Relationship Issues

There is a story of a man named Hiroo Onoda, a Japanese second lieutenant in the Imperial Japanese Army, who didn’t know that World War 2 was over. For almost three decades after the war ended, Onoda, who was stationed on Lubang Island in the Philippines, remained in his post, convinced that the war was still ongoing. He only left the island in March 1974 when his former commanding officer was flown in to facilitate Onoda’s surrender. One of the many remarkable things about this story is how the world was changing rapidly around Onoda, but he didn’t have a clue about it. Seismic changes can occur in one’s life, and it’s not always obvious to you, even though other people around you can see what’s happening. This can occur in marriage; you may have problems, but end up missing the signs that things aren’t as they should be. Different Types of Marital Problems Marital problems take various forms, and they can flow from different aspects of a relationship. Some of the more common types of marital problems that couples encounter include communication issues, a lack of intimacy or emotional disconnection, unresolved conflicts that lead to resentment and anger, financial issues, and unequal distribution of responsibilities and household chores. Marriages may also face trust issues and difficulty trusting one another due to past behaviors such as infidelity. There may also be personal differences, conflicting values, interests, or lifestyle choices that cause friction between the spouses. Lastly, there may also be unaddressed mental health issues that may be affecting the relationship and the dynamics between the couple. While these and other kinds of issues may be present in a relationship, the couple may not see these issues for what they are. That happens for a variety of reasons. How and [...]

Marriage is a beautiful journey filled with joy, love, and growth, but it also comes with its share of challenges, especially managing household responsibilities. For newlyweds, disagreements over chores can quickly overshadow the excitement of starting their life together. What these couples often overlook is that their differing expectations are not just about dishes and dusting – they are rooted in the ways they were raised. Understanding how upbringing shapes our views on household roles and learning to adjust to these differences in our spouse are crucial steps toward building a harmonious marriage and finally tackling the “to-do list.” Katie and Carson: A Case Study in Marital Expectations Katie and Carson were a young couple who had been happily married for three months. They had moved into a cozy new apartment, sparsely furnished and filled with thrifted items and hand-me-downs. Because neither of them had ever lived alone, neither had learned how to efficiently maintain a home. Soon, the dirty dishes were piled up in the sink, and the trash cans overflowed. Their love nest had turned into a pigsty, and neither was willing to do the household chores. Katie came from a single-dad household where her father had done most of the housework. Carson grew up in a house that had more traditional gender roles, where his mother took care of all the household responsibilities while his dad supported the family financially. Katie and Carson had opposite viewpoints as to who should be taking care of the household chores. Since Carson worked a full-time job, he felt that Katie should take on most of the household chores. Katie felt that the household chores should be equally shared, even though she did not contribute financially to the household. The Impact of Upbringing on Marriage Expectations The way we are raised [...]

Do you feel like your marriage is in trouble? Marriage is hard work, and arguments and disagreements will happen. Hard times will come. However, a toxic marriage has to do with the breakdown of behavior in the relationship between both spouses to the degree that it is abusive or borderline abusive. Toxic Marriage Signs There are several signs of a toxic marriage to watch for. As you read through the following signs, remember that your relationship does not need to hit on all of them to be harmful. For example, if your spouse controls your movements, decisions, thoughts, work, finances, and clothing, you are in an unhealthy marriage. A toxic marriage typically ends in divorce unless a behavior change is apparent. Too many abusive spouses own up to their behavior and then “love bomb” their partner to get back into their good graces, only to revert to their bad behavior. Remember that you cannot change or “fix” your spouse. If you stay in a toxic marriage, eventually, your physical, mental, and emotional health will suffer. Your Spouse is Controlling If your spouse controls your actions, decisions, or thoughts, or if they control finances, food, and clothing to the degree that you have no say, you are in a toxic relationship. This person wants you to rely solely on them for basic needs. They will keep you from bettering yourself and scoffing at your opinions. You Feel on Edge A toxic marriage will make you walk on eggshells, afraid of the next disagreement. Your spouse may have anger outbursts over small things or give you the silent treatment. You are unsure of their response from one day to the next, so you live on the edge, constantly anxious. They may yell and insult you, find a way to punish you [...]

Although more women suffer from depression than men, men are still at risk. Depression is a mental disorder that can range from mild to severe, and last several weeks, months, or years. It can disrupt the home, work, the relationship in the bedroom, and other areas of life. Helping your depressed husband is critical to maintaining a strong relationship while he receives treatment. How to Help Your Depressed Husband You can help your depressed husband with a few lifestyle changes and reprioritizing the relationship. Remember when you were dating? Most people would have walked miles to see the other person. They would run to the phone when it rang to see if it was them. Once married, we accept adult responsibilities, and sometimes these crowd out the excitement of the relationship. Work with your husband to rekindle the spark in your relationship. The feelings of love and acceptance trigger the release of serotonin and dopamine, counteracting stress hormones and alleviating depression. Consider a few of the tips for helping a depressed husband. Encourage couples counseling Let your husband know you are willing to attend couples counseling with him. He may be afraid to go alone or think it’s a waste of time, but he’ll be willing to go if you’re by his side. Impress upon him that the strategies and skills the counselor shares will help alleviate his depression symptoms. Couples counseling also provides you with an opportunity to share your concerns and learn how to support your husband. Help him with tasks when he’s overwhelmed If your husband is the primary breadwinner in the family or works a stressful job, he may feel overwhelmed by his responsibilities. If he’s out of work, the chronic stress may be contributing to his depression. Try to help him with tasks when you [...]