Grief Counseling

As much as one might want to rush past grief after loss, it’s important to go through the process of grieving. The grief process is as complex and hard to pin down as our emotions often are. Various people have tried to break it down into numbered steps, as if the ordering of the process will bring structure to our chaotic and overwhelming grief experiences. Different Understandings of the Grief Process One model breaks down grief into five stages a grieving person may experience: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Another identifies seven steps, adding shock, and processing or testing into the mix. Still, other lists combine things like shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, reflection and loneliness, the upward turn, reconstruction and working through, then acceptance and hope. Adding to the complexity of the grief process, any professional will tell you that grief does not follow these stages in a rigid or linear order. There is also no definitive timeline for grieving, and your symptoms can vary in their intensity and duration. Since people grieve in their own ways, you may not even experience every one of these stages, or you may find yourself cycling around through certain stages repeatedly. Scripture and the Grief Process Grieving a significant loss can completely uproot your sense of security and joy. It can feel necessary to regain control by understanding and working through the process to get through it and to the other side. But does the Bible add anything to our understanding of these different aspects of the grief process? While these various breakdowns of the different phases of grief help us understand the kinds of emotions you may experience, the Bible doesn’t specifically address the different stages and phases of grieving. However, the Bible remains relevant to our human condition, adding helpful ideas to our understanding of grief in this world. [...]

Grief doesn’t always look the same, nor does it affect a person at the time you might assume it would. Often, the expectation is that grief sets in once you’ve experienced loss of some kind, but the reality is that the grieving process can and does occur earlier. Anticipatory grief is a form of grief that settles before the loss occurs. This can make it hard to process, and it can even result in conflict with loved ones. Why We Grieve Before Loss Happens It can be hard to wrap your head around this idea. Why would someone grieve before they have to, before their loss has taken place? While it seems counterintuitive, it does make sense. Anticipatory grief is more common than you would imagine, and if you’re experiencing it, know that you’re not alone. Other people have also found themselves mourning loss prior to it occurring. One of the reasons why anticipatory grief occurs is that it’s a way for your heart and for your mind to start making sense of a loss that’s on the horizon, and to start processing what that loss means. It can be helpful to think of it as a way we try to prepare ourselves for the worst-case scenario. Anticipatory grief is also a way to cope with the coming loss. Anticipatory grief isn’t necessarily a replacement for the grief that might set in once the loss occurs definitively. It’s a real grief that simply sets in ahead of time. Some situations where anticipatory grief can set in include when you’re dealing with a loved one’s deteriorating health, when your relationship is heading toward a breakup or divorce, and when dealing with issues such as terminal illness. Examples of Anticipatory Grief In talking about anticipatory loss, it’s a form of grief that [...]

Grief is a strange and often unpredictable thing. Grief may set in soon after you experience the loss of a loved one, leading you into a maze of emotions and thoughts about your loved one and what the loss means. In some instances, grief sets in before the loss takes place, and that’s called anticipatory grief. For various reasons, grief may also get delayed, only setting in weeks, months, or perhaps even years after the loss occurs. Grappling with Delayed Grief Delayed grief, which is also sometimes referred to as delayed bereavement or as postponed grief, is when the onset of the process of grief happens later and doesn’t take place or coincide with the loss itself. Delayed grief, when it eventually surfaces, is often overwhelming and intense. The flood of thoughts, emotions, and memories that had been held back burst the dam and come flooding in, making it an intense experience. Often, because of the myriad thoughts, emotions, and experiences that haven’t been processed, when delayed grief sets in, those unprocessed emotions that have accumulated over time may produce a disproportionate reaction. One’s reaction to the loss may seem disproportionate, and this can lead to distress and a sense of confusion for the bereaved and the people around them. Delayed grief has much the same symptoms as other forms of grief, and these include physical manifestations like disrupted sleep patterns, headaches, and physical pain, and changes in appetite. What could serve as a trigger for delayed grief surfacing are things such as anniversaries, milestones, and other significant dates that could serve as reminders of a loved one and of the loss. If a person experiences similar life events that mirror the circumstances in which the loss occurred, that can also trigger the delayed grief to manifest. Going through significant [...]

Everyone experiences grief at some point. With any type of loss or major life transition, a person will experience some level of grief. Some situations only produce a little bit of grief – leaving one job to find another or a well-adjusted child goes off to college. Other situations – such as an unexpected job loss or the sudden death of a child – may produce more grief. This can make it difficult to process grief. These situations come with huge emotions that need to be processed. These emotions that go unchecked can cause difficulty in future relationships with others and with God. However, the person who is seeking emotional health and wellness needs to process their grief with God. Ways to Process Grief Here are three ways to process grief with God: 1. Cry out to God Pour out your emotions to God. Some of the best moments of intimacy with God happen when we are crying out to God. When we let out all our emotions and tell Him everything we’re thinking and feeling (even if they are negative emotions), this is when intimacy is best achieved. Tell God everything you feel about the situation. As you reveal more of what you feel, you may find lies and other, deeper, emotions underneath. For example, sadness over the loss of a child may reveal anger at God about taking the child away. This may also uncover a deeper layer of bitterness and resentment toward God. God loves us through all our emotions. He can handle everything. Imagine God as a large person with a big shoulder. He can handle us crying on His shoulder. God wants to be there for us. The more we bury and stuff our emotions, the more we rob ourselves of an opportunity to [...]