Relationship Issues Archives | Rockwall Christian Counseling

Attachment Issues in Relationships: What Attachment Style are You?

Attachment Issues in Relationships: What Attachment Style are You?

By Rockwall Christian Counseling|2024-09-05T06:49:25+00:00September 5th, 2024|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Answer the following questions honestly to determine your attachment style. Choose the option that best describes your typical reactions, feelings, thoughts, and behaviors in relationships. Question 1: How do you feel when your partner is not around? I feel anxious and worry that they might not come back. I enjoy the time alone but look forward to seeing them again. I hardly notice they’re gone and don’t feel a strong need for them to return soon. I feel uncomfortable with too much closeness and need personal space. Question 2: How do you usually handle conflicts with your partner? I feel distressed and need reassurance that everything is okay. I address the issue calmly and work toward a resolution together. I try to avoid conflicts altogether, even if it means not discussing important issues. I often withdraw and prefer to solve problems on my own. Question 3: What best describes your typical approach to intimacy and closeness in relationships? I crave closeness and need constant reassurance from my partner. I am comfortable with intimacy and value a balanced, close relationship. I am not comfortable with too much closeness and prefer to keep some distance. I find intimacy overwhelming and tend to pull back when someone gets close. Question 4: How do you feel when your partner expresses their needs and emotions? I feel overwhelmed and worry about meeting their needs. I feel empathetic and supportive, ready to listen and help. I feel indifferent and sometimes annoyed by their needs. I feel trapped and prefer to avoid dealing with their emotions. Question 5: How do you typically react to perceived rejection or criticism from your partner? I feel devastated and worry that they might leave me. I feel hurt but can discuss my feelings and resolve the issue. I brush it [...]

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Bible Verses about Anger: Dealing with Anger the Godly Way

Bible Verses about Anger: Dealing with Anger the Godly Way

By Ronald Jenkins|2024-08-22T12:22:31+00:00August 20th, 2024|Anger Issues, Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Anger is a complex human emotion. It is as normal as laughing or crying, yet its effects, although potentially beneficial, can be quite damaging. Anger normally arises from provocation, frustrations, and other triggers like stress, mental health issues, or environmental influences. When anger is expressed constructively and with control, solutions to conflicts can be found, wrongs can be made right, and healthy boundaries set. On the other hand, uncontrolled anger may lead to negative outcomes such as depression, anxiety, severed relationships, extreme violence, and harmful behavior. People express their anger in varying degrees, some to the point of physically harming others or cutting ties with loved ones. Is anger ever justified? Before we explore ways of dealing with anger, let us first consider if it is even acceptable for us as Christians to be angry. In the book of John (2:13-17), we witness Jesus Christ, the epitome of love, compassion, patience, and grace, getting extremely angry because the money changers and merchants had turned the temple courts into a marketplace. In His anger, the Bible says Jesus overturned tables and chased the transgressors from the temples because they had brought chaos into the house of God. In Nehemiah 5:6, we hear Nehemiah, another great biblical figure, admitting to being “very angry” when he learned of the exploitation and oppression of the poor. Some of the poor people were even forced by their circumstances to sell their children to pay exorbitant taxes. The rest of the book shows how Nehemiah proceeded to boldly confront the nobles and the officials. He rebuked them for the oppression of the poor Jews and demanded that they put an end to it. They listened to Nehemiah and agreed to put an end to the oppressive practices. Nehemiah’s anger was the much-needed catalyst that helped [...]

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Adventures in Parenting: Addressing Resentment, Burnout, and the Shame of Parenting Fatigue

Adventures in Parenting: Addressing Resentment, Burnout, and the Shame of Parenting Fatigue

By Stacy Davis|2024-08-14T11:19:15+00:00August 16th, 2024|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Parenting is one job where we are constantly “on.” Being a mom or dad can feel like a thankless endeavor. Unlike paid employment, it doesn’t build in its own breaks or allow us to renegotiate our compensation. While there are many sweet and tender moments, child rearing is sometimes saturated with the mundane. In some seasons, the hum of laundry, dishes, and the rhythms of running a household drone on while our own resolve fades in weariness and parenting fatigue. In other times, the whirlwind of parent and kid activity escalates as we juggle chores, homework, careers, and the stressors associated with raising a family in a turbulent world. We can become inundated with pressure to get ahead of the frenetic pace, then ashamed that we feel resentful of the families we love. Some days we may be uncertain if tantrums, whether our own or that of our kids, are steamrolling us over the edge of grace. As God-appointed leaders in our homes, we must be intentional to build respite into our rhythms to preserve our peace and well-being. Otherwise, we combust and burn out, bringing catastrophe to our families and ourselves. Parenting fatigue is real. Sometimes, the seasons we face squeeze the essence of every spiritual fruit, testing patience and stretching faith beyond what we feel is our capacity. The strain of life and the chaos of bursting schedules wear us out, dulling the edge of our effectiveness. When mental states fray and emotions escalate, it is difficult for us to be present with ourselves, let alone fully available to the children we love. In defiance, stress levels shriek, releasing a cry for help that shows up in us and our kids through potentially destructive behaviors, if left unchecked. While God created us to have full lives and [...]

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Why Do Codependent Relationships Happen? Signs of Codependency

Why Do Codependent Relationships Happen? Signs of Codependency

By Rockwall Christian Counseling|2024-07-19T13:24:26+00:00July 19th, 2024|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Codependent relationships are when two people are excessively reliant on one other for a combination of emotional, mental, practical, and spiritual support. Together they develop a sort of imbalanced rhythm of give and take, with one person caring, giving, and nurturing while the other receives, controls, and directs. On the surface, these kinds of agreements might look copasetic, and it can be difficult to even detect the signs of codependency. Eventually, though, codependent partnerships are damaging and draining for those involved. Why do codependent relationships happen? People are complex and everyone is carrying around varying degrees of trauma. There could be events and experiences from as far back as childhood that have affected us and shaped the way we connect with others. For example, if our parents were neglectful of us as children, we might grow up with an anxious attachment style, meaning that we fear being alone or abandoned. We learned at an early age that it is possible to be forgotten about, and we developed ways of manipulating people’s attention and affection to avoid being left alone again. Sometimes it happens that we meet someone who has trauma or experiences similar to our own. Behind most codependent relationships is a fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, an inability to express emotions and needs, and an unwillingness to face problems. Some people are naturally empathetic and find genuine meaning in giving and serving others. When this instinct is combined with a fear of abandonment or emotional insecurity, however, those empathetic motivations become selfish. That person might be showing kindness simply to manipulate people into liking them. On the other hand, some people are narcissistic and have an elevated opinion of themselves. To others, they might appear confident and self-assured, but they, too, often have a fear of neglect or [...]

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Breaking the Generational Cycle of Emotional Wounds in Families

Breaking the Generational Cycle of Emotional Wounds in Families

By Rockwall Christian Counseling|2024-01-04T11:42:38+00:00January 4th, 2024|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Emotional wounds are caused by the deep psychological pain of being hurt by someone you love. Your mind does not differentiate between physical and emotional pain. Both register in the same part of your brain. However, unlike physical wounds such as a broken leg that others can see and empathize with, emotional wounds are often kept hidden or minimized. We try to cope by creating defense mechanisms that, instead of healing the wound, subconsciously create situations that cause us to feel wounded repeatedly. Left unaddressed, emotional wounds tend to grow deeper and fester, causing trust issues, damaging your feelings of self-worth, and negatively impacting your thoughts, beliefs, actions, and the way you interact with others. They can also get passed down from one generation to another, causing a cycle of pain that perpetuates itself and continues to affect the family’s dynamics and emotional health. Inter-generationality. Children unwittingly pick up on and internalize their parents’ sense of self-worth. No matter how much you may love your child(ren), or how good the guidance and advice you give them is as you try to teach them the important lessons of life, it is not enough to break the cycle. If you are still carrying around unhealed emotional wounds from your childhood that have not been addressed and dealt with, you will inadvertently model and pass them on to your children as well. Examples of things that can cause emotional wounds. Being lied to or betrayed. Injustice. Humiliation or shame. Abandonment. Physical or emotional neglect. Lack of emotional connection. Real or perceived rejection. Verbal or physical abuse. Invasion of privacy. Having one’s possessions stolen or destroyed. Breaking the cycle of emotional wounds in families. Acknowledge the pain. The first step to breaking the cycle is to recognize and acknowledge the emotional wound. Talk [...]

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What is Infidelity? The Nature and Impact

What is Infidelity? The Nature and Impact

By Rockwall Christian Counseling|2023-11-13T13:59:51+00:00November 13th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The best of relationships isn’t perfect. Even happy couples have their fair share of squabbles, miscommunication, or points of frustration. Of the many challenges to a relationship that a couple can encounter, infidelity is likely one of the more distressing. According to recent statistics, infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce. Around 60% of couples cite a partner’s unfaithfulness as a reason their marriage ended. Getting a handle on what infidelity is and why it affects a marriage so deeply will help couples navigate these tricky waters if they ever find themselves there. Marriage has boundaries. In our culture, relationships take a variety of shapes and are meant to meet different needs. Marriage is, at least from a Christian perspective, a monogamous relationship that brings a man and a woman into a lifelong commitment. This commitment and mutual love are a mirror of the love and respect shared between Jesus Christ and the Church. Marital faithfulness is a reminder and picture of the exclusive relationship Jesus has with His people (Ephesians 5:22-33). The reality of this is why, whenever God’s people decide to worship anything other than God, it is called spiritual adultery (1 John 2:15-17; James 4:4-5; Jeremiah 3:20). Our marriages give us a reference point and language for understanding what is happening when we worship something that isn’t the Creator. It marks the marriage relationship itself as a distinct relationship that’s meant to be exclusive. In this situation, when one party fails to fulfill the obligation of exclusivity, trust can be lost, and the marriage may be irretrievably broken. Even for relationships that don’t fit the pattern of Christian marriage, the relationship has some sort of boundary whose transgression implies infidelity. There is an innate sense that certain relationships require exclusivity of some kind to [...]

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From the Heart: Healing Communication from the Inside Out

From the Heart: Healing Communication from the Inside Out

By Rockwall Christian Counseling|2023-11-09T10:43:43+00:00May 9th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

It is impossible to navigate this life without communication with other humans. Connection and the need for it are what bring people together. The lack of it, unfortunately, is often what can drive a wedge, forcing apart the closest of relationships. Our connection is enhanced by communication, that is the release and receipt of messages, both verbal and non-verbal. We employ sounds, gestures, and facial expressions to convey our meaning and gather messages in our communication with others. Somewhere in our contact with others, we will encounter conflict. As much as we might try to circumvent it, it can seem impossible. Billions of people populate the world, though one God created and formed each of us in His image. Yet as consistent as He is, He created us with such diversity. Within the realm of differences, we sometimes butt up against each other. Instead of our difference being a place where we celebrate the Father’s various facets of His person into humanity, we long for sameness. We enter a conflict ourselves, wanting to fit in and be like others. Yet, when we interact with others who are not like us, we persecute them as being inherently wrong. Essentially, pride and fear are at work, persuading us to make others over in our image instead of celebrating God’s image in each of us. This prompts us to spar with each other, leading to contention instead of cultivating connection, and gaining the traction to release more of the knowledge of God’s glory into the earth. Communication to solve people problems. While it seems that this clamoring would be a “world” problem, far too often, those of us who are members of the worldwide church war and fight one another unnecessarily. This isn’t new; it’s an age-old people problem. Several of the apostles [...]

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Reasons People Remain in Harmful Relationships

Reasons People Remain in Harmful Relationships

By Rockwall Christian Counseling|2024-04-05T08:40:54+00:00January 14th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we remain in unhealthy or even harmful relationships for much longer than we should. It’s not because we’re addicted to the mayhem or because we enjoy being mistreated; neither of those things are true. There is a possibility that we occasionally catch a glimpse of a sliver of hope that things are going to turn out better in the future. When we look at our partner and the dynamics of the relationship through a lens of compassion and hope, we may miss warning signs in our relationship that are obvious to others. This may be the case because we are looking at our partner through this lens. The results of our principles and beliefs in relationships. We have a wide variety of beliefs about ourselves and others, all of which influence the decisions we make. We might think that if our partner gets the right kind of assistance or support, they can realize their full potential and that it is our responsibility to provide that assistance and support. We may worry that our departure would cause them harm or that our partner’s situation would deteriorate in our absence. If we were to break up with this person, it would mean the end of our dreams because it would mean we would no longer be committed to pursuing them. Perhaps we feel that our primary responsibility is to provide care and healing to others, even if this causes us to lose sight of our own needs. We may be uncomfortable with the idea of breaking off a relationship due to unfulfilled wants and needs because we don’t want to be seen as selfish. New information and how we handle it in relationships. Cognitive dissonance is something that can affect us when we are in a [...]

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How to Improve Your Listening Skills in Marriage

How to Improve Your Listening Skills in Marriage

By Rockwall Christian Counseling|2023-09-15T09:13:37+00:00January 3rd, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

To improve listening skills in your marriage, you need to understand the reasons why you can miss significant details in what your partner is saying, even though you believe that you are listening. Why do misunderstandings happen? Misunderstandings can happen for a variety of reasons. Here are a few common problems that lead to misunderstandings in marriage. You are preoccupied, exhausted, or both: Imagine you are thinking about a problem you had at work while the children are screaming and the television is blasting at full volume. Now your partner has started talking to you about how they expect company later in the evening. You give a satisfied nod and say okay, but were you paying attention to what was being said? Likely not. You make assumptions: A damaging attempt at mind reading, assumptions can cause a lot of trouble in a relationship. A common way this occurs is when you think that there is a secret meaning to the words that your spouse has said. In reality, you may be reading too much into the situation. Ever-shortening attention spans: A measly eight seconds is considered to be the average attention span of a human being. That means you can lose focus quickly when your spouse is talking to you, often without even realizing it. There are, however, ways to get better at this and become a good listener when you are speaking with the important people in your life, particularly your partner. Sometimes it’s difficult to listen to what each other has to say. There are so many demands that are placed on us by life, and it always seems as though a million things are competing for our attention, such as our jobs, our hobbies, our friends, and our children. Because of this, you and the other [...]

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