Kate Motaung

About Kate Motaung

Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging. Kate is also the host of Five Minute Friday, an online writing community that equips and encourages Christian writers, and the owner of Refine Services, a company that offers editing services. She and her South African husband have three young adult children and currently live in West Michigan. Find Kate’s books at katemotaung.com/books.

Preventing Generational Attachment Issues from Affecting Your Kids

, 2025-06-21T06:35:16+00:00June 23rd, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Sometimes, ingrained habits from our past can unknowingly affect how we parent and influence the emotional development of our children in ways we might not even realize. This is often the case with negative attachment issues, which are usually repeated patterns that quietly shape the emotional landscape of our families. Perhaps you’ve already noticed your child’s hesitation to connect with others, or maybe how they act out when they feel scared or uncertain. As a parent, you might even catch yourself repeating the same emotional patterns that you experienced growing up and wonder why you struggle to connect in certain ways with your child. If these things sound familiar, it might be a sign of generational attachment issues that can affect both you and your kids. Unresolved attachment issues are more than just a set of behaviors; they are deeply ingrained emotional patterns that begin in childhood. When these issues are ignored, they can have long-lasting effects, not only on us but on our children as well. The good news is that with awareness and intentional effort, these cycles can be broken. What are attachment issues, and how do they develop? Most of these issues usually start in someone’s childhood. They’re rooted in the ways children bond with their adults in their early lives. For example, you might have experienced a parent who was there for you some days, but distant or distracted on others. As a result, you grew up uncertain about whether or not you could trust others. If you didn’t have a consistent, secure emotional foundation, you might struggle with forming similar bonds with your children. This inconsistency sometimes leads to approval seeking and a constant cry for reassurance (called anxious attachment). Alternatively, you could withdraw from emotional closeness (called avoidant attachment). There are also cases [...]

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Why Go for Premarital Counseling?

, 2025-06-18T06:21:34+00:00June 18th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Are you thinking of getting married? Or married again? Before you make that wonderful commitment in the presence of God, it would be wise to go for premarital counseling as a couple. Facilitated by a professional and experienced counselor, you and your future spouse will be able to talk through critical issues and obtain guidance on navigating conflict or potential obstacles to a successful relationship. Biblical premarital counseling in Texas will help you and your future spouse to prepare your hearts and minds for the type of marriage that God intended and in which you both can flourish and grow together. What does God say about marriage? Unlike other contractual arrangements made by human beings, marriage is God’s institution. It is His idea and His design. The primary purpose of marriage, like the purpose of our lives in general, is actually to glorify God. It is supposed to be a living picture of Christ’s relationship with the church – a relationship that is characterized by sacrificial love as each spouse seeks the good of the other above himself or herself. Our security, happiness, and other goals for marriage are still important but they are secondary and subject to this first goal. God has designed marriage to function best according to the rules He has established and laid out for us in His Word. He is clear that it is intended to last a lifetime. Therefore, we should take marriage seriously, and find out what it requires of us. We should not rush into it without careful consideration or counsel from other trustworthy and wise Christians. The Bible acknowledges that the world and our relationships have been marred by sin and that sometimes marriages are severed by death or divorce. God makes provision for people to remarry in certain cases; [...]

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How to Forgive in Marriage

, 2025-06-13T06:40:03+00:00June 13th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Forgiveness may be one of the hardest things you will ever do in your marriage, especially when you have been hurt deeply and feel betrayed by the one you love. It’s a whole lot easier to stay angry, to keep a mental tally of wrongdoings, and let that root of bitterness fester in your soul. But do you know what? That anger you’re feeling doesn’t help you in any way. It doesn’t help your health, physically or mentally. It doesn’t help your emotions, and it certainly doesn’t help your marriage. It only weighs down your heart, clouding your relationship and keeping you stuck. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you pretend that you weren’t hurt by what happened or that it didn’t happen at all. Forgiveness is about moving forward, letting go of anger, and finding healing together. Take, for example, Anna and Luke. They had been married for almost ten years, and recently, their marriage had been on the rocks. The tipping point came when Luke made a comment at a family gathering that deeply hurt Anna. It wasn’t the first time he’d said something carelessly, but this time, it felt like too much. Anna was furious. For weeks, every time they talked, she brought it up, lashing out in anger, even when Luke tried to apologize. Anna wasn’t just angry about that one comment. It was the accumulation of years of hurt, misunderstandings, and unspoken resentment. As she worked through the complicated emotions, Anna realized something important. She realized that she had been holding onto her anger because she felt like it was the only way she could protect herself. The problem was that her anger was not just about building a wall to protect herself. It was building a wall between her and Luke. She had walls that he [...]

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How to Avoid Creating Abandonment Issues in Relationships

, 2025-06-07T07:25:03+00:00June 9th, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

I invite you to pause and reflect for a moment. Have you ever stopped to ask how experiences in your past have shaped your view of relationships? Maybe you find it hard to trust other people, and your belief is that people simply aren’t trustworthy. Abandonment issues in relationships are not always hard to spot. Some people find it hard to open up because they’re afraid of being disappointed or, worse, getting hurt. These and other postures in relationships come from somewhere, and often they’re connected to past experiences. There’s no doubt that our past shapes us, our expectations, our fears, and our hopes. Sometimes we are aware of this and make conscious efforts to correct any bias our past creates in future scenarios, but at other times the effects the past has on us is unknown or we are unaware. We all need to self-reflect, and beyond that, invite the Lord to heal areas of insecurity or fear that still have a hold on us. The issues that develop because of particular past experiences can vary; however, abandonment issues are common and can present in different ways depending on the person. Additionally, it’s possible to create fresh abandonment issues in a relationship by acting in certain ways toward partners. It is important to note here that abandonment can occur in romantic relationships; however, it can be present in friend or family relationships as well. No matter the type of relationship, it is important to address fears for a healthier, more secure relationship. What are abandonment issues? The ability to understand abandonment issues starts with defining what it means. The term “abandonment issues” typically refers to the intense fears that a person has, which are related to rejection, loss, or a sense of disconnection from relationships and people they [...]

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6 Keys to Improve Communication in a Relationship

, 2025-06-06T06:48:33+00:00June 6th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Is there anything simpler, and at the same time possibly more complicated than two people talking? Two people communicating with one another is the basis of a relationship, whether they are using their mouths or hands to express their meaning. The way the Lord designed us, we aren’t a race of mind readers. This necessitates finding ways to express our fears, hopes, needs, and expectations. We must improve communication – it is a vital skill to master in all areas of life. If you’re in a relationship with someone, knowing how to communicate your meaning to them is a boon for that relationship. You can avoid unnecessary misunderstandings, know how best to love your beloved, and quickly get to the heart of disagreements if your communication skills are on point. We all could use some brushing up and learning a few tips to help improve communication in our relationships. Obstacles to Good Communication It’s important to say from the start that people aren’t intentionally bad communicators. No one wants to be misunderstood and to cause avoidable friction in their relationships. No one wants to be unhappy or to make the people in their lives unhappy because of their words. Often, these things happen quite contrary to our desires. There are some obstacles to good communication that we may need greater awareness of. Some things that can stand in the way of good communication include unaddressed feelings like hurt, fear, or anger. These can prevent honest and open communication, leading instead to defensiveness, making assumptions about the other person and their state of mind, and leaning into our biases and prejudices. However, making assumptions and being biased can’t always be blamed on unaddressed feelings. Apart from these internal challenges, good communication can also be hindered by external factors. These include [...]

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Codependency and Narcissism: Differences and Similarities

2025-06-03T06:49:12+00:00June 3rd, 2025|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Codependency is a behavioral condition characterized by a need to feel purposeful and valued. Codependents are people pleasers who have difficulty setting boundaries or saying no. Their sense of self-worth is determined by whether they receive approval and validation from others. They feel driven to take care of everyone else’s needs at the expense of their own. Fear of being rejected or abandoned will lead them to engage in enabling behaviors that perpetuate the dysfunctional dynamics of their relationships. Narcissism, on the other hand, is a behavioral condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, and a deep, unrelenting need for attention and admiration. Narcissists hold a grandiose view of themselves and desire to be the center of attention. They may resort to boasting and exaggerating about their talents and achievements to look superior, promote their own self-importance, and receive the praise and recognition they need in order to boost their ego and validate their sense of self-worth. They have no regard for anyone else’s well-being and will manipulate and exploit others to achieve their own wants and needs, without any feeling of guilt or remorse. Similarities Between Codependency and Narcissism Both codependency and narcissism tend to be byproducts of growing up in a toxic, dysfunctional family environment, and while most people think of them as opposites, they actually share several similarities, with emotional needs at their core. Codependents and narcissists both have trouble dealing with intimacy and boundaries, communicating openly, and handling criticism. They have poor self-esteem, a strong desire to feel special, seek external validation from others to maintain their sense of self-worth, and need control. Differences Between Codependency and Narcissism Both codependents and narcissists lack self-love and try to achieve it through their relationships. Their reasons and methods, however, can [...]

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Signs of OCD in Children: What to Look For

, 2025-05-30T08:48:14+00:00May 30th, 2025|Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, OCD|

You may be familiar with the phrase “dinner-bath-bed” as it applies to small toddlers. This is a type of ritual that helps to give the young child an expectation of what is going to happen next and helps to form his or her view of the world. This article will explain how these rituals are linked to signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) in children. As a child matures, so do the types of rituals that apply. At school, children create group rituals when learning to play games in the playground, singing songs, or taking part in sports. Teenagers may start collecting items as a hobby. These rituals play an important part in helping children socialize and learn to cope with anxiety. Noticing Signs of OCD This is where obsessive-compulsive disorders (OCD) come in. OCD is a type of anxiety disorder that is linked to obsessions via recurring thoughts, and compulsions via recurring behaviors. Studies show that unwanted obsessive thoughts in children are often a sign of OCD. These thoughts are linked to fears, such as becoming dirty by touching an object. He or she will use compulsive rituals like too-frequent handwashing as a way to control fear. Confronted with the challenge of obsessive thoughts, a child with OCD will display increasingly more signs of OCD through recurrent and compelling rituals that may even get in the way of everyday life and development. What are the reasons for the signs of OCD? Studies have presented inconclusive results on the cause of OCD. However, experts think that this disorder is caused in our brains due to a lack of the chemical serotonin. As with other disorders, if your parents and siblings have OCD, there is a higher chance that you may have it too. This leads some experts to conclude that its [...]

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Frequently Asked Questions About Toxic Marriage

, 2025-05-17T12:11:41+00:00May 19th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Intensives, Relationship Issues|

We are all imperfect human beings with flaws and weaknesses. All relationships have their ups and downs. Over time there are bound to be arguments and frustrations, intimacy may wax and wane, and your spouse may seem boring or exhibit annoying behavior, but that does not necessarily mean you’re in a toxic marriage. At the heart of any great relationship is partnership. . . . If you’re dealing with an opponent instead of a partner, that’s toxic. – Wendy Newman A healthy marriage is built on trust, cooperation, and open, honest communication that enables you and your spouse to talk through issues respectfully. Both of you are willing to accept some of the responsibility when things go wrong, and to look at things from your partner’s perspective. In a healthy marriage, spouses do not often get unpredictably upset over minor issues. They care about each other’s well-being, try to meet one another’s needs, and provide each other with emotional support. What is the difference between a difficult marriage and a toxic marriage? The main difference between a toxic marriage and a difficult one is that you can grow in a difficult marriage and learn to become more patient, understanding, and unassuming. In a toxic marriage, however, spouses do not support one another, and the discord goes far beyond an occasional rough patch. A toxic marriage is destructive and damaging to your physical health as well as to your mental and emotional well-being. It is marked by persistent conflict, disrespect, and attacks on your character as your spouse frequently tries to undermine you. Negative experiences far outweigh any positive ones, and you feel as though you are being destroyed. What are the signs of a toxic marriage? You may experience any or all of these signs: The relationship feels draining [...]

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Common Symptoms of Stress and Anxiety

, 2025-05-15T07:43:30+00:00May 15th, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

It seems like more people are experiencing symptoms of stress and anxiety. In fact, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, as many as 31% of the United States adult population will experience an anxiety disorder during their lifetime; that is, millions of Americans struggling with the symptoms of stress and anxiety. The Harmful Effects of Chronic Stress and Anxiety The harmful effects of the symptoms of stress and anxiety can lead to a physical and mental decline in health. When you feel overwhelmed, your body releases cortisol and adrenaline to help you through the “danger.” However, chronic stress can keep your body suspended in this fight-or-flight response. Symptoms of Stress and Anxiety You may not experience all of the symptoms of stress and anxiety for them to affect your health. For example, increased blood pressure and resting heart rate over a long period will increase your risk of heart disease, heart attack, and stroke. Consult your doctor to rule out any medical conditions and seek counseling to help you manage your symptoms. Digestive Issues Increased cortisol and adrenaline can trigger the fight-or-flight response, increasing stomach acid. When stressed, you may experience acid reflux, heartburn, excessive burning, and stomach pain. Consult with your physician about medical treatments to soothe your digestive tract as you work on stress management. Headaches Stress or tension headaches can feel like a vice around your head. You may feel this headache on both sides of the head. If you are a woman, you may also experience more severe headaches on the days leading up to your menstrual period. Over-the-counter medications can help as well as getting plenty of sleep. Increased Heart Rate Adrenaline gets your heart pumping, preparing you to run or fight. Chronic stress and anxiety can cause your resting heart rate [...]

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Types of Behavioral Therapy for Children

, 2025-05-09T06:54:02+00:00May 9th, 2025|Christian Counseling for Children, Family Counseling, Featured|

Behavioral therapy for children is a treatment that focuses on a child’s actions rather than on their emotions. It is based on the premise that behaviors are learned, and so they can also be changed. Techniques may vary according to the disorder being treated, but the primary emphasis is on promoting desirable behaviors while reducing or eliminating unwanted ones. Primary caregivers and teachers are usually involved in the process as well. Generally, the earlier the intervention, the more successful the outcome will be. Untreated children with behavioral disorders are likely to grow up to be dysfunctional adults. Signs Your Child May Need Behavioral Therapy Regular irritability Defiant behaviors Loss of interest in activities they enjoyed Intense emotional reactions Easily set off by minor triggers Temper tantrums Difficulty handling frustration Sudden change in mood or behavior Failure to act their age Head banging, hair pulling, or skin picking Repeated biting, hitting, or kicking Constant fighting Disrespect for authority figures Lying Frequent nightmares Anxiety that interferes with normal activities Stealing Significant changes in sleeping and eating habits Excessive worrying or sadness Types Of Behavioral Therapy for Children Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) Cognitive behavioral therapy is a combination of behavioral therapy, which focuses on patterns of action, and cognitive therapy, which focuses on thought patterns. Studies have shown it to be an effective form of treatment for many psychological disorders among children and adolescents such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and disruptive behavior. The counselor will help your child become aware of his or her thoughts and feelings, evaluate if they are rational or distorted, and learn how to replace them with more positive ones. By discovering new ways of looking at things, the child learns how to respond differently. Techniques [...]

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