The Importance of Godly Female Friendships

If you’re a woman, you’ve probably grown up watching examples of tightly bonded female friendships on television. These fictitious bonded pairs make having a bestie look appealing. You relax on your sofa watching Monica and Rachel unequivocally support each other, even through bizarre circumstances, and read the story of Anne Shirley and Diana Barry, whose bond spanned a lifetime.

You’ve probably longed for a friendship like this, but finding a friend who will be with you through thick and thin, in good times and bad, isn’t as easy as it is on a television screen or in the pages of a book.

As Christians, we shouldn’t be looking to these secular examples of friendship anyway, right? We should be looking for something different from our friendships than helping move a sofa up some stairs or forgiving someone when they accidentally get you drunk off currant wine.

But as members of society, we have been conditioned to think that this cultural definition of friendship is the goal. We’ve been told that these examples are the ultimate showcase of true friendship. And while these examples of friendships are funny and heartwarming, a true godly friendship not only warms your heart but draws you closer to the keeper of your heart, God.

Ruth and Naomi (Ruth 1-4)

In the story of Ruth and Naomi, Ruth didn’t just stick it out with Naomi because it was convenient. No, she left behind everything familiar (homeland, security, and her culture) to walk with Naomi into the unknown. That’s not small talk over a frappe, but is self-sacrificing, ride or die loyalty that was rooted in faith in God.

Their friendship was not just an emotional bond, but love in action. Ruth humbly gleaned the fields to provide for Naomi, showing her devotion to her through selfless devotion, even when Naomi had nothing material to give in return.

And Naomi, once bitter and broken (like many women today), began to hope again because of Ruth’s faithfulness. Naomi, a Jewish widow, had not only lost her husband but all her male sons. In a culture where security and social identity came through male relatives, Naomi was left with no legal standing, no economic protection, no social status, no male heir, and no one to carry on the family lineage.

However, through Ruth’s covenantal loyalty, what appeared to be a total loss became a story of redemption and grace. That’s what a golden friendship does; it breathes life into the weary and gives hope to the hopeless.

Mary and Elizabeth (Luke 1)

Mary and Elizabeth are another example of true, godly friendship. They were two women experiencing miraculous pregnancies in a time when society had little regard for the voices of women. When pregnant Mary arrived at Elizabeth’s door, there was no judgment, no competition, no jealousy. Just joy. Just blessing.

Both had shared faith and had humbly surrendered as participants of God’s broader plan, showing how friendship flourishes when there is shared purpose and faith. And both encouraged each other as they walked in alignment with God’s will. Every woman needs that bestie who recognizes God’s hand in their life and isn’t afraid to say, “Yes, I see it too!” Elizabeth also affirmed Mary’s calling and provided a place of refuge.

Mary, a teenage girl who became pregnant out of wedlock, likely had a sense of fear and confusion, despite her trust in God’s plan. Elizabeth offered a safe place for Mary to process that fear without judgment. Every woman needs an Elizabeth, a friend who offers emotional and spiritual safety in moments of vulnerability.

How to Cultivate These Kinds of Friendships

If you long for a godly female friend, you have to pursue that relationship in the same way you pursue God Himself. You have to put down the Instagram filtered version of yourself and show your true heart, humbly and honestly. You have to show your brokenness and be willing to accept the broken, even shattered, parts of others.

You also have to choose friends who point you toward Jesus, not just toward self-care or venting sessions. Yes, it’s great to have someone who’ll text you memes and bring you brownies after breakups, but it’s even better to have someone who will sit with you and pray over your circumstances. How valuable it is to have someone who will remind you of your worth and to remind you of what you have rather than what you don’t.

Finding a good friend also requires you to be that kind of friend yourself. Be the Ruth or the Elizabeth. Show up for your friends and speak life into their spirits. If you make space for them in your life, not because you’re motivated by status or because it’s convenient, you will find that they will respond in the same ways toward you. As John 15:13 reminds us, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

A Friend for Every Season

While popular culture and fiction make us believe that true friendships span a lifetime, it’s not necessarily reality. Of course, these lifelong friendships do exist (and what a blessing that is if you have one), but just because you aren’t keeping in contact with your best friend from kindergarten, doesn’t mean you’re doomed to a life of loneliness.

God brings people into your life for a reason, and sometimes that reason is related to a season. Ruth and Naomi were not childhood friends, but their relationship became a profound example of loyalty and godly devotion. Mary and Elizabeth were brought together through shared miracles and mutual encouragement.

Each season of life brings different challenges, joys, and responsibilities. Having women in your life who are walking with the Lord can be a source of great comfort and encouragement through all of the different seasons of life.

For young women, a godly friend can help you find your identity and walk you through life-changing decisions. They can help you comb through Scripture and uplift you in prayer as you decide on a career path or experience romantic love or romantic heartbreak for the first time.

For mothers, friends can bring spiritual and practical support when the chaos of life gets overwhelming. They can encourage in times of self-doubt when a baby is first brought home. A godly friend can also remind the single woman that her worth is not found in a husband, but in the love Christ has for her, in addition to helping anchor her back down to her morals and values, and not compromising them for the sake of a partner.

In seasons of loss or transition, a godly friend can reflect Christ’s compassion by gently walking with you through healing and offering practical support when the hands and feet of Christ are required. They can comfort you and remind you of the love that Christ has for even as you face health problems and uncertain futures.

Are you struggling with female friendships?

If all this talk of godly female friendships sounds appealing, but you’re struggling with being a friend or finding compatible, Christ-centered female friendships, therapy can help. A licensed Christian therapist can help you uncover the root causes behind those struggles. Maybe you have a fear of vulnerability or have unhealed wounds from past betrayals. These trust issues can prevent you from deep connections and can affect your relationships more than you may realize.

Therapy, paired with prayer, can help you begin to heal from the obstacles that stymie your attempts at solid, life-giving friendships. It can equip you with tools that can help you form and maintain the healthy, Christ-centered relationships that you long for.

Finding Your Bestie

Popularized female friendships like Monica and Rachel or Anne and Diana often center around shared experiences, emotional support, and a deep sense of loyalty, but they typically stop short of pointing toward something greater than themselves. These relationships, while beautiful and heartwarming, tend to focus on earthly companionship. In contrast, true godly female friendships are rooted in faith and a shared pursuit of God.

While the glamorous relationships that play out on screens and pages may be appealing, they aren’t always representative of real-life relationships; they’re essentially counterfeit, and they certainly don’t celebrate the true, biblical definition of friendships that we, as Christians, should long for.

The most beautiful, meaningful friendships aren’t built on matching coffee mugs or cute social media posts; they are built on faith, grace, and a love that points directly back to God.