhelpful pattern. Family counseling works on the assumption that the family functions as an interdependent system, with family members interacting with [...]

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Bible Verses About Marriage: Being a Submissive Wife

Bible Verses About Marriage: Being a Submissive Wife

Maria Yanez, Kate Motaung2026-04-15T09:03:53+00:00April 15th, 2026|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues, Women’s Issues|

If you ever want to stir things up at your next Bible study, bring up the subject of how a wife should submit to her husband. One side of the discussion swears that the literal interpretation of the Scripture is the only true guideline. They passionately argue that to be a Christian wife, you must obey your husband in blind faith as you would Christ. They quote Scripture and detail how they believe it’s God’s will that they acknowledge their husband as the God-appointed head of the household. On the other side of the argument, the air thickens with skepticism and the fear of threat. They roll their eyes at the “old-fashioned” interpretation of the Scripture, like it’s a relic dug up from some ancient, dusty tomb. They argue that submission is erasure, a slow siphoning of their selfhood under the thin veil of piety. They discuss it, swirl the words carefully in their minds, and note the contradictions between lived reality and their understanding of the printed page. They feel tension between honoring their faith and honoring their own voice. And in the homes of both extreme proponents of the argument are likely marriages that are strained and unfulfilling. A traditionally submissive wife might feel unheard and not cherished. She might feel like her rights are violated or that she isn’t worthy of rights at all. She might feel that her opinion doesn’t matter because she couldn’t possibly measure up to her husband’s connection with God or knowledge of how the world works. The modern wife with an extreme feminist viewpoint might also struggle in her marriage, but for different reasons. She might take advantage of her husband’s weaknesses, making decisions that are self-serving or ignoring his needs entirely, leaving him feeling unseen and unappreciated. Both extremes miss the [...]

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Understanding Generational Family Conflict and Its Trauma

Understanding Generational Family Conflict and Its Trauma

Ronald Jenkins, Kate Motaung2026-03-27T11:02:35+00:00March 6th, 2026|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

It’s not just your grandma’s eyes or your father’s laugh that you inherit. Sometimes the inheritance comes in the form of unresolved generational family conflicts. These situations have echoed throughout your childhood and have probably shaken the core of how you navigate relationships today. However, what you may think is your struggle is actually a continuation of the conflicts that began decades before you were born. They don’t just fade away. They become embedded in the family system, creating trauma patterns. This revelation isn’t meant to discourage you, but rather to enlighten you about all that you may be carrying emotionally and mentally. Anxiety about conflict, the tendency to avoid difficult discussions, or a struggle to trust others could be the result of other situations that were not your own. These could be inherited responses from ancestors who survived through silence, avoidance, or aggression. By understanding this connection, you make a move toward breaking cycles from generations before you. Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs. – Proverbs 10:12, NIV The Hidden Patterns of Generational Family Conflicts There are no family manuals about unresolved conflicts, but they are taught in many ways. These were manifested in small behaviors of your parents. The way they handled disagreements and emotional responses to specific topics taught you lessons about safety, love, and survival. These lessons became your internal manual for navigating relationships, even though it was improperly written. Leaving generational family conflicts unaddressed can create what is called “survival messages.” This can manifest as never challenging authority due to abuse. Your mother may have learned this pattern from her mother, and then it was inadvertently passed down to you as you watched it unfold in your childhood. When this message is internalized, it can lead to the belief that [...]

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The Hidden Trap of Codependency in Church Small Groups

The Hidden Trap of Codependency in Church Small Groups

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-02-12T06:08:00+00:00February 12th, 2026|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Church was meant to be a place of healing and growth, but with the introduction of small groups, unhealthy codependent behavior patterns have been introduced to believers. In the confines of these small groups, there is a dynamic that can inadvertently foster patterns of codependency. Disguised as devotion and masked with good intentions, this trap lies hidden. Caring for others becomes a consuming need that fuels the desire to be needed. This creates a cycle of trying to fulfill that need and ultimately leads to exhaustion. The tension that develops between the biblical community and personal boundaries becomes a complicated dance in a struggle to know where serving ends and self-destruction begins. We were never meant to establish relationships where one person carries the burden and the other contributes nothing. However, in small groups, this imbalance shows up quite frequently and creates a facade about Christ-like love. Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks that he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. – Galatians 6:2-3, NASB Recognizing Codependent Behavior Patterns in Faith Communities The issue runs deeper than a simple people-pleasing mindset. Sometimes, church environments cause unconscious reward and codependent behavior by celebrating self-sacrifice. The underlying motives aren’t examined because members feel they must take part in everything the church does. Members often prioritize the needs of others above their own, and they fear conflict at all costs. They may even derive their sense of worth from being indispensable leaders. Small groups create an atmosphere that promotes vulnerability because of their intimate nature. Members share deep personal struggles, which creates opportunities for other individuals to become emotional rescuers. These rescuers feel as though they are needed and valuable, and others learn to rely on this consistent source of [...]

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How to Stem Codependency in Friendships

How to Stem Codependency in Friendships

Amanda Osowski, Kate Motaung2026-02-06T06:21:51+00:00February 6th, 2026|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

In his book The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis wrote, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” Our lives are made richer by our friendships, and they are sources of growth, joy, and mutual respect. These "unnecessary" relationships provide us with the support we need, making life a more beautiful venture. While recognizing the value of friendships and how they nurture us, it’s also important to understand that things can and do go wrong in friendships. Boundaries can become blurred in those relationships, and emotional reliance on one another can become excessive. This has the potential to lead a relationship into codependency, which can strain and damage the relationship in the short and long term. Understanding Codependency in Friendships Friends rely on each other for a lot of things, including emotional support, encouragement, wisdom when making challenging decisions, and just enjoying life together. Through the many ups and downs that life presents, your friends are the people who go with you on that journey. This is how friendship works Mutual dependence between friends is one thing, but codependency goes over the line in a few significant ways. So, what does codependency between friends look like? Codependency is an unhealthy emotional reliance on another person. This can look like one or both friends feeling like they are ultimately responsible for the other’s decisions, happiness, or sense of self-worth. No one can be responsible for another in the way a codependent relationship function. What happens in a codependent relationship is that the boundaries are blurred, and the two people become enmeshed in each other. They aren’t operating out of their sense of identity and individuality; instead, who they are becomes too closely tied to each other. They become too reliant on each other, being unable to function [...]

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How to Forgive: Dealing with Toxic and Dysfunctional Family Members

How to Forgive: Dealing with Toxic and Dysfunctional Family Members

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-01-03T06:22:48+00:00January 5th, 2026|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

There aren’t any relationships quite like the relationship you have with your family. You can have “found family,” the people you gather around yourself as you make your way through life, and those relationships can be influential and life-changing. Your family, however, is that group of people you didn’t choose to be connected to, and maybe you wouldn’t ever pick them if you had the opportunity. However, it came about, family is a tie that binds. Putting it like that almost makes it seem as though families are more trouble than they’re worth, and more likely to be troublesome than not. Families are the first community we find ourselves part of, and they can be an amazing community of nurture and learning. These communities, like any other community, can be beautiful, but they can also be dysfunctional. What do you do when your family is toxic or dysfunctional? Various Ways Families May Be Dysfunctional When one or more people come together for a common cause, the door is open to issues such as unbalanced power dynamics, unhealthy communication, conflict, and personality clashes. There are different ways for a family to be dysfunctional, and each family can manifest dysfunction in its own unique way. Some common patterns of dysfunction in families include the following: Emotional dysfunction This includes issues such as emotional abuse, neglect, and placing unrealistic expectations upon family members. Abuse can take the form of belittling humor, emotional manipulation, and verbal aggression. Ignoring or being dismissive of family members’ needs is emotional neglect. Families are also spaces where excessive pressure to succeed is often placed on people. Communication breakdown Communication is the lifeblood of a relationship, and there are various ways it can break down. Dysfunction might take the form of passive-aggressive behavior, being overly critical of one [...]

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What to Do with Childhood Emotional Neglect as an Adult

What to Do with Childhood Emotional Neglect as an Adult

Amanda Osowski, Kate Motaung2026-01-02T07:27:04+00:00January 2nd, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

A common misconception is that the things we experienced as children can affect us as adults. However, that is exactly the case for so many. From a child’s perspective, neglect does not always feel harmful when it is happening, and they might not show signs of being affected by their environment. Neglect does not leave literal scars, but it shapes our belief systems. It is only decades later that childhood emotional neglect begins affecting us, leaving us unsure of what to do about it. Latchkey Love In the 1970s and ’80s, a new term emerged to describe many children of the generation. “Latchkey kids” were children as young as eight or nine, whose hard-working parents entrusted them with the front door key on a chain around their necks. The parents would often leave for work before their children started school and return from work late in the evening. Latchkey kids would sometimes make their breakfast, go to school alone or with siblings, and return to an empty house after school. This lifestyle might have been by necessity rather than choice, but the key around each little neck was a symbol of both independence and possible emotional neglect. The times might have changed, and schools might require a lot more involvement from parents now, but that does not mean kids born in later generations did not experience emotional neglect. Latchkey kids are, in a way, the perfect example of emotional neglect because of how normalized neglect often is. When you are a child, you have a limited frame of reference for what is normal. We grow up believing that our family system is common to those around us, and we typically do not question it. It is only as you age that you start to realize that other families did or do things differently, and that maybe things at home are not quite right. Where abuse [...]

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