Individual Counseling

Over the last few years, the term gaslighting has become a part of the common vernacular, with most people vaguely aware that it refers to abusive behavior of some kind. The fact is that it is a specific type of emotional manipulation done by someone wanting to avoid being held accountable for their actions. When you understand how people use it, the effectiveness of gaslighting behavior lessens, and you can confront the real issues in the relationship. What is Gaslighting? The term first appeared in a stage play called “Gas Light,” in which a wife notices minute details around her house that point to her husband having an affair. Specifically, she notices that each morning the gas lights, which she turned off before bed each night, are often on in the morning before her husband wakes up. She confronts him with this and accuses him of sneaking out each night while she sleeps, but he repeatedly turns the accusations back on her, questioning her sanity and perception. She begins thinking that she imagined seeing things and feels cruel for having accused her husband of infidelity. Meanwhile, he successfully evades accountability and continues his unfaithfulness, with the only consequence being his wife’s declining mental and emotional health. At its core, gaslighting is a combination of emotional manipulation and psychological control that erodes a person’s self-esteem and destabilizes their mental health. It is almost exclusively spoken about in the context of romantic relationships, but it is a tactic used by people in any relationship that has a power dynamic. Parents, bosses, co-workers, politicians, and leaders in various fields might gaslight those in their sphere of influence to get their way. The person doing the gaslighting wants to retain their power in the relationship so that they can avoid accountability for toxic [...]

Complicated relationships are a common part of human experience and may arise in any area of our lives. A mother dies and her siblings don’t offer any support to her children. Her kids feel betrayed but are obligated to deal with the aloof or hostile extended family while grieving. Divorced parents constantly fight over parenting choices but are forced to communicate because they are bound together by their shared children. High school friends continue to be in each other’s lives even though one of them realizes that the other is toxic, yet they are tied to each other due to multiple mutual friends. These are just a few examples of a complicated relationship, but there are many others such as business partners and co-workers, neighbors, and church-related relationships. You might think that if a relationship becomes complicated, you could just walk away. But there are many instances when walking away isn’t so simple. If you are co-parenting after a complicated divorce, are in business with a family member, or have a long and intertwined relationship with someone, it might not be easy to walk away, even if it gets toxic and complicated. Tips for navigating complicated relationships Navigating complicated relationships when getting out of them isn’t immediately feasible and requires a thoughtful and strategic approach. Here are some ideas to help you through the most complicated relationships in your life with grace. Establish clear boundaries Define and communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively. Boundaries help to manage expectations and protect your emotional well-being. They prevent you from becoming a victim and help you recognize when your rights are violated or ignored. Be consistent in enforcing the boundaries to maintain control and self-respect within the relationship. Boundaries also give the other party a roadmap for interacting with you. How often [...]