How to Use Prayers of Lament as Part of the Grieving Process

It can be both a delight and a relief to find an author or poet who expresses a thought or feeling in a way that feels as if it came straight out of you. It’s a delight because you’ve found just the right words to express something you have felt or thought. It’s also a relief because it confirms that you aren’t the only person who has felt this way before. You aren’t alone or on an outer fringe inaccessible to others. It is this way with lament.

We have other thoughts and emotions, such as what we experience when we go through grief, loss, and sadness. Whether you are recently bereaved or have been dealing with the loss of a loved one for a while, there is comfort to be found in being able to fully express what you’re feeling and experiencing. Prayers of lament may be one way to do this, and they can be an effective part of the grieving process.

Grieving as a Process

When you lose someone, or you anticipate that you will lose someone, your whole being experiences that loss. You had a connection with that person, and that connection is lost and irrevocably changed. Even in situations where you felt estranged or even hostile toward the other person, you can still experience grief.

Grief is a process and a rather convoluted one at that. It’s about coming to terms with your loss, and realigning your world so that you can carry on living with your loved one’s absence as part of the new reality. Grieving is about acknowledging the loss, allowing yourself to experience all the emotions and thoughts that come with that loss, and learning how to cope. Each person grieves in their own way.

One reason grief is a convoluted process is that our thoughts, feelings, and experiences aren’t always a straight line. Grief might have its “stages” – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – but those stages don’t happen with any regularity or in a specific order, calling into question whether they should even be called “stages.”

One day you might feel okay and on top of things, and the next you may feel overwhelmed because you caught a whiff of a particular laundry detergent your loved one used.

It can be frustrating to find yourself feeling okay one day and in a shambles the next. That’s part of how grief works, with you coming to terms with your loss in this indelicate, messy, and sometimes confusing manner. Each day brings its own challenges and opportunities, and grieving compels you to slow down and take each day as it comes.

Prayers of Lament and Grief

In the Bible, there are many different kinds of prayers. Prayer is, at its heart, us communing with the Lord through our thoughts and/or words, and that takes many different forms. Some people pray while sitting, kneeling, on a hike, during a meeting, while lying down in bed, and so on. We utter prayers of confession, of gratitude, of seeking connection or peace, of praise, requesting blessings or answers to questions, and of lament.

Lament is when we cry out to God in our distress or pain. Lament usually wells up in us in the face of calamity or catastrophe, when things haven’t gone the way they’re supposed to. We lament when injustice occurs, when evil seems to have triumphed, when we feel abandoned by God, when we feel lost and forlorn, and when things just aren’t right with the world.

A lament is a cry toward God to do something – to show up, to not hide Himself, to change things, to make things right. Many prayers of lament in the Bible were prayed in devastating personal and communal circumstances, such as when one’s city was invaded and destroyed, in the face of personal betrayal by loved ones, when it seemed like evil people were winning, in the face of loss, or when God somehow felt absent.

Psalm 10:1 (NIV) for example, says “Why, Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” Another Psalm says:

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? – Psalm 13:1-2, NIV

In the book of Lamentations, a long lament mourning the invasion and destruction of Jerusalem, we read:

My eyes fail from weeping, I am in torment within; my heart is poured out on the ground  because my people are destroyed, because children and infants faint in the streets of the city – Lamentations 2:11, NIV

Lament is a way of pouring your heart out before God. It may even come across as accusing God of wrongdoing, and that is part of wrestling with the deep well of emotions grief unleashes. God creates space for us to work through what we’re going through. As you read these and other prayers in the Bible, we see people wrestling with their feelings and circumstances, finding their way, eventually, to assurance and trust in God’s goodness.

Christian Grief Therapy in Rockwall, Texas

You can also make prayers of lament part of your grieving process. Honestly engaging your thoughts and feelings as you grieve is the way to go. You don’t have to go through this process alone. There are grief support groups that are spaces to share your experiences and begin finding healing.

You can reach out for grief counseling in Rockwall, Texas, too. A Christian grief counselor in Rockwall can walk alongside you and also create space for you to process your grief. Through individual or group sessions, you can explore your grief, and the thoughts and feelings that come with it, and learn how to cope with your loss. Contact us today at Texas Christian Counseling, Rockwall to schedule an appointment.