Improving Communication in Complicated Relationships

Complicated relationships are a common part of human experience and may arise in any area of our lives.

• A mother dies and her siblings don’t offer any support to her children. Her kids feel betrayed but are obligated to deal with the aloof or hostile extended family while grieving.
• Divorced parents constantly fight over parenting choices but are forced to communicate because they are bound together by their shared children.
• High school friends continue to be in each other’s lives even though one of them realizes that the other is toxic, yet they are tied to each other due to multiple mutual friends.

These are just a few examples of a complicated relationship, but there are many others such as business partners and co-workers, neighbors, and church-related relationships. You might think that if a relationship becomes complicated, you could just walk away. But there are many instances when walking away isn’t so simple.

If you are co-parenting after a complicated divorce, are in business with a family member, or have a long and intertwined relationship with someone, it might not be easy to walk away, even if it gets toxic and complicated.

Tips for navigating complicated relationships

Navigating complicated relationships when getting out of them isn’t immediately feasible and requires a thoughtful and strategic approach. Here are some ideas to help you through the most complicated relationships in your life with grace.

Establish clear boundaries

Define and communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively. Boundaries help to manage expectations and protect your emotional well-being. They prevent you from becoming a victim and help you recognize when your rights are violated or ignored.

Be consistent in enforcing the boundaries to maintain control and self-respect within the relationship. Boundaries also give the other party a roadmap for interacting with you. How often do we become frustrated because we haven’t communicated our boundaries?

For example, consider the strained relationship between Eva and her sister after their mother passed away. Eva felt overwhelmed because her sister did not offer any support, leaving Eva to handle all the responsibilities alone. Eva was torn between honoring her mother’s memory and grappling with familial obligations that felt increasingly strained.

To manage this, Eva set boundaries by scheduling specific times for family discussions and delegating certain tasks to her sister. This made Eva feel more in control and less resentful toward her sister, improving their relationship.

Practice effective communication

How often do we pause to truly listen to and understand another person’s viewpoint? To be effective in our communication with others we must be honest about our own viewpoints and practice active listening to understand theirs.

Express your thoughts, feelings, and concerns calmly and constructively. Listen actively to the other person’s perspective without judgment and attempt to see the situation or relationship through their lens. Effective communication and empathy can help clarify misunderstandings and resolve conflicts, as well as prevent future issues.

Consider Joe and Linda, who were struggling with constant disagreements over their teenage son’s education. Joe believed in a strict, disciplined approach, while Linda preferred a more lenient, supportive style. To improve their communication, they decided to have weekly discussions where each could share their perspective without interruption.

Joe expressed his concerns about their son’s future and Linda shared her worries about his mental health. By actively listening and acknowledging each other’s points of view, they were able to develop a balanced approach that combined structure with support, reducing their conflicts and helping them develop a more cooperative approach to parenting.

Find common ground

What shared interests can you focus on to build a stronger connection with those you conflict with? Building bridges always makes communication more effective and pleasant. Identify and emphasize shared values and common goals and interests.

Focus on commonalities which can help build a stronger connection between you and the other person. This will build a foundation for working through your differences. Limit the time you spend on contentious topics and try to focus more on positive or neutral subjects when required to interact.

Take for example, Jake and Emma, long-time friends, who had grown apart due to differing political views. Their discussions often turned into heated arguments. To preserve their friendship, they decided to focus on their mutual love for music.

They started attending concerts together and discussed their favorite bands and new music releases. By focusing on their shared passion, they strengthened their bond and minimized the time spent on divisive topics.

Set realistic goals

Understand that no relationship is without some level of conflict and that difficulty in human interactions is completely normal. Set realistic expectations for your interactions. Being realistic will help you manage disappointment or prevent you from developing more resentment toward the other party.

It’s also good to realize that while we are meant to be kind and treat our neighbor with respect and love, we are not required to maintain friendships that are toxic or abusive. We can simply step away, when possible, with love and kindness and pray for the other party and a healthy reconciliation in the future. What goals can you set to better navigate a difficult relationship?

Consider this example. Sarah had a complicated relationship with her colleague, Mike, who often undermined her ideas during meetings. Realizing their dynamic was unlikely to change completely, Sarah set realistic goals by focusing on professional interactions and limiting personal conversations.

She also sought support from her supervisor to mediate conflicts. By managing her expectations and focusing on maintaining a professional working relationship, Sarah was able to reduce her frustration and work more effectively with Mike.

Seek counseling

Consider seeking professional mediation to navigate the complexities of the relationship. This works best in personal relationships where both parties are committed to improving the relationship more peacefully or are willing to participate in therapy. A trained professional therapist can provide impartial mediation and guidance. They can also offer strategies to improve communication and resolve conflicts effectively.

If neither party is willing to join therapy, individual therapy can also be beneficial. It can help you learn how to communicate effectively in complicated situations and give you coping skills to help practice gratitude, forgiveness, and patience.

Consider Tyler and Brittany, who were struggling to co-parent effectively after a divorce. Despite their efforts to communicate and set boundaries, ongoing conflicts persisted and impacted their children. After seeking counseling, they received the tools they needed to navigate their differences and prioritize their children’s well-being over their own.

Turn to the Bible for guidance

Turning to the Bible for guidance in strained human relationships can be profoundly beneficial and can give you a compass to follow. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us to “be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Leaning on biblical principles and striving to follow Christ’s example of forgiveness will give you a generous mindset in which to approach even your most difficult and complicated relationships.

Imagine Tiffany and Jesse, lifelong friends who are dealing with betrayal and forgiveness issues. Despite feeling hurt and betrayed, they turned to biblical principles like forgiveness and compassion to heal their relationship.

Complicated relationships are varied and can crop up in any faction of our lives. They encompass a broad spectrum of interpersonal dynamics that challenge our emotions and interpersonal communications. They often entail an intricate web of conflicting emotions, unclear boundaries, and challenging communication patterns.

They can strain your sense of self-worth, provoke deep emotional turmoil, and create uncertainty about the future. Negotiating such relationships requires patience, establishing healthy boundaries, and sometimes even making difficult decisions about whether to maintain, redefine, or end the relationship, if that is an option.

Next steps

Ultimately, understanding and addressing the complexities of these relationships through a biblical lens is crucial for healthy personal growth and healthier connections in the future.

If you would like to seek the help of a therapist in healing complicated relationships, contact our offices today. The faith-based therapists at our location would be glad to walk you through these and other difficult situations you face.