Individual Counseling Archives | Rockwall Christian Counseling

The Hidden Trap of Codependency in Church Small Groups

The Hidden Trap of Codependency in Church Small Groups

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-02-12T06:08:00+00:00February 12th, 2026|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Church was meant to be a place of healing and growth, but with the introduction of small groups, unhealthy codependent behavior patterns have been introduced to believers. In the confines of these small groups, there is a dynamic that can inadvertently foster patterns of codependency. Disguised as devotion and masked with good intentions, this trap lies hidden. Caring for others becomes a consuming need that fuels the desire to be needed. This creates a cycle of trying to fulfill that need and ultimately leads to exhaustion. The tension that develops between the biblical community and personal boundaries becomes a complicated dance in a struggle to know where serving ends and self-destruction begins. We were never meant to establish relationships where one person carries the burden and the other contributes nothing. However, in small groups, this imbalance shows up quite frequently and creates a facade about Christ-like love. Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks that he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. – Galatians 6:2-3, NASB Recognizing Codependent Behavior Patterns in Faith Communities The issue runs deeper than a simple people-pleasing mindset. Sometimes, church environments cause unconscious reward and codependent behavior by celebrating self-sacrifice. The underlying motives aren’t examined because members feel they must take part in everything the church does. Members often prioritize the needs of others above their own, and they fear conflict at all costs. They may even derive their sense of worth from being indispensable leaders. Small groups create an atmosphere that promotes vulnerability because of their intimate nature. Members share deep personal struggles, which creates opportunities for other individuals to become emotional rescuers. These rescuers feel as though they are needed and valuable, and others learn to rely on this consistent source of [...]

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How to Stem Codependency in Friendships

How to Stem Codependency in Friendships

Amanda Osowski, Kate Motaung2026-02-06T06:21:51+00:00February 6th, 2026|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

In his book The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis wrote, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” Our lives are made richer by our friendships, and they are sources of growth, joy, and mutual respect. These "unnecessary" relationships provide us with the support we need, making life a more beautiful venture. While recognizing the value of friendships and how they nurture us, it’s also important to understand that things can and do go wrong in friendships. Boundaries can become blurred in those relationships, and emotional reliance on one another can become excessive. This has the potential to lead a relationship into codependency, which can strain and damage the relationship in the short and long term. Understanding Codependency in Friendships Friends rely on each other for a lot of things, including emotional support, encouragement, wisdom when making challenging decisions, and just enjoying life together. Through the many ups and downs that life presents, your friends are the people who go with you on that journey. This is how friendship works Mutual dependence between friends is one thing, but codependency goes over the line in a few significant ways. So, what does codependency between friends look like? Codependency is an unhealthy emotional reliance on another person. This can look like one or both friends feeling like they are ultimately responsible for the other’s decisions, happiness, or sense of self-worth. No one can be responsible for another in the way a codependent relationship function. What happens in a codependent relationship is that the boundaries are blurred, and the two people become enmeshed in each other. They aren’t operating out of their sense of identity and individuality; instead, who they are becomes too closely tied to each other. They become too reliant on each other, being unable to function [...]

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How to Stop Worrying: Effective Steps to Overcome Worry

How to Stop Worrying: Effective Steps to Overcome Worry

Maria Yanez, Kate Motaung2026-02-05T05:45:19+00:00February 5th, 2026|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

For some, worrying feels as natural as breathing, and being told to stop worrying feels like an impossible ask. The way to stop worrying is not by simply gritting your teeth and telling yourself to stop. It takes time and effort, but there are effective tools you can use to help you stop worrying and reclaim peace. Why do people worry? One of the first things to address as you seek to understand and overcome worry is to figure out why people worry. Jesus repeatedly tells His disciples not to worry, dedicating time and space to reassure them of the Father’s care and concern for His people (Matthew 6:25-34). Even among God’s people, worry is a reality. We may not worry about the same things, or to the same extent, but we all have moments when worry consumes us. Worry can be seen as a natural emotional response one has to certain life situations. Worrying is when your mind and heart go around in circles over a particular issue, trying to make sense of things. Worry is not the same thing as brainstorming or problem-solving. Worry is repetitive, involving dwelling on a situation or possible outcomes, without taking action to change things. People tend to worry when they experience uncertainty or when they feel concern about the future and possible outcomes of actions. People also worry when they face real or perceived threats to their well-being. Worry engages the mind even when there’s nothing more that can be done. For instance, worrying over a test that’s already been taken, or decisions that are out of our hands. A key reason why we worry is that we have an innate desire to control the situations we find ourselves in. Worry feels like a way to tame the uncontrollable, to put [...]

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Grief Before Its Time: Understanding Anticipatory Grief

Grief Before Its Time: Understanding Anticipatory Grief

Joel Thomas, Kate Motaung2026-02-04T06:01:59+00:00February 4th, 2026|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

Grief doesn’t always look the same, nor does it affect a person at the time you might assume it would. Often, the expectation is that grief sets in once you’ve experienced loss of some kind, but the reality is that the grieving process can and does occur earlier. Anticipatory grief is a form of grief that settles before the loss occurs. This can make it hard to process, and it can even result in conflict with loved ones. Why We Grieve Before Loss Happens It can be hard to wrap your head around this idea. Why would someone grieve before they have to, before their loss has taken place? While it seems counterintuitive, it does make sense. Anticipatory grief is more common than you would imagine, and if you’re experiencing it, know that you’re not alone. Other people have also found themselves mourning loss prior to it occurring. One of the reasons why anticipatory grief occurs is that it’s a way for your heart and for your mind to start making sense of a loss that’s on the horizon, and to start processing what that loss means. It can be helpful to think of it as a way we try to prepare ourselves for the worst-case scenario. Anticipatory grief is also a way to cope with the coming loss. Anticipatory grief isn’t necessarily a replacement for the grief that might set in once the loss occurs definitively. It’s a real grief that simply sets in ahead of time. Some situations where anticipatory grief can set in include when you’re dealing with a loved one’s deteriorating health, when your relationship is heading toward a breakup or divorce, and when dealing with issues such as terminal illness. Examples of Anticipatory Grief In talking about anticipatory loss, it’s a form of grief that [...]

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How to Overcome Anxiety By Setting Goals for the New Year

How to Overcome Anxiety By Setting Goals for the New Year

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2026-01-08T06:10:22+00:00January 8th, 2026|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Anxiety can often be attributed to feeling out of control. If you are a Type-A personality, like things organized, and control much of what is around you, then having your world turned upside down can bring on severe anxiety and panic attacks. Although you cannot control every aspect of your life and must remember that God has much better plans for you than you could have ever had, setting goals and finding ways to make them happen can open doors and give you a sense of control. A New Year does not have to feel like all the past years – everyone else is accomplishing goals while you are struggling with overwhelming anxiety. Learning how to overcome anxiety using goal-setting principles can serve you for the rest of your life. New Year Anxiety For some people, starting a New Year brings out more anxiety. They have tried to tackle big goals only to get overwhelmed and quit, or they press on while anxiety gets the better of them with full-blown panic attacks, which slow them down and result in fear. You can manage anxiety by giving yourself a sense of control over your future and feelings of accomplishment. You may have never considered how to overcome anxiety by tackling it head-on through goal-setting principles, but having a plan boosts confidence, and watching yourself accomplish goals will raise your self-esteem. Let’s make this your best year yet. Why Setting Goals Can Help Anxiety There is a difference between setting a resolution and creating goals and a plan. A resolution is a statement. For example, “This year, I am not going to eat a bite of sugar.” Although noble and health-conscious, this resolution will probably set you up for failure. It is specific, but if you have been eating added sugars [...]

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How Do I Know If My Struggle Stems from a Traumatic Experience?

How Do I Know If My Struggle Stems from a Traumatic Experience?

Joel Thomas, Kate Motaung2026-01-03T06:28:26+00:00January 5th, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

When a person undergoes a traumatic experience, it can sometimes be minimized, depending on how and when the experience took place, how old the person is, or even their natural wiring and personality. However, there are some ways to identify if your struggles might be rooted in trauma. One way is to look at your everyday life in three categories: physical, emotional, and mental. We’ll look more in-depth at how your responses in body and routine, feelings and emotional reactions, and thoughts and patterns may be clues to how you’re really doing. Physical Clues of a Traumatic Experience Physical clues can include anything from practical, everyday life and habits to your physical body. First, let’s explore your everyday habits and routines. If you’re struggling with any of the basics of human existence (food, sleep, moving your body, feeling less than yourself), these alone won’t necessarily tell you that your body is responding to a traumatic experience. But it’s worth noting which of these are out of whack with what you’d describe as your normal experience. For example, if you’ve found that sleep isn’t something you typically struggle with, yet it’s been a weekly or every-other-day struggle since you went through something scary, hard, or unexpected that caused you trauma, add it to your physical record. You can do this by jotting things down on a Post-it note, keeping a journal of your physical health, or just making a note in your phone. It’s a good idea to record the sleepless patterns, however, so that you can give more details to your doctor if you decide to investigate further. Another physical cue that may go unchecked is your appetite. It’s easy to overlook a weight change when we’re stressed or too busy to take notice. However, pay attention to your [...]

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How to Forgive: Dealing with Toxic and Dysfunctional Family Members

How to Forgive: Dealing with Toxic and Dysfunctional Family Members

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-01-03T06:22:48+00:00January 5th, 2026|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

There aren’t any relationships quite like the relationship you have with your family. You can have “found family,” the people you gather around yourself as you make your way through life, and those relationships can be influential and life-changing. Your family, however, is that group of people you didn’t choose to be connected to, and maybe you wouldn’t ever pick them if you had the opportunity. However, it came about, family is a tie that binds. Putting it like that almost makes it seem as though families are more trouble than they’re worth, and more likely to be troublesome than not. Families are the first community we find ourselves part of, and they can be an amazing community of nurture and learning. These communities, like any other community, can be beautiful, but they can also be dysfunctional. What do you do when your family is toxic or dysfunctional? Various Ways Families May Be Dysfunctional When one or more people come together for a common cause, the door is open to issues such as unbalanced power dynamics, unhealthy communication, conflict, and personality clashes. There are different ways for a family to be dysfunctional, and each family can manifest dysfunction in its own unique way. Some common patterns of dysfunction in families include the following: Emotional dysfunction This includes issues such as emotional abuse, neglect, and placing unrealistic expectations upon family members. Abuse can take the form of belittling humor, emotional manipulation, and verbal aggression. Ignoring or being dismissive of family members’ needs is emotional neglect. Families are also spaces where excessive pressure to succeed is often placed on people. Communication breakdown Communication is the lifeblood of a relationship, and there are various ways it can break down. Dysfunction might take the form of passive-aggressive behavior, being overly critical of one [...]

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What to Do with Childhood Emotional Neglect as an Adult

What to Do with Childhood Emotional Neglect as an Adult

Amanda Osowski, Kate Motaung2026-01-02T07:27:04+00:00January 2nd, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

A common misconception is that the things we experienced as children can affect us as adults. However, that is exactly the case for so many. From a child’s perspective, neglect does not always feel harmful when it is happening, and they might not show signs of being affected by their environment. Neglect does not leave literal scars, but it shapes our belief systems. It is only decades later that childhood emotional neglect begins affecting us, leaving us unsure of what to do about it. Latchkey Love In the 1970s and ’80s, a new term emerged to describe many children of the generation. “Latchkey kids” were children as young as eight or nine, whose hard-working parents entrusted them with the front door key on a chain around their necks. The parents would often leave for work before their children started school and return from work late in the evening. Latchkey kids would sometimes make their breakfast, go to school alone or with siblings, and return to an empty house after school. This lifestyle might have been by necessity rather than choice, but the key around each little neck was a symbol of both independence and possible emotional neglect. The times might have changed, and schools might require a lot more involvement from parents now, but that does not mean kids born in later generations did not experience emotional neglect. Latchkey kids are, in a way, the perfect example of emotional neglect because of how normalized neglect often is. When you are a child, you have a limited frame of reference for what is normal. We grow up believing that our family system is common to those around us, and we typically do not question it. It is only as you age that you start to realize that other families did or do things differently, and that maybe things at home are not quite right. Where abuse [...]

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How Neurodivergent People Navigate Workplace Challenges with Faith

How Neurodivergent People Navigate Workplace Challenges with Faith

Maria Yanez, Kate Motaung2026-01-02T07:18:07+00:00January 2nd, 2026|ADHD/ADD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, Featured, Individual Counseling, Professional Development|

Today’s workplace presents a complex maze of expectations that can feel overwhelming for anyone. Neurodivergent people often find it’s like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. They experience tension between adapting to conventional work environments and navigating the way God designed their mind. This tension, in turn, creates an internal battle that extends beyond daily performance standards. There is a deeper cultural message regarding success and value, reflected in this struggle. This issue goes beyond workplace accommodations or learning to mask any differences. It shines a light on the depth of how neurodivergent people navigate a world that wasn’t designed with their minds in consideration. Within this challenge, there is an opportunity to discover how God’s intentional design can flourish, regardless of the environment and its resistance to difference. This journey will require practical strategies and a deep understanding of personal worth that will go beyond workplace validation. It will also require intentional examination into the true abilities of the neurodivergent person. I will give thanks to You, because I am awesomely and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. – Psalm 139:14, NASB Understanding the Workplace Disconnect for Neurodivergent People Most traditional workplaces operate on assumptions that don’t align with the processing of information, time management, or social expectations for neurodivergent minds. Office environments that are open, consistent meetings, and unspoken societal rules that are expected create a view where success depends on being what is considered normal. It is not focused on competence or contribution. This disconnect results in a daily exhaustion that other colleagues would not witness or understand. The pressure to conform leads to an impossible situation where strength becomes the ability to suppress natural thinking patterns. This may present itself in situations, such as [...]

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8 Steps for Overcoming Loneliness

8 Steps for Overcoming Loneliness

Stephanie Kramer2025-12-30T10:21:50+00:00December 30th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Many clients come to me feeling lonely. Some have lost loved ones through death or divorce. Others have lost themselves and their ability or motivation to make new connections, and some have experienced a residential move or have jumped into a new career that has left them feeling isolated. Overcoming loneliness can seem a monumental task. The common factor seems to be clear, even when their stories are different. Loneliness stems from the discrepancy between what a person perceives as the ideal amount and quality of social interactions in their lives and the reality of their actual connections. You may be feeling the weight of that discrepancy and disconnection, too. However, whatever circumstances have caused the social isolation or perception of such in your life is relatively unimportant. What is important is how you deal with your current situation on a mental, physical, social, and spiritual level. And yes, all those aspects of your being play a part in your feelings of isolation and disconnect. 8 Steps for Overcoming Loneliness While loneliness is more complex than being physically and socially isolated, for this purpose, today, let’s talk about how to start building solid relationships. Relationship building may not solve all your problems or remove your feelings of loneliness, but it can greatly enhance your life, and it begins with small, brave steps: Admit you’re lonely This might sound obvious, but it’s often the hardest step. It’s vulnerable to admit that we need others, especially in a world that celebrates individualism. But vulnerability is the birthplace of connection. Reach out, even when it feels awkward Call the friend you’ve been meaning to check in on. Join the group at church or sign up for the book club. Start small, but start somewhere. Relationships are built, not stumbled upon. So, take [...]

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