Relationship Issues Archives | Rockwall Christian Counseling

How Thought Distortions Affect Relationships and What You Can Do About Them

How Thought Distortions Affect Relationships and What You Can Do About Them

William L Ross, Kate Motaung2026-08-25T07:12:57+00:00August 25th, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

There’s a good chance that misunderstandings and wrong beliefs are causing many struggles you might be having in your relationship, you have about yourself, your partner, and other people. It’s common for people to have a biased way of thinking without even realizing that they are in the wrong. It’s only when someone shows them with practical examples that they can begin to realize how skewed their beliefs have been. These misconceptions and incorrect beliefs are called thought distortions, and they are behind many of the issues people have in relationships. A thought distortion is like a lens on a camera. When placed on a camera, a lens will distort or enhance reality in different ways, making everything seem broader, darker, or exaggerating small details to seem enormous. Similarly, sometimes people see the world through a lens that distorts reality. They see the ordinary things others see as malicious and hurtful, and they focus on minor issues until they become big deals while ignoring other information. When you understand which lens or thought distortion you are viewing the world through, you can begin to challenge your point of view and change the way you think about yourself and your loved ones. Examples of Thought Distortions There is a small list of thought distortions, and each one has been named. This is to make it easier to identify and label the exact thought distortion you have been affected by, so that you can begin challenging it. You may have been viewing life through multiple lenses, but it is also possible to identify and challenge each one. Perhaps you draw broad conclusions about people based on one interaction. Let’s say that your partner forgot about your birthday, and you concluded that they no longer care about you or the relationship anymore. [...]

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What Is Avoidance Anxiety and How Do I Overcome It?

What Is Avoidance Anxiety and How Do I Overcome It?

Amanda Osowski, Kate Motaung2026-08-13T07:39:19+00:00August 13th, 2026|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Women’s Issues|

It is in our nature to want to gravitate to the things that we enjoy, and to steer clear of those that we do not. We typically do not go out of our way to put ourselves in situations where we feel embarrassed, out of place, and not having a good time. The question is, when we experience these adverse situations, what do we do about them? Sometimes, rather than face situations head-on or enter difficult situations more than once, we retreat from them and begin to avoid them. When a situation induces symptoms of anxiety, we can experience sweaty palms, increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and trouble concentrating, to name a few. We can choose to go through whatever is causing us feelings of anxiety, or we can shrink back from it. When we retreat from these situations, we are engaging in avoidance. When we use that as a coping mechanism to deal with anxiety, it can often lead to anxiety feelings growing over time. What Is Avoidance? Avoidance is a term often used to describe a way of coping to protect us from real or perceived harm, and it is an effective survival mechanism. When something makes us feel anxious, we tend to avoid that thing. At first, we might feel less anxious as a result. The issue is that after a while, the thing we are anxiously avoiding can seem harder to approach, and the problem seems much larger than before. Avoiding fearful situations seems to make rational sense, but in truth, it actually increases and fortifies our fears. While this is the most common result of avoidance, there are some benefits to avoidance. Not all avoidance is unnecessary. The nervous system does a good job of helping us avoid things that can truly harm us. It is when we associate harm with things that are not harmful that we experience difficulties. For instance, if you eat at a particular restaurant and get food [...]

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Strangely Specific Signs of Social Anxiety

Strangely Specific Signs of Social Anxiety

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-08-28T10:15:09+00:00August 10th, 2026|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they must confront the thing that makes them most anxious. This might be traveling by airplane, having to address a room of hundreds of people, or, for those with social anxiety, it might be something as simple as answering the phone. The signs of social anxiety can be so unexpected that it’s easy to be dismissive of someone’s struggle. People with social anxiety frequently think of themselves as introverted or even quirky because they haven’t found a sufficient explanation for their anxieties. Whatever is happening beneath the surface, it is something that can be resolved. It may feel debilitating now, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Imperfect Comparisons How often do we look at our peers and marvel at their confidence, tenacity, or success? We might envy their communication skills or their ability to hold the attention of the entire room when they speak. We can’t see their anxiety each time they speak, or the long road they have taken to find success. It’s fine to compare ourselves to others if it inspires us to improve certain things. However, comparison so often makes us feel worse about ourselves, even when we can’t see things like hidden social anxiety. Outwardly, a person might not display any signs of social anxiety, but just because we cannot see it does not mean it isn’t there. Perhaps they spent decades confronting their fears before they reached the point where they could confidently communicate with crowds. It’s not a bad idea to aspire to have someone else’s levels of confidence or communication skills. Keep in mind, though, that people are like icebergs; only a small part of them is visible. Filling in the Gaps Our brains have a wonderful ability to fill in the [...]

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Navigating Conflict in the Workplace as a Manager

Navigating Conflict in the Workplace as a Manager

Ronald Jenkins, Kate Motaung2026-07-16T08:24:54+00:00July 16th, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Professional Development, Relationship Issues, Women’s Issues|

Conflict is inevitable in any place where people meet together daily. In a workplace, agreements and progress coexist with personality clashes and other issues that you might feel unqualified to handle as a manager. No matter the amount of training and experience you have, you will face conflict in the workplace at some point, and you might struggle to deal with it. By nature, being in a management position means being a bridge between different departments and levels of leadership, as well as a bridge between workers when they are divided over an issue. While you might have departments like Human Resources and leaders in upper management for support, there will be times when you must step into the role of mediator. Part of your job is to ensure that conflict is resolved and progress can continue. Sometimes you will feel stretched beyond your capacity as you focus on your personal responsibilities and goals, while motivating, directing, and confronting workers in your department. Conflict in the workplace is not only common, but it is often normal and sometimes even healthy. It can show that people are affected by the events that take place in the workplace, and are unwilling to let go, give up, or walk away. On the other hand, conflict in the workplace will lead to bigger issues and deeper hurt unless you step in and take control of the situation. Mediating conflict is a learned skill that needs to be practiced regularly. Many managers face personal struggles in this area. If you are willing to be self-reflective and unbiased when approaching and confronting conflict, it will help. Always a Personal Issue Even when conflict in the workplace does not involve you and require your leadership, it still impacts you emotionally and mentally. You might not realize [...]

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5 “As” for Dealing with Resentment in Marriage

5 “As” for Dealing with Resentment in Marriage

Dr. Huy Lam, Kate Motaung2026-07-07T06:31:28+00:00July 7th, 2026|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

A perfect marriage does not exist. Some marriages are struggling, some are flourishing and healthy, some are dysfunctional, characterized by resentment, and some are happy. But perfect marriages – meaning marriages where there are no issues and all needs and expectations are met as desired – are quite likely an ideal that is rarely, if ever, realized. In any given marriage, there are two people with distinct personalities, needs, stresses, gifts, and abilities. Even with the best of intentions, two such imperfect people are bound to offend one another, either through what they do or what they leave undone. When that happens, the couple can deal with it in ways that bring life to the marriage, or they can address it in ways that spark anger and cause the situation to spiral further downward. Resentment is one of the sentiments that can take root in a marriage and undermine its health. Dealing with it swiftly and decisively is one of the best things you can do to help you and your spouse toward a happier marriage. What is resentment? Resentment is the feeling of anger or indignation that often results when a person is treated unfairly, taken advantage of, or emotionally wounded in any other way. It is a complex and multilayered emotion that combines disappointment, disgust, and anger. Resentment can set in after a single incident, but it often takes root after a pattern of behavior emerges. Resentment often compounds over time. When we feel resentful toward a person, it can present in a variety of ways. It could look like us pretending to be happy and smiling at them to cover our true feelings toward them, or it manifests in speaking in a sarcastic or demeaning way to or about the person we feel resentful toward. What can [...]

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Hard Lessons from Grief: How Trauma Reveals Your Real “Family”

Hard Lessons from Grief: How Trauma Reveals Your Real “Family”

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2026-06-19T05:33:09+00:00June 19th, 2026|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Words can be empty. The painful truth is that you won’t truly know who your real friends are, who rightly belong in your “chosen family,” until a crisis hits. Grief and trauma serve as a crucible, testing the mettle of every relationship you hold. A true friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. – Walter Winchell What’s a friend? The word “friend” is often used loosely and is hard to define. Some people consider acquaintances their friends, and others save that label for those who are actively participating in their lives. Most people would agree that a friend is a person you have a bond of mutual affection with, someone you trust and who supports you. Some might define a friend as someone you enjoy being around and sharing experiences with. Others might say that a friend is simply someone you can rely on. In short, most would agree that a friend is someone you choose to have in your life and, perhaps more importantly, someone who chooses you back. When life is easy, friendships are also relatively easy to come by. Everyone loves to be around people who are in good moods, who share generously, and make life a little more exciting. But a true friend is a little harder to come by. A true friend is someone who sticks with you, even when life gets complicated, and shows up when things get hard. They will be there for you when you’re grieving, stressed, or facing challenges. The Vulnerability of Grief Grief makes you sad, tired, and overwhelmed. It strips away both distractions and security and makes you feel vulnerable and fragile. In this state of mind, you will need support, comfort, and maybe a shoulder to cry on more than [...]

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The Unexpected Effects of Trauma in Relationships

The Unexpected Effects of Trauma in Relationships

Amanda Osowski, Kate Motaung2026-05-22T05:16:54+00:00May 22nd, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Many of us grew up playing the game of tag, where someone is ”It,” and everyone else must run from them to avoid being tagged. There is usually a safe zone in the game, where the kids can go to rest when they are tired of running. This simple childhood game is also a profound picture of how many of us are running from the effects of trauma. A common experience of people who experienced childhood trauma is believing that adulthood will be a ”safe zone” where we can rest safely from the trauma that chased us in childhood. We hope that if we can put enough time and distance between us and our past, we will have an easy, uncomplicated life. That we can leave it there and move on. Unfortunately, when we start developing meaningful relationships and friendships, we see a different reality. We begin to realize that somewhere along the way, trauma must have ”tagged” us. Life and relationships are a lot more complicated than we realized. We carry our past inside of us in the form of buried memories, lurking emotional responses, ignored physical sensations, or a combination of all the above. It sometimes takes a person or a memory from our past to remind us of who we are and what we went through. It sounds like a contradiction, but often the only way to move forward in life is for us first to confront our past. The Unexpected Effects of Trauma in Relationships Many of us have gaslit ourselves and our loved ones into believing that we are ”fine.” It is our automatic response to anyone who asks how we are doing. Most of the time, it is all we have allowed ourselves to say due to the truth being too hard to [...]

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Navigating Couples Counseling for Infidelity and Betrayal

Navigating Couples Counseling for Infidelity and Betrayal

Dr. Huy Lam, Kate Motaung2026-05-19T06:13:18+00:00May 19th, 2026|Couples Counseling, Featured, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

There is something delightful about having a romantic partner or spouse. They and their affections are all rightfully, delightfully yours. This reality can be disrupted by infidelity, and one way to try to recover what was lost is through couples counseling for infidelity. When infidelity occurs, it can feel like your world has collapsed in on itself. It’s a devastating breach of trust that shakes the foundation of a marriage. It is possible to face this painful reality with compassion, honesty, and the desire to restore the relationship where that’s possible. Couples counseling for infidelity can be an important tool in discerning where your relationship stands and in finding healing. Infidelity: What It Is and Isn’t Romantic relationships can be quite complicated in our culture and context. There are open marriages, relationships with three or more individuals in them, others who consider themselves ethically polyamorous, and more. This makes the relationship landscape difficult to navigate, and it seems to also shift the definition of infidelity. The ideal relationship in Scripture is faithfulness to one partner of the opposite sex. As there are different types of relationships out there, it’s hard to come up with one definition of infidelity that fits them all. However, it’s helpful to have something to work with. The term “infidelity” stems from the Latin word meaning “unfaithfulness,” suggesting that it involves more than merely emotional or sexual involvement with someone outside the relationship. Unfaithfulness also entails betrayal, which is a breach of trust that shatters one’s previous understanding about their partner and their union. Common forms of betrayal include hidden alcoholism, gambling, chronic deception, financial secrecy, or other concealed behaviors that violate the expectations and safety of the relationship. In many cases, the majority of the recovery work following infidelity centers not merely on the [...]

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6 Tips for Recovering from Codependency

6 Tips for Recovering from Codependency

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-05-13T06:28:48+00:00May 13th, 2026|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

One of the most challenging things to do is to break or form a new habit because the patterns we’re already used to feel familiar, even when they aren’t helpful to us. Learning new patterns means stepping out of our comfort zone and into what might be a steep learning curve. Recovering from codependency can be understood as breaking away from a particular set of unhealthy relationship habits and moving toward emotional and mental well-being. The Need for Recovery from Codependency It takes time for a person to recover from codependency. It’s a gradual process that requires growing one’s self-awareness, finding emotional healing, and learning how to set healthy boundaries. Before we can do that, though, it’s helpful to understand what codependency is and why there’s a need to recover from it. Codependency is a term that refers to a pattern of behavior where a person’s sense of self-worth and emotional well-being are tied to, or heavily dependent upon, the needs, approval, or behaviors of others. The codependent person will often do this at their own expense, damaging their well-being and even their own sense of identity. This highlights just a few of the reasons why recovery from codependency is necessary. Constantly prioritizing others and their needs can leave a person uncertain of what they want or who they are. That loss of self-identity can be quite damaging for your well-being, because without a strong sense of self, it’s hard to make decisions, emotionally regulate yourself, and remain stable. Codependency can often keep people stuck in unhealthy relationships. These relationships can range from being imbalanced to being outright toxic. Still, the codependent individual will stay in such relationships, to their detriment. By spending an inordinate amount of time and energy on others’ needs, personal growth and well-being are stunted. [...]

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Finding Healing and Home Through Family Counseling

Finding Healing and Home Through Family Counseling

Dr. Huy Lam, Kate Motaung2026-05-15T08:57:42+00:00May 1st, 2026|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

A family can be many things to a person. For many people, their family is where they had their most formative experiences that shaped their outlook on life. Family, for some, is a place of warmth, acceptance, growth, and freedom to learn. For others, family is none of these things, and perhaps it is more of a cautionary tale for their own lives and ambitions. Whatever your experience with family, there is no denying that family plays a role in one’s well-being, whether a positive and nurturing one or a dysfunctional one that needs self-care and unlearning of unhealthy habits. If your family has experienced some problems and is not the place of nurture and safety that you would want it to be, family counseling can be a significant help. What is family counseling? As tempting as it is to blame the teen, the dad, or the mom, there’s rarely a single “culprit” who is responsible for the problems in the family. More often, they emerge from the way everyone relates to one another over time. That’s why focusing only on one person can be inefficient and can end up costing more time, energy, and money. Family counseling offers a focused, powerful way to address the patterns at the heart of what your family is experiencing. Family counseling is a form of group psychotherapy, or group talk therapy, which is designed to help a family improve its dynamics and the relationships in the family. The goal is to uncover and address the relationship patterns that are weighing your family down. If every conflict feels like the same old fight on repeat, your family might be stuck in an unhelpful pattern. Family counseling works on the assumption that the family functions as an interdependent system, with family members interacting with [...]

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