Kate Motaung

Trauma responses that are a little outside of the “norm” often get made fun of or dismissed. What might feel silly to someone else might be your body remembering how it had to survive in a tense or dangerous situation. People might brush off your unusual actions with a roll of their eyes or even a chuckle, but those quirky little things you do might be more than just unique personality traits. They might be signs that you have unresolved trauma in your life and that your body is fighting desperately to protect you from perceived threats. Our bodies respond to trauma in different ways that show up uniquely to us. Maybe your hands sweat every time you hear your phone ding with a notification. While that might seem odd and a gross overreaction to those around you, it might be a learned response because your boss only texts when they are angry. Your friends might giggle a little when you get visibly angry at them for using your full name, but to you, it serves as a reminder of parents who spewed it out just before a verbal storm. The World’s View on “Silly” Trauma Responses The people around you might be critical or cruel about behavior they consider to be odd or different. Society as a whole can be harsh to those who suffer from trauma they do not understand and in ways they do not view as normal. If you did not grow up in a war zone or with obvious signs of abuse, people tend to assume you should be just fine to act in a way that fits their definition of normal. But what if you suffered years of emotional neglect, chronic bullying, or having to be the adult kid taking care of younger siblings? [...]

There comes a time in all of our lives when we must face the worst experience we could imagine. It might be anything from the death of a loved one to a chronic illness diagnosis, sudden poverty, or a relationship that turns toxic. Sometimes these things happen when we are too young to understand them, but they affect our lives for decades, nevertheless. Sometimes it feels like no matter what we do, we can’t get past a certain experience. It’s as if our lives took a screenshot of the traumatic moment, and now that picture is forever framed as a reminder of what we went through. Every time we look at it, we feel uncomfortable, but we don’t know what to do with those feelings. What does it mean to be stuck in trauma, and how can we get unstuck? The Great Escape from Trauma For many people, the most natural way of dealing with trauma is to intellectualize it. Whenever they encounter trauma, in whatever form it takes, they naturally respond by trying to think through it. They might become silent, withdrawn, and stoic, endlessly replaying events in their mind while trying to figure out how it could have gone differently. Alternatively, they might find a person with whom they talk about the life-altering events, only to go round in circles without ever finding a way past the trauma. Their attempts to cope with or process trauma are ineffective because we can’t think our way out of trauma. We must feel our way out of it, as uncomfortable as it is. The reason we find comfort in intellectualizing trauma and our feelings is that it distances us from the events. For example, a man who is navigating a messy divorce might talk to his therapist about the details [...]

Trauma is not a new concept; it's simply a recent buzzword for what we experience. History tells us that almost every, if not every, generation has its share of collective trauma to experience. Besides the chaos happening in the world around us, many of us are facing deeply personal issues that affect every aspect of our lives. What do we do about our trauma, and how do we cope when it feels like life is coming at us from every angle? Thankfully, thousands of people have walked the trauma-paved paths before us and can speak to the situations we are facing. Processing trauma is not easy, but it is possible when we have guidance and support. What You Need to Know about Processing Trauma We are traumatized when we witness or experience something that leaves us emotionally disturbed, overwhelmed, or fearing for our safety. It is a feeling or experience that you or someone you love has gone through something with an inability to overcome it. These events or experiences may be ongoing, or they may have happened only once, even if it was decades ago. Unlike the old saying, time doesn’t automatically heal wounds, and we might feel as if our entire lives have crumbled because of a single experience. Trauma impacts the way we think about the world. It shapes what we feel about ourselves and other people. Some examples include a person who has supported a family member with addiction will likely have trust issues because they were lied to, or a woman who was assaulted by a man in power will naturally avoid similar men. While everyone responds to and deals with trauma in their unique way, there are familiar habits, mindsets, and tendencies that we can address as we learn to process trauma. It’s [...]