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Improving Communication in Complicated Relationships

Improving Communication in Complicated Relationships

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:46:09+00:00September 18th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Complicated relationships are a common part of human experience and may arise in any area of our lives. A mother dies and her siblings don’t offer any support to her children. Her kids feel betrayed but are obligated to deal with the aloof or hostile extended family while grieving. Divorced parents constantly fight over parenting choices but are forced to communicate because they are bound together by their shared children. High school friends continue to be in each other’s lives even though one of them realizes that the other is toxic, yet they are tied to each other due to multiple mutual friends. These are just a few examples of a complicated relationship, but there are many others such as business partners and co-workers, neighbors, and church-related relationships. You might think that if a relationship becomes complicated, you could just walk away. But there are many instances when walking away isn’t so simple. If you are co-parenting after a complicated divorce, are in business with a family member, or have a long and intertwined relationship with someone, it might not be easy to walk away, even if it gets toxic and complicated. Tips for navigating complicated relationships Navigating complicated relationships when getting out of them isn’t immediately feasible and requires a thoughtful and strategic approach. Here are some ideas to help you through the most complicated relationships in your life with grace. Establish clear boundaries Define and communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively. Boundaries help to manage expectations and protect your emotional well-being. They prevent you from becoming a victim and help you recognize when your rights are violated or ignored. Be consistent in enforcing the boundaries to maintain control and self-respect within the relationship. Boundaries also give the other party a roadmap for interacting with you. How often [...]

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Attachment Issues in Relationships: What Attachment Style are You?

Attachment Issues in Relationships: What Attachment Style are You?

Stephanie Kramer2024-12-21T10:21:52+00:00September 5th, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Answer the following questions honestly to determine your attachment style. Choose the option that best describes your typical reactions, feelings, thoughts, and behaviors in relationships. Question 1: How do you feel when your partner is not around? I feel anxious and worry that they might not come back. I enjoy the time alone but look forward to seeing them again. I hardly notice they’re gone and don’t feel a strong need for them to return soon. I feel uncomfortable with too much closeness and need personal space. Question 2: How do you usually handle conflicts with your partner? I feel distressed and need reassurance that everything is okay. I address the issue calmly and work toward a resolution together. I try to avoid conflicts altogether, even if it means not discussing important issues. I often withdraw and prefer to solve problems on my own. Question 3: What best describes your typical approach to intimacy and closeness in relationships? I crave closeness and need constant reassurance from my partner. I am comfortable with intimacy and value a balanced, close relationship. I am not comfortable with too much closeness and prefer to keep some distance. I find intimacy overwhelming and tend to pull back when someone gets close. Question 4: How do you feel when your partner expresses their needs and emotions? I feel overwhelmed and worry about meeting their needs. I feel empathetic and supportive, ready to listen and help. I feel indifferent and sometimes annoyed by their needs. I feel trapped and prefer to avoid dealing with their emotions. Question 5: How do you typically react to perceived rejection or criticism from your partner? I feel devastated and worry that they might leave me. I feel hurt but can discuss my feelings and resolve the issue. I brush it [...]

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Burdened and Burned Out: Real Time Strategies For Stress Management

Burdened and Burned Out: Real Time Strategies For Stress Management

Jennifer Kooshian2024-10-23T12:39:31+00:00August 29th, 2024|Anger Issues, Depression, Featured|

People often use the phrase, “God won’t put more on you than you can bear.” It isn’t a scripture, but it’s often quoted to console ourselves when inundated with life’s stressors. Sometimes, it isn’t God so much as it is us. We are the ones who heap more onto our plates than we can manage. We bite off more than we can chew and become overwhelmed by the mounting pressures faced in our most meaningful roles and significant responsibilities. Our attempts to keep up with the demands of other people, and commitments between family, work, and other areas can launch us into an anxious frenzy. Whether it is trying to meet everyone’s needs with an individually sized portion of strength, energy, and time, we can find ourselves worried and stressed. It is likely more taxing for us to compete with our own notions of what we think will satisfy the people in our lives than what they may actually want and truly need. It is the on-ramp to burnout. When we find our minds accelerating with our lives and heartbeats, it may be time to pump the brakes and pull over to rest and regroup. Stress has often been referred to as a silent killer. It stealthily slips in when good intentions and high expectations meet. We commit to a set of standards that outpace what we can reasonably manage with the time and other resources at our disposal. Sometimes, it emerges from others, but often we add or adopt them as our own responsibility. Overcommitted and overextended, our schedules burst with a calendar full of agreements that seem difficult to rescind. Stress and Shame If we have had a history of high performance or closeted perfectionism, canceling our commitment to our ideals and expectations can make us [...]

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Bible Verses about Anger: Dealing with Anger the Godly Way

Bible Verses about Anger: Dealing with Anger the Godly Way

Ronald Jenkins, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:49:26+00:00August 20th, 2024|Anger Issues, Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Anger is a complex human emotion. It is as normal as laughing or crying, yet its effects, although potentially beneficial, can be quite damaging. Anger normally arises from provocation, frustrations, and other triggers like stress, mental health issues, or environmental influences. When anger is expressed constructively and with control, solutions to conflicts can be found, wrongs can be made right, and healthy boundaries set. On the other hand, uncontrolled anger may lead to negative outcomes such as depression, anxiety, severed relationships, extreme violence, and harmful behavior. People express their anger in varying degrees, some to the point of physically harming others or cutting ties with loved ones. Is anger ever justified? Before we explore ways of dealing with anger, let us first consider if it is even acceptable for us as Christians to be angry. In the book of John (2:13-17), we witness Jesus Christ, the epitome of love, compassion, patience, and grace, getting extremely angry because the money changers and merchants had turned the temple courts into a marketplace. In His anger, the Bible says Jesus overturned tables and chased the transgressors from the temples because they had brought chaos into the house of God. In Nehemiah 5:6, we hear Nehemiah, another great biblical figure, admitting to being “very angry” when he learned of the exploitation and oppression of the poor. Some of the poor people were even forced by their circumstances to sell their children to pay exorbitant taxes. The rest of the book shows how Nehemiah proceeded to boldly confront the nobles and the officials. He rebuked them for the oppression of the poor Jews and demanded that they put an end to it. They listened to Nehemiah and agreed to put an end to the oppressive practices. Nehemiah’s anger was the much-needed catalyst that helped [...]

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Adventures in Parenting: Addressing Resentment, Burnout, and the Shame of Parenting Fatigue

Adventures in Parenting: Addressing Resentment, Burnout, and the Shame of Parenting Fatigue

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:46:27+00:00August 16th, 2024|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Parenting is one job where we are constantly “on.” Being a mom or dad can feel like a thankless endeavor. Unlike paid employment, it doesn’t build in its own breaks or allow us to renegotiate our compensation. While there are many sweet and tender moments, child rearing is sometimes saturated with the mundane. In some seasons, the hum of laundry, dishes, and the rhythms of running a household drone on while our own resolve fades in weariness and parenting fatigue. In other times, the whirlwind of parent and kid activity escalates as we juggle chores, homework, careers, and the stressors associated with raising a family in a turbulent world. We can become inundated with pressure to get ahead of the frenetic pace, then ashamed that we feel resentful of the families we love. Some days we may be uncertain if tantrums, whether our own or that of our kids, are steamrolling us over the edge of grace. As God-appointed leaders in our homes, we must be intentional to build respite into our rhythms to preserve our peace and well-being. Otherwise, we combust and burn out, bringing catastrophe to our families and ourselves. Parenting fatigue is real. Sometimes, the seasons we face squeeze the essence of every spiritual fruit, testing patience and stretching faith beyond what we feel is our capacity. The strain of life and the chaos of bursting schedules wear us out, dulling the edge of our effectiveness. When mental states fray and emotions escalate, it is difficult for us to be present with ourselves, let alone fully available to the children we love. In defiance, stress levels shriek, releasing a cry for help that shows up in us and our kids through potentially destructive behaviors, if left unchecked. While God created us to have full lives and [...]

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Building Self-Esteem Through Goal Setting

Building Self-Esteem Through Goal Setting

Ronald Jenkins, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:49:44+00:00July 19th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Have you ever noticed that when your self-esteem is low, so is your motivation? Making plans is challenging when you lack confidence. You may not want to go out publicly or feel despair and shame. Your self-esteem can affect every aspect of your life. Building self-esteem is possible through the power of goal setting. But what exactly is self-esteem? What is self-esteem? Self-esteem is how you perceive yourself. We often base our beliefs about ourselves on past performances or experiences or because of what someone has said about us. Rarely, do we see ourselves the way God sees us, as capable, inspiring, and loved. Whether you have high or low self-esteem is based on three factors from Maslow’s Hierarchy: If your physiological needs are met, like water, food, and clothing. If you feel safe and secure, such as shelter and employment. If you feel loved and accepted, you have a sense of belonging. These factors are known as levels in Maslow’s hierarchy, which is depicted as a pyramid with basic needs as the largest level across the bottom. After meeting these three levels, you can begin building self-esteem and confidence through achievements and recognition. Self-esteem includes respect, resiliency, courage, and confidence. It is how you see yourself. Why is building self-esteem critical? To reach a level of self-actualization, you need to raise your self-esteem. Your current level of self-esteem also predicts how well you will do in a career, academics, and relationships. It can also predict whether you are more likely to have issues in those areas or trouble with the law. Low self-esteem can also lead to risky behaviors like drinking too much alcohol, drug abuse, and eating disorders. You will never reach your full potential if you struggle with self-esteem (or any basic levels). Now is the [...]

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Why Do Codependent Relationships Happen? Signs of Codependency

Why Do Codependent Relationships Happen? Signs of Codependency

Wade Van Staden2024-09-27T10:36:31+00:00July 19th, 2024|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Codependent relationships are when two people are excessively reliant on one other for a combination of emotional, mental, practical, and spiritual support. Together they develop a sort of imbalanced rhythm of give and take, with one person caring, giving, and nurturing while the other receives, controls, and directs. On the surface, these kinds of agreements might look copasetic, and it can be difficult to even detect the signs of codependency. Eventually, though, codependent partnerships are damaging and draining for those involved. Why do codependent relationships happen? People are complex and everyone is carrying around varying degrees of trauma. There could be events and experiences from as far back as childhood that have affected us and shaped the way we connect with others. For example, if our parents were neglectful of us as children, we might grow up with an anxious attachment style, meaning that we fear being alone or abandoned. We learned at an early age that it is possible to be forgotten about, and we developed ways of manipulating people’s attention and affection to avoid being left alone again. Sometimes it happens that we meet someone who has trauma or experiences similar to our own. Behind most codependent relationships is a fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, an inability to express emotions and needs, and an unwillingness to face problems. Some people are naturally empathetic and find genuine meaning in giving and serving others. When this instinct is combined with a fear of abandonment or emotional insecurity, however, those empathetic motivations become selfish. That person might be showing kindness simply to manipulate people into liking them. On the other hand, some people are narcissistic and have an elevated opinion of themselves. To others, they might appear confident and self-assured, but they, too, often have a fear of neglect or [...]

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Seeking Online Counseling: Common Reasons for Remote Therapy

Seeking Online Counseling: Common Reasons for Remote Therapy

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:46:42+00:00July 12th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Women’s Issues|

Have you ever wondered if there was a way to find reputable Christian online counseling? You want to get help, but you are just not sure you want to go in person. Maybe you are unable to physically leave your house for medical reasons and you need to talk to a counselor. There are ways you can find the best online therapy to fit your needs. Common reasons for online therapy Some people are just not comfortable in public They could be suffering from social anxiety and getting out of the house is difficult for them. Whatever the reason, some people choose to access therapy online. It is more convenient When you are in the middle of your work day and you want to save driving time, you may consider online therapy. From a site or app, you can log in, verify your counselor, and have a session in the amount of time it would take you to drive to their location. Online is more comfortable When it comes to technology, society has grown comfortable with more interaction online. Email and webinars are everyday terms in today’s mainstream workplace. That means that more people are becoming more relaxed when it comes to talking to a counselor via video. Things to look for regarding online counseling As you begin your search for an online counselor, you want to be sure you are going to find one that is reputable. Today, there are so many scams that could cause you a windfall of financial problems. It is wise to research any counselor that you are thinking about inviting into your private life. Licensed by the state The most important thing you should consider when you are seeking online counseling is to be sure the counselor is licensed. The counselor should be [...]

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Three Ways to Process Grief with God

Three Ways to Process Grief with God

Michelle Lazurek2024-09-27T10:35:55+00:00June 19th, 2024|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

Everyone experiences grief at some point. With any type of loss or major life transition, a person will experience some level of grief. Some situations only produce a little bit of grief – leaving one job to find another or a well-adjusted child goes off to college. Other situations – such as an unexpected job loss or the sudden death of a child – may produce more grief. This can make it difficult to process grief. These situations come with huge emotions that need to be processed. These emotions that go unchecked can cause difficulty in future relationships with others and with God. However, the person who is seeking emotional health and wellness needs to process their grief with God. Ways to Process Grief Here are three ways to process grief with God: 1. Cry out to God Pour out your emotions to God. Some of the best moments of intimacy with God happen when we are crying out to God. When we let out all our emotions and tell Him everything we’re thinking and feeling (even if they are negative emotions), this is when intimacy is best achieved. Tell God everything you feel about the situation. As you reveal more of what you feel, you may find lies and other, deeper, emotions underneath. For example, sadness over the loss of a child may reveal anger at God about taking the child away. This may also uncover a deeper layer of bitterness and resentment toward God. God loves us through all our emotions. He can handle everything. Imagine God as a large person with a big shoulder. He can handle us crying on His shoulder. God wants to be there for us. The more we bury and stuff our emotions, the more we rob ourselves of an opportunity to [...]

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Forgiveness in the Bible and What it Means for You

Forgiveness in the Bible and What it Means for You

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:47:03+00:00June 7th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

Forgiveness is one of the most well-known yet complex topics in Scripture. The theme of forgiveness is at the center of the gospel, redemption, the Old Testament covenants, and Jesus’ death on the cross. Forgiveness from God to humans is part of it, and forgiveness from one human to another is the other part. Some of the most common questions asked about forgiveness in the Bible include, “What does forgiveness mean?” “How do I forgive someone who harmed me?” and, “What does the Bible say about forgiveness?” If you want to learn more about forgiveness in the Bible, keep reading for forgiveness Bible verses and what they mean in context. Individual Christian counseling can help you address the concept of forgiveness in your own life and help you apply Scripture and what it says about forgiveness, reconciliation, grace, and healing. Forgiveness in the Old Testament Let’s take a look at some references to the concept of forgiveness in the Old Testament before Jesus was born. In accordance with your great love, forgive the sin of these people, just as you have pardoned them from the time they left Egypt until now.” The Lord replied, “I have forgiven them, as you asked. – Numbers 14:19-21, NIV In this chapter, Moses is praying for the Lord’s forgiveness after the people of Israel rebelled against God in the desert. God immediately grants his prayer and forgives His people’s rebellion, sparing them from death. But there are still consequences for their sin because that generation would no longer be able to live in the Promised Land; it would be given to the next generation. In this passage, we can see that sometimes, forgiveness and consequences go hand in hand. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. [...]

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