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How to Avoid Creating Abandonment Issues in Relationships

How to Avoid Creating Abandonment Issues in Relationships

Amanda Osowski, Kate Motaung2025-06-07T07:25:03+00:00June 9th, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

I invite you to pause and reflect for a moment. Have you ever stopped to ask how experiences in your past have shaped your view of relationships? Maybe you find it hard to trust other people, and your belief is that people simply aren’t trustworthy. Abandonment issues in relationships are not always hard to spot. Some people find it hard to open up because they’re afraid of being disappointed or, worse, getting hurt. These and other postures in relationships come from somewhere, and often they’re connected to past experiences. There’s no doubt that our past shapes us, our expectations, our fears, and our hopes. Sometimes we are aware of this and make conscious efforts to correct any bias our past creates in future scenarios, but at other times the effects the past has on us is unknown or we are unaware. We all need to self-reflect, and beyond that, invite the Lord to heal areas of insecurity or fear that still have a hold on us. The issues that develop because of particular past experiences can vary; however, abandonment issues are common and can present in different ways depending on the person. Additionally, it’s possible to create fresh abandonment issues in a relationship by acting in certain ways toward partners. It is important to note here that abandonment can occur in romantic relationships; however, it can be present in friend or family relationships as well. No matter the type of relationship, it is important to address fears for a healthier, more secure relationship. What are abandonment issues? The ability to understand abandonment issues starts with defining what it means. The term “abandonment issues” typically refers to the intense fears that a person has, which are related to rejection, loss, or a sense of disconnection from relationships and people they [...]

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6 Keys to Improve Communication in a Relationship

6 Keys to Improve Communication in a Relationship

Ronald Jenkins, Kate Motaung2025-06-06T06:48:33+00:00June 6th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Is there anything simpler, and at the same time possibly more complicated than two people talking? Two people communicating with one another is the basis of a relationship, whether they are using their mouths or hands to express their meaning. The way the Lord designed us, we aren’t a race of mind readers. This necessitates finding ways to express our fears, hopes, needs, and expectations. We must improve communication – it is a vital skill to master in all areas of life. If you’re in a relationship with someone, knowing how to communicate your meaning to them is a boon for that relationship. You can avoid unnecessary misunderstandings, know how best to love your beloved, and quickly get to the heart of disagreements if your communication skills are on point. We all could use some brushing up and learning a few tips to help improve communication in our relationships. Obstacles to Good Communication It’s important to say from the start that people aren’t intentionally bad communicators. No one wants to be misunderstood and to cause avoidable friction in their relationships. No one wants to be unhappy or to make the people in their lives unhappy because of their words. Often, these things happen quite contrary to our desires. There are some obstacles to good communication that we may need greater awareness of. Some things that can stand in the way of good communication include unaddressed feelings like hurt, fear, or anger. These can prevent honest and open communication, leading instead to defensiveness, making assumptions about the other person and their state of mind, and leaning into our biases and prejudices. However, making assumptions and being biased can’t always be blamed on unaddressed feelings. Apart from these internal challenges, good communication can also be hindered by external factors. These include [...]

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Codependency and Narcissism: Differences and Similarities

Codependency and Narcissism: Differences and Similarities

Kate Motaung2025-06-03T06:49:12+00:00June 3rd, 2025|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Codependency is a behavioral condition characterized by a need to feel purposeful and valued. Codependents are people pleasers who have difficulty setting boundaries or saying no. Their sense of self-worth is determined by whether they receive approval and validation from others. They feel driven to take care of everyone else’s needs at the expense of their own. Fear of being rejected or abandoned will lead them to engage in enabling behaviors that perpetuate the dysfunctional dynamics of their relationships. Narcissism, on the other hand, is a behavioral condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, and a deep, unrelenting need for attention and admiration. Narcissists hold a grandiose view of themselves and desire to be the center of attention. They may resort to boasting and exaggerating about their talents and achievements to look superior, promote their own self-importance, and receive the praise and recognition they need in order to boost their ego and validate their sense of self-worth. They have no regard for anyone else’s well-being and will manipulate and exploit others to achieve their own wants and needs, without any feeling of guilt or remorse. Similarities Between Codependency and Narcissism Both codependency and narcissism tend to be byproducts of growing up in a toxic, dysfunctional family environment, and while most people think of them as opposites, they actually share several similarities, with emotional needs at their core. Codependents and narcissists both have trouble dealing with intimacy and boundaries, communicating openly, and handling criticism. They have poor self-esteem, a strong desire to feel special, seek external validation from others to maintain their sense of self-worth, and need control. Differences Between Codependency and Narcissism Both codependents and narcissists lack self-love and try to achieve it through their relationships. Their reasons and methods, however, can [...]

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Signs of OCD in Children: What to Look For

Signs of OCD in Children: What to Look For

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2025-05-30T08:48:14+00:00May 30th, 2025|Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, OCD|

You may be familiar with the phrase “dinner-bath-bed” as it applies to small toddlers. This is a type of ritual that helps to give the young child an expectation of what is going to happen next and helps to form his or her view of the world. This article will explain how these rituals are linked to signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) in children. As a child matures, so do the types of rituals that apply. At school, children create group rituals when learning to play games in the playground, singing songs, or taking part in sports. Teenagers may start collecting items as a hobby. These rituals play an important part in helping children socialize and learn to cope with anxiety. Noticing Signs of OCD This is where obsessive-compulsive disorders (OCD) come in. OCD is a type of anxiety disorder that is linked to obsessions via recurring thoughts, and compulsions via recurring behaviors. Studies show that unwanted obsessive thoughts in children are often a sign of OCD. These thoughts are linked to fears, such as becoming dirty by touching an object. He or she will use compulsive rituals like too-frequent handwashing as a way to control fear. Confronted with the challenge of obsessive thoughts, a child with OCD will display increasingly more signs of OCD through recurrent and compelling rituals that may even get in the way of everyday life and development. What are the reasons for the signs of OCD? Studies have presented inconclusive results on the cause of OCD. However, experts think that this disorder is caused in our brains due to a lack of the chemical serotonin. As with other disorders, if your parents and siblings have OCD, there is a higher chance that you may have it too. This leads some experts to conclude that its [...]

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Signs of Burnout at Work

Signs of Burnout at Work

Melissa Plantz2025-05-22T07:27:32+00:00May 22nd, 2025|Depression, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

There once was a time when the weekend was glorious. You took care of household chores, spent time with family, read a novel or watched a movie, and worshipped God with your much-loved church family. But then, Sunday night, you felt it creeping over you. That dreaded feeling that overtakes you every Sunday night. You have hit burnout at work. As time wears on, you notice those feelings now consume your evenings and your weekends. You feel on edge, irritable, depressed, and physically ill at the thought of going back to work. Yet, you have no choice. You have bills to pay and adult responsibilities. Is something happening with you, or are these signs of burnout at work? The Signs of Burnout at Work Are you displaying the signs of burnout at work? Have coworkers commented on your mood or attitude? Do you notice your patience seems thin around customers or clients? If so, you might be in burnout mode. The following is a list of common signs of burnout at work. You feel dread the evening before work You feel like you do not fit in with the culture or the people at work You struggle to get to work and clock in Your supervisor makes comments about your lack of motivation You cannot concentrate on tasks You lose patience with coworkers, supervisors, and customers You feel exhausted Your sleep routine has changed Your appetite has changed You experience headaches, stomachaches, and other unexplainable physical ailments You snap at loved ones You feel depressed or anxious You do not feel like you contribute anything to your job Your position no longer fulfills you Job burnout can affect all areas of your life, including your physical and mental health. If your job is misaligned with your values, you will feel [...]

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Frequently Asked Questions About Toxic Marriage

Frequently Asked Questions About Toxic Marriage

Lori Askew, Kate Motaung2025-05-17T12:11:41+00:00May 19th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Intensives, Relationship Issues|

We are all imperfect human beings with flaws and weaknesses. All relationships have their ups and downs. Over time there are bound to be arguments and frustrations, intimacy may wax and wane, and your spouse may seem boring or exhibit annoying behavior, but that does not necessarily mean you’re in a toxic marriage. At the heart of any great relationship is partnership. . . . If you’re dealing with an opponent instead of a partner, that’s toxic. – Wendy Newman A healthy marriage is built on trust, cooperation, and open, honest communication that enables you and your spouse to talk through issues respectfully. Both of you are willing to accept some of the responsibility when things go wrong, and to look at things from your partner’s perspective. In a healthy marriage, spouses do not often get unpredictably upset over minor issues. They care about each other’s well-being, try to meet one another’s needs, and provide each other with emotional support. What is the difference between a difficult marriage and a toxic marriage? The main difference between a toxic marriage and a difficult one is that you can grow in a difficult marriage and learn to become more patient, understanding, and unassuming. In a toxic marriage, however, spouses do not support one another, and the discord goes far beyond an occasional rough patch. A toxic marriage is destructive and damaging to your physical health as well as to your mental and emotional well-being. It is marked by persistent conflict, disrespect, and attacks on your character as your spouse frequently tries to undermine you. Negative experiences far outweigh any positive ones, and you feel as though you are being destroyed. What are the signs of a toxic marriage? You may experience any or all of these signs: The relationship feels draining [...]

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Common Symptoms of Stress and Anxiety

Common Symptoms of Stress and Anxiety

Dr. Barbara Orticelli, Kate Motaung2025-05-15T07:43:30+00:00May 15th, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

It seems like more people are experiencing symptoms of stress and anxiety. In fact, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, as many as 31% of the United States adult population will experience an anxiety disorder during their lifetime; that is, millions of Americans struggling with the symptoms of stress and anxiety. The Harmful Effects of Chronic Stress and Anxiety The harmful effects of the symptoms of stress and anxiety can lead to a physical and mental decline in health. When you feel overwhelmed, your body releases cortisol and adrenaline to help you through the “danger.” However, chronic stress can keep your body suspended in this fight-or-flight response. Symptoms of Stress and Anxiety You may not experience all of the symptoms of stress and anxiety for them to affect your health. For example, increased blood pressure and resting heart rate over a long period will increase your risk of heart disease, heart attack, and stroke. Consult your doctor to rule out any medical conditions and seek counseling to help you manage your symptoms. Digestive Issues Increased cortisol and adrenaline can trigger the fight-or-flight response, increasing stomach acid. When stressed, you may experience acid reflux, heartburn, excessive burning, and stomach pain. Consult with your physician about medical treatments to soothe your digestive tract as you work on stress management. Headaches Stress or tension headaches can feel like a vice around your head. You may feel this headache on both sides of the head. If you are a woman, you may also experience more severe headaches on the days leading up to your menstrual period. Over-the-counter medications can help as well as getting plenty of sleep. Increased Heart Rate Adrenaline gets your heart pumping, preparing you to run or fight. Chronic stress and anxiety can cause your resting heart rate [...]

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Types of Behavioral Therapy for Children

Types of Behavioral Therapy for Children

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2025-05-09T06:54:02+00:00May 9th, 2025|Christian Counseling for Children, Family Counseling, Featured|

Behavioral therapy for children is a treatment that focuses on a child’s actions rather than on their emotions. It is based on the premise that behaviors are learned, and so they can also be changed. Techniques may vary according to the disorder being treated, but the primary emphasis is on promoting desirable behaviors while reducing or eliminating unwanted ones. Primary caregivers and teachers are usually involved in the process as well. Generally, the earlier the intervention, the more successful the outcome will be. Untreated children with behavioral disorders are likely to grow up to be dysfunctional adults. Signs Your Child May Need Behavioral Therapy Regular irritability Defiant behaviors Loss of interest in activities they enjoyed Intense emotional reactions Easily set off by minor triggers Temper tantrums Difficulty handling frustration Sudden change in mood or behavior Failure to act their age Head banging, hair pulling, or skin picking Repeated biting, hitting, or kicking Constant fighting Disrespect for authority figures Lying Frequent nightmares Anxiety that interferes with normal activities Stealing Significant changes in sleeping and eating habits Excessive worrying or sadness Types Of Behavioral Therapy for Children Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) Cognitive behavioral therapy is a combination of behavioral therapy, which focuses on patterns of action, and cognitive therapy, which focuses on thought patterns. Studies have shown it to be an effective form of treatment for many psychological disorders among children and adolescents such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and disruptive behavior. The counselor will help your child become aware of his or her thoughts and feelings, evaluate if they are rational or distorted, and learn how to replace them with more positive ones. By discovering new ways of looking at things, the child learns how to respond differently. Techniques [...]

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Understanding and Working Through a Sexless Marriage

Understanding and Working Through a Sexless Marriage

Kate Motaung2025-05-06T07:14:03+00:00May 6th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

A marriage is a little bit like a tree. A tree takes root in soil of varying quality, and it gets exposed to the elements like sun, wind, and rain. Sometimes the tree gets too much sun, or it gets battered by fierce winds, it gets too much water in a flash flood, or too little of it during a drought. In the same way, the tree can get just the right amount of what it needs so that it flourishes. The story of a tree can be seen when you check the rings in its trunk. A marriage brings two people together, typically in happy circumstances, and the two want to spend their lives together making each other happy. The couple goes through any number of circumstances, like grief and loss of loved ones or cherished dreams, financial woes, health issues, disagreements, joyous celebrations, new beginnings, accomplishing goals like paying off the mortgage or traveling, etc. Some marriages come to the point where sexual intimacy has all but evaporated, and that in itself poses several challenges for the couple. How does a marriage become sexless, and is there a way to turn things around? The good news is that there are ways for a couple to flourish and strengthen their relationship, deepening their intimacy and sense of connection. What is a sexless marriage? It’s more than likely that when two people meet and decide to get married, they feel passion for each other. Often, the couple can’t keep their hands off each other, which can be problematic since they need to wait until after their nuptials to consummate the relationship. In ways that will be described shortly, a relationship can remain intact but with the sense of intimacy and connection lost. There are different ways to understand what [...]

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Overcoming Resentment in Family Relationships

Overcoming Resentment in Family Relationships

Ronald Jenkins2025-04-29T07:03:15+00:00April 29th, 2025|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Every family story does not read with the fairy tale ending of “they all lived happily ever after.” We can look at the Bible and see many relationships fractured by favoritism, strife, envy, and deception among those in the same bloodline. Though many millennia later, we see evidence of the same painful and traumatic experiences in the Bible populate our own timelines and family stories. Over time, living with these conditions can wear on a person’s soul and fray hope for something better or at least different. Unresolved pain, anger, and unforgiveness deposit themselves into the soil of our lives, turning the roots of our family tree bitter and bearing the fruit of resentment. Overcoming resentment is no easy feat. We cannot ignore infractions, errors, and missteps and expect to just get over what has happened that is part of our difficult family past or present. God does not expect us to place ourselves in a position where we remain objects of someone else’s evil intentions or actions. It grieves Him to see us endure forms of abuse, neglect, or harm, whether we are experiencing it for the first time or constantly reliving it through triggers or the hold that unforgiveness may have on our souls. Part of embracing His wisdom, love, and care is tending to our safety and our souls to heal from what would have otherwise destroyed us. Resentment in the Bible In Genesis, we gather a tale of two brothers. Cain resented Abel for his offering, though God commended the younger of Adam and Eve’s first two sons (Hebrews 11:4). God, in wisdom and love, counseled Cain, advising that his offering would be accepted if he would address the sin that crouched at his door. God knew that envy was waiting to devour Cain, but [...]

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