Kate Motaung, Rockwall Christian Counseling

About Kate Motaung

Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging. Kate is also the host of Five Minute Friday, an online writing community that equips and encourages Christian writers, and the owner of Refine Services, a company that offers editing services. She and her South African husband have three young adult children and currently live in West Michigan. Find Kate’s books at katemotaung.com/books.

Overcoming Anger and Resentment in Marriage

Overcoming Anger and Resentment in Marriage

Ronald Jenkins, Kate Motaung2025-02-13T12:02:05+00:00February 12th, 2025|Anger Issues, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Resentment is a slow fade. It has the potential to creep into your marriage, drain out the love and leave you feeling bitter and angry toward your spouse. But, did you know that when you approach resentment correctly it can be a catalyst to address key relationship issues and solidify an even stronger marriage? Getting a Clear Understanding of Resentment in Marriage Defined by some dictionaries as a feeling of anger because you have been forced to accept something that you do not like, resentment in marriage happens when there is a buildup of negative feelings between your spouse and yourself. You may feel harmed, ignored, disappointed, deceived, or poorly treated. This feeling is toxic to any relationship, especially as one precious as a marriage, and will, over time, poison the mutual love, trust, and respect necessary for it to be successful. The hurt that you experience because your partner has purposefully or accidentally broken the agreements of your relationship is a broad but effective way to understand why resentment starts to form. Unmet expectations at various levels have an equally corrosive effect. Perhaps it is the manner you are treated, how you thought your marriage would mature, or the characteristics of the life you are building together. The hurt solidifies into disappointment, frustration, and anger toward your spouse. How Resentment in Marriage Starts Off Imagine your marriage relationship as a beautiful, exotic motorcar. Resplendent in design and function. You and your spouse love it and treasure it. While you are both out driving, a loose piece of gravel flicks up and nicks the glass on the windshield. That evening you look at it and see that it has left a chip but not much more. You decide that because he was behind the wheel when it happened, he should [...]

Comments Off

Practical Coping Tips to Prepare a Single Mom for Childbirth

Practical Coping Tips to Prepare a Single Mom for Childbirth

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2025-02-07T05:48:19+00:00February 7th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Women’s Issues|

Gladys was elated when she discovered she was pregnant, and although she was a little scared of the impending childbirth, she’d be okay with the support of her loving partner, Greg. She never gave any thought to the possibility of being a single mom. Greg was her high school sweetheart, and although they were still in their early twenties, she had already envisioned herself spending the rest of her life with him. The pregnancy may have been unplanned and unexpected, but she was nonetheless excited to start a new phase in their relationship. The last thing Gladys expected was for Greg to suddenly turn around and announce that he was leaving her. He decided he didn’t want to be a part of the child’s life. The breakup hit her like a sudden storm, and she suddenly realized she was facing the prospect of childbirth with no partner, and no one close by to lean on. Gladys was raised in a traditional Christian family of generations of solidly married parents and grandparents who stayed married for decades. The concept of facing pregnancy and motherhood alone was foreign to her. Facing childbirth as a single mom was the most daunting challenge she had ever faced, and she realized she had no clue how to walk this path alone. Gladys’s Ray of Hope As sad and dejected as she was, as her belly grew somehow, Gladys knew she had to find the fortitude and tools to face this journey head-on. One thing she knew was that she needed to come out of her pit of sorrow and confide in someone. She hadn’t even told her family any of this. Then she remembered the friendly neighborhood shopkeeper, Emma, who lived just down the road. She remembered that she had lost her husband before [...]

Comments Off

Healthy Parenting Tips to Help You Raise Your Kid Well

Healthy Parenting Tips to Help You Raise Your Kid Well

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2025-01-25T04:02:17+00:00January 27th, 2025|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Having kids can be a beautiful challenge to take on. To be honest, it can be overwhelming, too. Being able to turn to others for wisdom can indeed be helpful, but you need to make sure that whatever wisdom you receive makes sense, really works, and fits in with who you are and what you desire for your children. Sometimes you can try things out, but if they aren’t working out, it’s okay to take a step back and try something new. Below are a few healthy parenting tips that you can try out to help you raise your kids well. You may be facing various or specific challenges with your kids, and that can affect the kind of help you need. Sometimes, making simple tweaks to what you’re already doing will do the trick; at other times, you’ll need a whole new approach. At other times, it may be prudent to seek professional help. Parenting Tips to Help You on the Way You know your kids better than anyone else, and one helpful pointer as you think about your parenting is to learn to trust your instincts more. Of course, our instincts need to get sharpened, and it always helps to be informed, but trust that the Lord gave you those kids for a reason. Yes, you’ll make mistakes as a parent, but you can learn from them and grow in your ability to parent well. Here are some healthy parenting tips you can implement to raise your kids well: Leading by example Parents sometimes fall into the trap of wanting their kids to do what they say, and not to imitate what they do. The reality is that kids learn by imitation, and so they will often pattern themselves after you and what they see you do. [...]

Comments Off

Healthy Healing Strategies for Trauma

Healthy Healing Strategies for Trauma

Logan Ashford, Kate Motaung2024-12-21T10:18:00+00:00December 16th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

In the basic definition, trauma is defined as a personal response to an event that is overwhelming physically, psychologically, emotionally, and mentally. Traumatic events happen at any age to any person, and they can be extremely stressful. The effects can be long-lasting but there is a way to heal. The causes may be common, but the effects are just as different as the person experiencing the event. This means that each person needs different healing strategies for trauma. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. – John 14:27, NIV Some strategies can help with healthy healing from the negative effects of trauma. Through proper therapy and counseling, a person can move toward living a life that is healthy and well-balanced. Causes of Trauma The many causes of trauma are not concerned with the event itself. Rather, the cause is about how a person responds to the traumatic event. That is why some people are affected by trauma when others who face the same event are not. Some of the most common causes of trauma in people are: Childhood neglect. Unstable home environment. Sexual abuse/assault. Medical trauma/severe illness. Violence. Grief. Domestic abuse. Bullying. Combat. Terrorism. Witnessing a harmful event. Natural disasters. Individuals who experience these events firsthand may react in a way that will have a long-lasting effect on them. Without proper counseling for trauma, a person can develop other conditions that affect their overall well-being. The Different Types of Trauma The form of trauma is not always the same between two individuals, even though the situation is the same. The type of trauma a person faces refers to the level of mental or physical [...]

Comments Off

7 Fears About Getting Old and How to Fight Them

7 Fears About Getting Old and How to Fight Them

Ronald Jenkins, Kate Motaung2024-12-13T05:41:43+00:00December 13th, 2024|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Few things about getting old seem to redeem the decline in body and mind that accompanies the inevitable aging process. In our natural state, we resist the loss of youth in all kinds of ways; midlife crises, cosmetic procedures, and denying the fact that we’re not as we used to be. While most would acknowledge that there are benefits to getting older, such as wisdom and maturity gained through life experience, the idea of old age is generally feared in our Western culture. The Bible’s perspective on aging stands in stark contrast to how we often feel about getting old. Proverbs 16:31 reminds us that “gray hair is a glorious crown”; reflecting on the honor and gift it is to live a long life. While we don’t want to lose our lives, we want to drink from the fountain of eternal youth and not face old age! And though heaven promises wonderful things for our new bodies, God has designed us in a way that we need to graciously accept that “outwardly we are wasting away”, reassured by the truth that “inwardly we are being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16, NIV). 7 Fears About Getting Old In order to get to the point where we can rejoice in this season, we often need to work through some fears about getting old. These include: The fear of aging and the realization of mortality This fear is a general fear of getting old, and the realization that we are mortal and will die one day. Most of the time, people live in denial of the reality of the progression of time and how it wears on our bodies and minds; we simply don’t think it will happen to us until the signs start to appear, and fear and horror [...]

Comments Off

Complicated Grief: Coping With Grief When It Just Won’t Go Away

Complicated Grief: Coping With Grief When It Just Won’t Go Away

Ronald Jenkins, Kate Motaung2024-12-10T14:17:38+00:00December 9th, 2024|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

The bonds and connections we form with others are precious, helping to make our lives more fulfilling. You might have success, for example, but without others to celebrate it with, it can ring hollow. The depth, richness, and sheer joy that comes from our relationships with others is part of why losing loved ones is so hard. Losing them leaves a hole in our lives, forever altering whatever follows. When you encounter loss, the natural and healthy response to that loss is grief. Grieving is that process that allows us to make sense of what has happened, and to adjust our lives so that we can cope with the new reality. Grief, however, isn’t always straightforward for a variety of reasons. It’s possible to grieve in such a way that you severely disrupt your life through dysfunctional behaviors. What is complicated grief? Loss comes uniquely to us all. Loss will often come through bereavement, whether the death of that loved one was sudden and shocking, or after a prolonged illness. There are other forms of loss, like when a divorce happens, if you’re forced to move from your home, if a beloved family pet dies, or if a cherished dream falls apart. These and other forms of loss can all trigger the grief process. To understand complicated grief, it’s important to firstly get a grip on the fact that there is a sense in which all grief never quite goes away. You never quite ‘get over’ your loss, but you do find ways to cope with it and continue to live on beyond the loss. You experience feelings of loss, hurt, and sadness, and you may also experience anger, too. Grief is a process that will take you through a swathe of unpredictable emotions. Over time, the intensity of these [...]

Comments Off

Partnering with Peace: ABC’s of Soul Care

Partnering with Peace: ABC’s of Soul Care

Kate Motaung2024-11-30T06:52:33+00:00November 29th, 2024|Anxiety, Featured, Peace, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

When we experience difficulty in our lives, it may be especially challenging to see the goodness of God. We may not realize the dizzying pace of our own lives until physical or mental health matters arrest us, forcing us to stop and take inventory of our lives. Even when we realize that the pace of our thoughts and activity is not sustainable, we often barrel through, spinning our souls in anxiety. Instead of providing respite, our attempts to hold everything together, including ourselves, only serve to reinforce the work of fear and stress in our lives. We forfeit the peace Jesus intended for us to have. Instead of turning our hearts to the Lord, for direction and clarity, we bow ourselves to people, pursuits, and possessions instead of the God who created us to worship Him. When we do, we abandon our esteemed place of favor and elevated position of faith. We wear ourselves out when the Savior has only invited us to rest. This is precisely what the enemy wants. If he cannot defeat us on one front, he will attempt to exhaust and frustrate us. When our focus gets fuzzy and our hearts get weary, we don’t war with the same intensity as when our vision is clear. Beyond what we see and feel, the Truth remains. We can actively remind ourselves of what God’s Word says. Of course, the voices of this world, the enemy, and even our own psyche may seek to bully us into believing and behaving in ways that do not reflect the soul wealth, wisdom, and rest that Christ offers. However, we always have the invitation, choice, and power to reframe our thoughts and actions to align with what is always true, no matter how contested. Sometimes, we need a little encouragement and [...]

Comments Off

How to Quit Feeling Guilty About Failing

How to Quit Feeling Guilty About Failing

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:45:49+00:00October 30th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development|

I now stop feeling guilty. I let myself out of that prison. – Louise Hay We have all experienced feeling guilty. You know, that familiar sinking feeling we have when we have failed to achieve something or when we feel like we have let someone down. Failing at something we have invested our time, energy, or money in is painful and can be a source of guilt if we do not understand why we fail or how to react. In this article, we will talk more about this overwhelmingly powerful emotion, how it affects your mental health, and what we can do to overcome it appropriately. Is feeling guilty ever good for us? It’s normal to regret. In fact, the feeling of contriteness is a necessary emotion and is thought to be the one emotion that sets us humans apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. If we could not feel remorse at all, we would be as dangerous and out of control as any other wild animal in the jungle. Feeling guilty can be a good thing in human society because: It causes us to regulate our behavior and helps us to have remorse and take responsibility for our actions. It keeps us in line with what is morally acceptable to create harmony with others, which makes us improve our behavior. It indicates that what we are working on is important to us. It helps us recognize when we have wronged someone else and encourages us to make amends in our relationships. That said, there is a darker and more harmful side to guilt that most of us may not even be aware of. If left unchecked, guilt can become excessive, all-consuming, and irrational and lead to other debilitating anxiety disorders. Feeling guilty can cause our minds [...]

Comments Off

7 Examples of Gaslighting

7 Examples of Gaslighting

Ronald Jenkins, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:49:09+00:00October 23rd, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Over the last few years, the term gaslighting has become a part of the common vernacular, with most people vaguely aware that it refers to abusive behavior of some kind. The fact is that it is a specific type of emotional manipulation done by someone wanting to avoid being held accountable for their actions. When you understand how people use it, the effectiveness of gaslighting behavior lessens, and you can confront the real issues in the relationship. What is Gaslighting? The term first appeared in a stage play called “Gas Light,” in which a wife notices minute details around her house that point to her husband having an affair. Specifically, she notices that each morning the gas lights, which she turned off before bed each night, are often on in the morning before her husband wakes up. She confronts him with this and accuses him of sneaking out each night while she sleeps, but he repeatedly turns the accusations back on her, questioning her sanity and perception. She begins thinking that she imagined seeing things and feels cruel for having accused her husband of infidelity. Meanwhile, he successfully evades accountability and continues his unfaithfulness, with the only consequence being his wife’s declining mental and emotional health. At its core, gaslighting is a combination of emotional manipulation and psychological control that erodes a person’s self-esteem and destabilizes their mental health. It is almost exclusively spoken about in the context of romantic relationships, but it is a tactic used by people in any relationship that has a power dynamic. Parents, bosses, co-workers, politicians, and leaders in various fields might gaslight those in their sphere of influence to get their way. The person doing the gaslighting wants to retain their power in the relationship so that they can avoid accountability for toxic [...]

Comments Off

Improving Communication in Complicated Relationships

Improving Communication in Complicated Relationships

Stacy Davis, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T10:46:09+00:00September 18th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Complicated relationships are a common part of human experience and may arise in any area of our lives. A mother dies and her siblings don’t offer any support to her children. Her kids feel betrayed but are obligated to deal with the aloof or hostile extended family while grieving. Divorced parents constantly fight over parenting choices but are forced to communicate because they are bound together by their shared children. High school friends continue to be in each other’s lives even though one of them realizes that the other is toxic, yet they are tied to each other due to multiple mutual friends. These are just a few examples of a complicated relationship, but there are many others such as business partners and co-workers, neighbors, and church-related relationships. You might think that if a relationship becomes complicated, you could just walk away. But there are many instances when walking away isn’t so simple. If you are co-parenting after a complicated divorce, are in business with a family member, or have a long and intertwined relationship with someone, it might not be easy to walk away, even if it gets toxic and complicated. Tips for navigating complicated relationships Navigating complicated relationships when getting out of them isn’t immediately feasible and requires a thoughtful and strategic approach. Here are some ideas to help you through the most complicated relationships in your life with grace. Establish clear boundaries Define and communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively. Boundaries help to manage expectations and protect your emotional well-being. They prevent you from becoming a victim and help you recognize when your rights are violated or ignored. Be consistent in enforcing the boundaries to maintain control and self-respect within the relationship. Boundaries also give the other party a roadmap for interacting with you. How often [...]

Comments Off

Previous 123 Next

Kate Motaung

About Kate Motaung

CONTACT INFO

Rockwall Christian Counseling

ABOUT US