Lifting the Lid On Repressed Anger
A couple is driving home in silence after an event, but tension hangs in the air between them. She wants to ask him what’s wrong, but she knows that he’ll tell her that nothing is wrong and that he’s fine. This happens every so often: he gets upset about something and goes silent, leaving her to try and find out what the problem is. If she continues poking around, he will explode and emotionally withdraw for the next few days. He is clearly dealing with repressed anger, but she doesn’t know how to help him without making the problem worse. Repressed anger affects many relationships like this, where one emotionally adjusted partner tries to help their less regulated loved one, with both becoming frustrated or angry at each other. Some people grow up in homes where parents and other family members model emotional stoicism or passive aggression rather than communication. Other people experienced their fair share of violent conflict as children, and now would rather avoid any situation that could lead to arguments or heated disagreements. Whatever the reason for their repressed anger, they reach adulthood without having the language or confidence to express themselves honestly, so they shut down and withdraw. Many of us make it to adulthood having been shaped by trauma and neglect, and lacking the ability to name our emotions, let alone process them. Our upbringing might have failed us, but we can still develop the skills we need to begin expressing our repressed emotions safely. It might get messy, and those closest to us might be affected by our emotional dysregulation, but we don’t have to sit with repressed anger forever. The Pressure Cooker Returning to the couple in the car, any outsider might look at them and not realize that anything was wrong. [...]
