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Healthy Healing Strategies for Trauma

Healthy Healing Strategies for Trauma

Logan Ashford, Kate Motaung2024-12-21T10:18:00+00:00December 16th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

In the basic definition, trauma is defined as a personal response to an event that is overwhelming physically, psychologically, emotionally, and mentally. Traumatic events happen at any age to any person, and they can be extremely stressful. The effects can be long-lasting but there is a way to heal. The causes may be common, but the effects are just as different as the person experiencing the event. This means that each person needs different healing strategies for trauma. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. – John 14:27, NIV Some strategies can help with healthy healing from the negative effects of trauma. Through proper therapy and counseling, a person can move toward living a life that is healthy and well-balanced. Causes of Trauma The many causes of trauma are not concerned with the event itself. Rather, the cause is about how a person responds to the traumatic event. That is why some people are affected by trauma when others who face the same event are not. Some of the most common causes of trauma in people are: Childhood neglect. Unstable home environment. Sexual abuse/assault. Medical trauma/severe illness. Violence. Grief. Domestic abuse. Bullying. Combat. Terrorism. Witnessing a harmful event. Natural disasters. Individuals who experience these events firsthand may react in a way that will have a long-lasting effect on them. Without proper counseling for trauma, a person can develop other conditions that affect their overall well-being. The Different Types of Trauma The form of trauma is not always the same between two individuals, even though the situation is the same. The type of trauma a person faces refers to the level of mental or physical [...]

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7 Fears About Getting Old and How to Fight Them

7 Fears About Getting Old and How to Fight Them

Ronald Jenkins, Kate Motaung2024-12-13T05:41:43+00:00December 13th, 2024|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Few things about getting old seem to redeem the decline in body and mind that accompanies the inevitable aging process. In our natural state, we resist the loss of youth in all kinds of ways; midlife crises, cosmetic procedures, and denying the fact that we’re not as we used to be. While most would acknowledge that there are benefits to getting older, such as wisdom and maturity gained through life experience, the idea of old age is generally feared in our Western culture. The Bible’s perspective on aging stands in stark contrast to how we often feel about getting old. Proverbs 16:31 reminds us that “gray hair is a glorious crown”; reflecting on the honor and gift it is to live a long life. While we don’t want to lose our lives, we want to drink from the fountain of eternal youth and not face old age! And though heaven promises wonderful things for our new bodies, God has designed us in a way that we need to graciously accept that “outwardly we are wasting away”, reassured by the truth that “inwardly we are being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16, NIV). 7 Fears About Getting Old In order to get to the point where we can rejoice in this season, we often need to work through some fears about getting old. These include: The fear of aging and the realization of mortality This fear is a general fear of getting old, and the realization that we are mortal and will die one day. Most of the time, people live in denial of the reality of the progression of time and how it wears on our bodies and minds; we simply don’t think it will happen to us until the signs start to appear, and fear and horror [...]

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Complicated Grief: Coping With Grief When It Just Won’t Go Away

Complicated Grief: Coping With Grief When It Just Won’t Go Away

Ronald Jenkins, Kate Motaung2024-12-10T14:17:38+00:00December 9th, 2024|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

The bonds and connections we form with others are precious, helping to make our lives more fulfilling. You might have success, for example, but without others to celebrate it with, it can ring hollow. The depth, richness, and sheer joy that comes from our relationships with others is part of why losing loved ones is so hard. Losing them leaves a hole in our lives, forever altering whatever follows. When you encounter loss, the natural and healthy response to that loss is grief. Grieving is that process that allows us to make sense of what has happened, and to adjust our lives so that we can cope with the new reality. Grief, however, isn’t always straightforward for a variety of reasons. It’s possible to grieve in such a way that you severely disrupt your life through dysfunctional behaviors. What is complicated grief? Loss comes uniquely to us all. Loss will often come through bereavement, whether the death of that loved one was sudden and shocking, or after a prolonged illness. There are other forms of loss, like when a divorce happens, if you’re forced to move from your home, if a beloved family pet dies, or if a cherished dream falls apart. These and other forms of loss can all trigger the grief process. To understand complicated grief, it’s important to firstly get a grip on the fact that there is a sense in which all grief never quite goes away. You never quite ‘get over’ your loss, but you do find ways to cope with it and continue to live on beyond the loss. You experience feelings of loss, hurt, and sadness, and you may also experience anger, too. Grief is a process that will take you through a swathe of unpredictable emotions. Over time, the intensity of these [...]

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How to Quit Feeling Guilty About Failing

How to Quit Feeling Guilty About Failing

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:45:49+00:00October 30th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development|

I now stop feeling guilty. I let myself out of that prison. – Louise Hay We have all experienced feeling guilty. You know, that familiar sinking feeling we have when we have failed to achieve something or when we feel like we have let someone down. Failing at something we have invested our time, energy, or money in is painful and can be a source of guilt if we do not understand why we fail or how to react. In this article, we will talk more about this overwhelmingly powerful emotion, how it affects your mental health, and what we can do to overcome it appropriately. Is feeling guilty ever good for us? It’s normal to regret. In fact, the feeling of contriteness is a necessary emotion and is thought to be the one emotion that sets us humans apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. If we could not feel remorse at all, we would be as dangerous and out of control as any other wild animal in the jungle. Feeling guilty can be a good thing in human society because: It causes us to regulate our behavior and helps us to have remorse and take responsibility for our actions. It keeps us in line with what is morally acceptable to create harmony with others, which makes us improve our behavior. It indicates that what we are working on is important to us. It helps us recognize when we have wronged someone else and encourages us to make amends in our relationships. That said, there is a darker and more harmful side to guilt that most of us may not even be aware of. If left unchecked, guilt can become excessive, all-consuming, and irrational and lead to other debilitating anxiety disorders. Feeling guilty can cause our minds [...]

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7 Examples of Gaslighting

7 Examples of Gaslighting

Ronald Jenkins, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:49:09+00:00October 23rd, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Over the last few years, the term gaslighting has become a part of the common vernacular, with most people vaguely aware that it refers to abusive behavior of some kind. The fact is that it is a specific type of emotional manipulation done by someone wanting to avoid being held accountable for their actions. When you understand how people use it, the effectiveness of gaslighting behavior lessens, and you can confront the real issues in the relationship. What is Gaslighting? The term first appeared in a stage play called “Gas Light,” in which a wife notices minute details around her house that point to her husband having an affair. Specifically, she notices that each morning the gas lights, which she turned off before bed each night, are often on in the morning before her husband wakes up. She confronts him with this and accuses him of sneaking out each night while she sleeps, but he repeatedly turns the accusations back on her, questioning her sanity and perception. She begins thinking that she imagined seeing things and feels cruel for having accused her husband of infidelity. Meanwhile, he successfully evades accountability and continues his unfaithfulness, with the only consequence being his wife’s declining mental and emotional health. At its core, gaslighting is a combination of emotional manipulation and psychological control that erodes a person’s self-esteem and destabilizes their mental health. It is almost exclusively spoken about in the context of romantic relationships, but it is a tactic used by people in any relationship that has a power dynamic. Parents, bosses, co-workers, politicians, and leaders in various fields might gaslight those in their sphere of influence to get their way. The person doing the gaslighting wants to retain their power in the relationship so that they can avoid accountability for toxic [...]

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5 Bible Verses About Handling Stress

5 Bible Verses About Handling Stress

Wade Van Staden2024-10-18T14:09:35+00:00October 16th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

While it’s true that our modern lives have become increasingly stressful, we see examples of stressed-out people throughout Scripture. Jesus Himself was stressed to the point of sweating blood in the Garden of Gethsemane. When it feels like an inverted pyramid of pressure is bearing down on your shoulders, you can find solace, hope, wisdom, and help in handling stress in the Bible. Scriptures about stress and peace to guide you Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. – Proverbs 16:3, NIV It’s easy to lose sight of the most important things in life when we become stressed. A helpful habit to form is to have a few moments in simple prayer at the start or end of each day to quietly connect with the Lord. Tell Him about your plans, failures, hopes, and anxieties. Doing this daily will help you reorient your focus on the One who helps your plans succeed. Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28, NIV Jesus knew that His followers would experience stressful trials in the world. He made this offer to all while He was still on earth. He promised to bring our struggles to God and in return, we receive His rest. Elsewhere He reminds us that He gives us peace and does not take it back from us (John 14:27). But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed, and its destruction was complete. – Luke 6:49, NIV This is both a warning and a reminder to keep God central as we navigate our stressful [...]

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Improving Communication in Complicated Relationships

Improving Communication in Complicated Relationships

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:46:09+00:00September 18th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Complicated relationships are a common part of human experience and may arise in any area of our lives. A mother dies and her siblings don’t offer any support to her children. Her kids feel betrayed but are obligated to deal with the aloof or hostile extended family while grieving. Divorced parents constantly fight over parenting choices but are forced to communicate because they are bound together by their shared children. High school friends continue to be in each other’s lives even though one of them realizes that the other is toxic, yet they are tied to each other due to multiple mutual friends. These are just a few examples of a complicated relationship, but there are many others such as business partners and co-workers, neighbors, and church-related relationships. You might think that if a relationship becomes complicated, you could just walk away. But there are many instances when walking away isn’t so simple. If you are co-parenting after a complicated divorce, are in business with a family member, or have a long and intertwined relationship with someone, it might not be easy to walk away, even if it gets toxic and complicated. Tips for navigating complicated relationships Navigating complicated relationships when getting out of them isn’t immediately feasible and requires a thoughtful and strategic approach. Here are some ideas to help you through the most complicated relationships in your life with grace. Establish clear boundaries Define and communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively. Boundaries help to manage expectations and protect your emotional well-being. They prevent you from becoming a victim and help you recognize when your rights are violated or ignored. Be consistent in enforcing the boundaries to maintain control and self-respect within the relationship. Boundaries also give the other party a roadmap for interacting with you. How often [...]

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Attachment Issues in Relationships: What Attachment Style are You?

Attachment Issues in Relationships: What Attachment Style are You?

Stephanie Kramer2024-12-21T10:21:52+00:00September 5th, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Answer the following questions honestly to determine your attachment style. Choose the option that best describes your typical reactions, feelings, thoughts, and behaviors in relationships. Question 1: How do you feel when your partner is not around? I feel anxious and worry that they might not come back. I enjoy the time alone but look forward to seeing them again. I hardly notice they’re gone and don’t feel a strong need for them to return soon. I feel uncomfortable with too much closeness and need personal space. Question 2: How do you usually handle conflicts with your partner? I feel distressed and need reassurance that everything is okay. I address the issue calmly and work toward a resolution together. I try to avoid conflicts altogether, even if it means not discussing important issues. I often withdraw and prefer to solve problems on my own. Question 3: What best describes your typical approach to intimacy and closeness in relationships? I crave closeness and need constant reassurance from my partner. I am comfortable with intimacy and value a balanced, close relationship. I am not comfortable with too much closeness and prefer to keep some distance. I find intimacy overwhelming and tend to pull back when someone gets close. Question 4: How do you feel when your partner expresses their needs and emotions? I feel overwhelmed and worry about meeting their needs. I feel empathetic and supportive, ready to listen and help. I feel indifferent and sometimes annoyed by their needs. I feel trapped and prefer to avoid dealing with their emotions. Question 5: How do you typically react to perceived rejection or criticism from your partner? I feel devastated and worry that they might leave me. I feel hurt but can discuss my feelings and resolve the issue. I brush it [...]

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Bible Verses about Anger: Dealing with Anger the Godly Way

Bible Verses about Anger: Dealing with Anger the Godly Way

Ronald Jenkins, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:49:26+00:00August 20th, 2024|Anger Issues, Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Anger is a complex human emotion. It is as normal as laughing or crying, yet its effects, although potentially beneficial, can be quite damaging. Anger normally arises from provocation, frustrations, and other triggers like stress, mental health issues, or environmental influences. When anger is expressed constructively and with control, solutions to conflicts can be found, wrongs can be made right, and healthy boundaries set. On the other hand, uncontrolled anger may lead to negative outcomes such as depression, anxiety, severed relationships, extreme violence, and harmful behavior. People express their anger in varying degrees, some to the point of physically harming others or cutting ties with loved ones. Is anger ever justified? Before we explore ways of dealing with anger, let us first consider if it is even acceptable for us as Christians to be angry. In the book of John (2:13-17), we witness Jesus Christ, the epitome of love, compassion, patience, and grace, getting extremely angry because the money changers and merchants had turned the temple courts into a marketplace. In His anger, the Bible says Jesus overturned tables and chased the transgressors from the temples because they had brought chaos into the house of God. In Nehemiah 5:6, we hear Nehemiah, another great biblical figure, admitting to being “very angry” when he learned of the exploitation and oppression of the poor. Some of the poor people were even forced by their circumstances to sell their children to pay exorbitant taxes. The rest of the book shows how Nehemiah proceeded to boldly confront the nobles and the officials. He rebuked them for the oppression of the poor Jews and demanded that they put an end to it. They listened to Nehemiah and agreed to put an end to the oppressive practices. Nehemiah’s anger was the much-needed catalyst that helped [...]

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Adventures in Parenting: Addressing Resentment, Burnout, and the Shame of Parenting Fatigue

Adventures in Parenting: Addressing Resentment, Burnout, and the Shame of Parenting Fatigue

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:46:27+00:00August 16th, 2024|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Parenting is one job where we are constantly “on.” Being a mom or dad can feel like a thankless endeavor. Unlike paid employment, it doesn’t build in its own breaks or allow us to renegotiate our compensation. While there are many sweet and tender moments, child rearing is sometimes saturated with the mundane. In some seasons, the hum of laundry, dishes, and the rhythms of running a household drone on while our own resolve fades in weariness and parenting fatigue. In other times, the whirlwind of parent and kid activity escalates as we juggle chores, homework, careers, and the stressors associated with raising a family in a turbulent world. We can become inundated with pressure to get ahead of the frenetic pace, then ashamed that we feel resentful of the families we love. Some days we may be uncertain if tantrums, whether our own or that of our kids, are steamrolling us over the edge of grace. As God-appointed leaders in our homes, we must be intentional to build respite into our rhythms to preserve our peace and well-being. Otherwise, we combust and burn out, bringing catastrophe to our families and ourselves. Parenting fatigue is real. Sometimes, the seasons we face squeeze the essence of every spiritual fruit, testing patience and stretching faith beyond what we feel is our capacity. The strain of life and the chaos of bursting schedules wear us out, dulling the edge of our effectiveness. When mental states fray and emotions escalate, it is difficult for us to be present with ourselves, let alone fully available to the children we love. In defiance, stress levels shriek, releasing a cry for help that shows up in us and our kids through potentially destructive behaviors, if left unchecked. While God created us to have full lives and [...]

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