Kate Motaung, Rockwall Christian Counseling

About Kate Motaung

Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging. Kate is also the host of Five Minute Friday, an online writing community that equips and encourages Christian writers, and the owner of Refine Services, a company that offers editing services. She and her South African husband have three young adult children and currently live in West Michigan. Find Kate’s books at katemotaung.com/books.

5 “As” for Dealing with Resentment in Marriage

5 “As” for Dealing with Resentment in Marriage

Dr. Huy Lam, Kate Motaung2026-07-07T06:31:28+00:00July 7th, 2026|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

A perfect marriage does not exist. Some marriages are struggling, some are flourishing and healthy, some are dysfunctional, characterized by resentment, and some are happy. But perfect marriages – meaning marriages where there are no issues and all needs and expectations are met as desired – are quite likely an ideal that is rarely, if ever, realized. In any given marriage, there are two people with distinct personalities, needs, stresses, gifts, and abilities. Even with the best of intentions, two such imperfect people are bound to offend one another, either through what they do or what they leave undone. When that happens, the couple can deal with it in ways that bring life to the marriage, or they can address it in ways that spark anger and cause the situation to spiral further downward. Resentment is one of the sentiments that can take root in a marriage and undermine its health. Dealing with it swiftly and decisively is one of the best things you can do to help you and your spouse toward a happier marriage. What is resentment? Resentment is the feeling of anger or indignation that often results when a person is treated unfairly, taken advantage of, or emotionally wounded in any other way. It is a complex and multilayered emotion that combines disappointment, disgust, and anger. Resentment can set in after a single incident, but it often takes root after a pattern of behavior emerges. Resentment often compounds over time. When we feel resentful toward a person, it can present in a variety of ways. It could look like us pretending to be happy and smiling at them to cover our true feelings toward them, or it manifests in speaking in a sarcastic or demeaning way to or about the person we feel resentful toward. What can [...]

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6 Ways Delayed Responses to Trauma Can Impact Primary Caregivers

6 Ways Delayed Responses to Trauma Can Impact Primary Caregivers

Maria Yanez, Kate Motaung2026-07-03T06:53:03+00:00July 3rd, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Delaying a response to a difficult situation happens often. Avoiding looking at your child’s grades online, looking the other way when you know your child’s behavior isn’t acceptable or respectful, and staying quiet when your spouse’s anger gets explosive, even though he or she isn’t abusive, are all ways a primary caregiver may be responding to trauma that was never fully processed or healed. A simple definition of trauma is a traumatic event or series of events that impacts a person’s sense of self, relationships with others, and everyday life. Trauma responses can be immediate or delayed, and they can be normal and temporary, depending on the individual. Trauma responses can also be detrimental to a person’s way of life in certain areas if not healed. When a primary caregiver isn’t aware of how his own trauma has impacted him, it can reveal itself in how he parents his children. The Difference Between Delayed and Timely Response to Trauma If you experienced trauma as a child or even as a young adult or teen, it can be difficult to discern whether you’ve processed the grief and other emotions that can coincide with trauma. Immediate physical responses to trauma may include restlessness or a feeling of not being sure what to do. You may have excess energy but struggle to know how to use it. Cognitive responses that are more immediate include an inability to concentrate or struggling to discern the time lapse during a traumatic event. However, delayed response to the same trauma may be that instead of struggling to concentrate, you detach yourself from responsibilities that would require concentration. You don’t go to work, struggle to eat and sleep, and experience thoughts that seem unwanted and intrusive related to the traumatic event. This keeps you in a perpetual [...]

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What is a Personal Life Coach? Why You Might Need One

What is a Personal Life Coach? Why You Might Need One

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2026-07-02T06:58:18+00:00July 2nd, 2026|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development, Spiritual Development|

There are a variety of reasons people look for a personal life coach. It can be to help them through hardship, reach a goal, or change something in their life. Consider whether a personal life coach can help you grow and reach your goals. One example of someone looking for a personal life coach may involve finances. Maybe you are tracking your discretionary spending each month and noticing patterns that are not producing the outcomes you want. While you can identify the problem, you’re having trouble with the solution. Maybe it’s something different. Maybe you and your spouse continue to circle around discussions about household responsibilities. The ones you’re least interested in doing are the ones he needs your help to complete: paying bills on time, managing the children’s discretionary funds, paying for their extracurricular activities, and grocery shopping. Would a personal life coach help? You could try a financial planner, but this emphasizes financial-only goals. As you’ve examined your spending patterns and discussed the budgetary needs with your husband, you’re in agreement (for the most part) about how money is allocated. So, is a financial planner going to help you achieve your goals, not just by ensuring your money is spent according to your budget, but also by resolving disagreements? What about dividing responsibilities? Is this something you can work out on your own, or is it causing more tension in the household? Enter the personal life coach. While life coaching has received some flak in recent years, evidence-based coaching is helpful. It can draw on the studies about coaching from four fields: behavioral sciences, business and economics, philosophy, and workplace learning or development. What is a personal life coach? At its simplest, a personal life coach is someone who helps others find solutions for growth in some [...]

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Worry in the Bible: Moving from Fear toward Trust

Worry in the Bible: Moving from Fear toward Trust

Amanda Osowski, Kate Motaung2026-06-27T08:27:20+00:00June 29th, 2026|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development, Women’s Issues|

Have you ever found yourself thinking about what could go wrong or what is going wrong right now? Maybe you are thinking about it repeatedly. You may find yourself feeling uneasy or being overly concerned about a situation or problem you are facing, but you find that all that thinking does not help you find peace or resolution. Instead, you end up feeling anxious and apprehensive, with the problem looming larger in your mind. That is what worry does to us. Our lives are full of situations and circumstances that are out of our control. Try as we might to make our lives predictable and safe, it is hardly possible to buffer ourselves from the challenges that inevitably come our way. All of us worry to some extent, even if we find ourselves worrying about different things. We can try to deal with our problems in many ways, but one thing is certain: worrying generally leaves us feeling anxious. We do not find peace that way. Even though we know this, when a bill comes in the mail, you start feeling poorly, when you are due for a checkup, or before an important event or deadline, you find yourself hopping onto that hamster wheel of worry. Why do people worry? Jesus said of worry, “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (Matthew 6:27, NIV) Worry is counterproductive because, instead of benefiting us, it negatively affects our mental and emotional health. Anxiety and worry also affect our bodies. But if worry is so counterproductive, why do we do it? Worrying feels like we are doing something. If you’re confronted by a problem, even if there is no immediate or obvious solution, we feel that by thinking about it repeatedly, we are at least doing something. The alternative seems like being passive, or it just feels uncomfortable. As Americans, we have a can-do [...]

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Hard Lessons from Grief: How Trauma Reveals Your Real “Family”

Hard Lessons from Grief: How Trauma Reveals Your Real “Family”

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2026-06-19T05:33:09+00:00June 19th, 2026|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Words can be empty. The painful truth is that you won’t truly know who your real friends are, who rightly belong in your “chosen family,” until a crisis hits. Grief and trauma serve as a crucible, testing the mettle of every relationship you hold. A true friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. – Walter Winchell What’s a friend? The word “friend” is often used loosely and is hard to define. Some people consider acquaintances their friends, and others save that label for those who are actively participating in their lives. Most people would agree that a friend is a person you have a bond of mutual affection with, someone you trust and who supports you. Some might define a friend as someone you enjoy being around and sharing experiences with. Others might say that a friend is simply someone you can rely on. In short, most would agree that a friend is someone you choose to have in your life and, perhaps more importantly, someone who chooses you back. When life is easy, friendships are also relatively easy to come by. Everyone loves to be around people who are in good moods, who share generously, and make life a little more exciting. But a true friend is a little harder to come by. A true friend is someone who sticks with you, even when life gets complicated, and shows up when things get hard. They will be there for you when you’re grieving, stressed, or facing challenges. The Vulnerability of Grief Grief makes you sad, tired, and overwhelmed. It strips away both distractions and security and makes you feel vulnerable and fragile. In this state of mind, you will need support, comfort, and maybe a shoulder to cry on more than [...]

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Understanding Moral Injury

Understanding Moral Injury

Ronald Jenkins, Kate Motaung2026-06-18T06:57:30+00:00June 18th, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development, Trauma|

Moral injury, also known as a soul wound, is an invisible wound inflicted on your conscience through experiences that challenge your core values. This could include doing or not doing, failing to prevent, being subject to, or witnessing something that goes against your deeply held moral beliefs, spiritual values, or expectations, and violates your sense of right and wrong. It is characterized by deep psychological distress that leaves you feeling emotionally broken. Although not a formal diagnosis, moral injury has recently been acknowledged by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) as a factor relevant to a person’s mental health, even though not labeled as a mental health disorder itself. To recognize its clinical significance, the APA listed it under “other conditions” in a new, expanded diagnostic category entitled “Moral, Religious, or Spiritual Problem” that was added to their latest (September 2005) text revision of the DSM-5-TR, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is the official handbook used by U.S. mental health care providers to classify and diagnose mental health conditions. While initially identified in combat veterans and most commonly associated with members of the military, moral injury has become increasingly recognized. It is seen in healthcare workers, first responders, and others in high-stress roles or faced with making challenging decisions in difficult circumstances. This goes beyond professionals to include civilians as well. Moral Injury Versus Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Moral injury and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) both stem from high-stress experiences. They have certain symptoms in common, such as intense emotional distress, nightmares, and withdrawal. They often co-exist, but they are very different types of trauma. PTSD is officially classified as a psychiatric disorder that is caused by fear of death or danger, and is a nervous system survival-based fight or flight reaction. It stems from witnessing or [...]

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Faith Born in Abandonment: Finding Support from Christian Counseling

Faith Born in Abandonment: Finding Support from Christian Counseling

Maria Yanez, Kate Motaung2026-06-09T06:04:33+00:00June 9th, 2026|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

The old statement, “Necessity is the mother of invention” (Plato), celebrates the beauty that comes from need. There are no catchy phrases to describe every happy little consequence that stems from adversity or need. There aren’t t-shirts that read “Anxiety Begets Boundaries” or “Rejections Gave Me Clarity.” Phrases like this on merch could help us remember these ideas that are so hard to grasp. Sometimes, the pain that we try so desperately to avoid actually ends up leading us directly to the most profound growth and the loving arms of our Father. Abandonment Abandonment is a good example. Abandonment can crush you, leaving you questioning your worth, your relationships, and even your faith. But buried under the rubble of heartache and the salty tears, something surprisingly amazing can emerge: faith. When you’re surrounded by comfort, plenty, and love, your needs diminish. Your belly is full, your heart connected, and your needs met. But when you are left alone, abandoned, and left to fend for yourself, those comforts, connections, and needs may not be as easy to meet. A divorced dad who is used to having a wife next to him in bed at night might feel loneliness when he pats the empty sheets. A widow may notice the absence of her husband most when she walks into family gatherings alone. A child whose parents died when they were young can feel the awkwardness of aloneness when their peers complain about their own parents and their restrictive rules. These are just a few of the scenarios that play out in the lives of people every day. Whether it’s labeled as loneliness, empty nest, grief, or sadness, it can also be called abandonment. Not all abandonment is physical. Sometimes abandonment can happen even when someone is physically present. A husband can [...]

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The Unexpected Effects of Trauma in Relationships

The Unexpected Effects of Trauma in Relationships

Amanda Osowski, Kate Motaung2026-05-22T05:16:54+00:00May 22nd, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Many of us grew up playing the game of tag, where someone is ”It,” and everyone else must run from them to avoid being tagged. There is usually a safe zone in the game, where the kids can go to rest when they are tired of running. This simple childhood game is also a profound picture of how many of us are running from the effects of trauma. A common experience of people who experienced childhood trauma is believing that adulthood will be a ”safe zone” where we can rest safely from the trauma that chased us in childhood. We hope that if we can put enough time and distance between us and our past, we will have an easy, uncomplicated life. That we can leave it there and move on. Unfortunately, when we start developing meaningful relationships and friendships, we see a different reality. We begin to realize that somewhere along the way, trauma must have ”tagged” us. Life and relationships are a lot more complicated than we realized. We carry our past inside of us in the form of buried memories, lurking emotional responses, ignored physical sensations, or a combination of all the above. It sometimes takes a person or a memory from our past to remind us of who we are and what we went through. It sounds like a contradiction, but often the only way to move forward in life is for us first to confront our past. The Unexpected Effects of Trauma in Relationships Many of us have gaslit ourselves and our loved ones into believing that we are ”fine.” It is our automatic response to anyone who asks how we are doing. Most of the time, it is all we have allowed ourselves to say due to the truth being too hard to [...]

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Navigating Couples Counseling for Infidelity and Betrayal

Navigating Couples Counseling for Infidelity and Betrayal

Dr. Huy Lam, Kate Motaung2026-05-19T06:13:18+00:00May 19th, 2026|Couples Counseling, Featured, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

There is something delightful about having a romantic partner or spouse. They and their affections are all rightfully, delightfully yours. This reality can be disrupted by infidelity, and one way to try to recover what was lost is through couples counseling for infidelity. When infidelity occurs, it can feel like your world has collapsed in on itself. It’s a devastating breach of trust that shakes the foundation of a marriage. It is possible to face this painful reality with compassion, honesty, and the desire to restore the relationship where that’s possible. Couples counseling for infidelity can be an important tool in discerning where your relationship stands and in finding healing. Infidelity: What It Is and Isn’t Romantic relationships can be quite complicated in our culture and context. There are open marriages, relationships with three or more individuals in them, others who consider themselves ethically polyamorous, and more. This makes the relationship landscape difficult to navigate, and it seems to also shift the definition of infidelity. The ideal relationship in Scripture is faithfulness to one partner of the opposite sex. As there are different types of relationships out there, it’s hard to come up with one definition of infidelity that fits them all. However, it’s helpful to have something to work with. The term “infidelity” stems from the Latin word meaning “unfaithfulness,” suggesting that it involves more than merely emotional or sexual involvement with someone outside the relationship. Unfaithfulness also entails betrayal, which is a breach of trust that shatters one’s previous understanding about their partner and their union. Common forms of betrayal include hidden alcoholism, gambling, chronic deception, financial secrecy, or other concealed behaviors that violate the expectations and safety of the relationship. In many cases, the majority of the recovery work following infidelity centers not merely on the [...]

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6 Tips for Recovering from Codependency

6 Tips for Recovering from Codependency

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-05-13T06:28:48+00:00May 13th, 2026|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

One of the most challenging things to do is to break or form a new habit because the patterns we’re already used to feel familiar, even when they aren’t helpful to us. Learning new patterns means stepping out of our comfort zone and into what might be a steep learning curve. Recovering from codependency can be understood as breaking away from a particular set of unhealthy relationship habits and moving toward emotional and mental well-being. The Need for Recovery from Codependency It takes time for a person to recover from codependency. It’s a gradual process that requires growing one’s self-awareness, finding emotional healing, and learning how to set healthy boundaries. Before we can do that, though, it’s helpful to understand what codependency is and why there’s a need to recover from it. Codependency is a term that refers to a pattern of behavior where a person’s sense of self-worth and emotional well-being are tied to, or heavily dependent upon, the needs, approval, or behaviors of others. The codependent person will often do this at their own expense, damaging their well-being and even their own sense of identity. This highlights just a few of the reasons why recovery from codependency is necessary. Constantly prioritizing others and their needs can leave a person uncertain of what they want or who they are. That loss of self-identity can be quite damaging for your well-being, because without a strong sense of self, it’s hard to make decisions, emotionally regulate yourself, and remain stable. Codependency can often keep people stuck in unhealthy relationships. These relationships can range from being imbalanced to being outright toxic. Still, the codependent individual will stay in such relationships, to their detriment. By spending an inordinate amount of time and energy on others’ needs, personal growth and well-being are stunted. [...]

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Kate Motaung

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