Breaking Up is Hard to Do: Navigating Romantic Relationships and Issues of the Heart

Billions of people populate planet Earth. Naturally, it feels like we’ve discovered hidden treasure when meeting “the one” of a million potential romantic interests. It’s exciting to start a new romantic relationship and to learn about that person, while also discovering and developing ourselves.

As the relationship progresses, we discover the beauty of connection, learning to give and receive love. Yet, as time evolves, the match we have made may look and feel different than we remember at the start. Often, what seemed magical in the beginning feels weighty in time.

King Solomon, who penned many proverbs, echoed that God coordinates our purpose with the times and seasons of our lives. When relationships fray, we may question why an individual came into our lives.

Growing a healthy relationship takes two people with God at the core, but everyone who comes together won’t necessarily remain together. Whether joining with a potential partner or separating from them, our hearts require tender care as we pray, seek counsel, and follow the Holy Spirit’s lead. Not only do we need to discern God’s heart before we enter a dating partnership, but we also need to search His heart before terminating a relationship.

This article outfits us with spiritual insight and practical considerations for relationships when plagued with issues of the heart.

Suitability and Breaking Up

While some people may not have all of what we are looking for, that may not mean they are an unsuitable fit or a poor choice. Likewise, some people may possess desirable qualities, and not be suitable or well-matched for us. According to the Bible, God wants us to have partners that are a good fit. Genesis 2:18 says, “…It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Sometimes, we don’t discover suitability until we spend considerable time together. Then, if we do realize that we aren’t a good fit with our partner, it often takes God’s strength to disentangle our hearts and hopes and reset our affection on the One who first loved us (1 John 4:19).

Subtle Sabotage

Staying in a withering relationship only postpones the inevitable breakup. Sometimes, remaining in a connection that is toxic or mismatched inhibits God’s best in our lives and stealthily breaks down our self-respect. Additionally, when emotional wounds conflate our identity, we may find ourselves engaging in behaviors that subtly compromise our character and slowly corrode our self-esteem.

When we allow our esteem to decline from toxic or mismatched relationships, it often breeds the fruit of codependency. Then, the codependency may lead us to control or manipulate our loved one instead of loving them the way God wants us to. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Settling Self-Worth When Breaking Up

When facing our own mental and emotional health challenges, we may not be convinced of our worth, perhaps believing that we won’t find another companion. However, finding or keeping our souls knit to those we are no longer thriving with intensifies our anguish.

When answers about the “why” of our troubled relationship evade us, endless questions bombard our souls. However, nothing comforts mental agony and emotional suffering like the Lord’s all-encompassing peace. Whether we sought to date long-term or transition the relationship into marriage, His peace and purpose settles all (Philippians 4:7).

Shifting Seasons

We don’t know, perhaps until later, that the relationship was destined to meet a specific need in a certain season and when its time closes, it can be heartbreaking. But going to our first Love, who comforts, soothes, and heals us, is the best way to manage the breakup. When in His presence, we can rest in His promises in Romans 8:28, which says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good.”

Not every romantic relationship ends with marriage. Becoming friends, however, may not be realistic. Instead, it may cause injury, confuse boundaries, and muddy communication. In other connections, however, couples discover that they fare better as friends than as romantic partners.

Craving Comfort After Breaking Up

When we are enduring a breakup, we may hesitate to explore what led to it. Like any wound, the healing process generates pain before producing relief. When searching for relief and comfort, sometimes we fill our hearts’ deficits, binging on food, entertainment, retail therapy, or other comforts.

Seeking solace is a legitimate part of receiving healing, but when we engage in maladaptive coping strategies, we are not being healthy. In fact, we miss the opportunity to seek the Healer and we may induce more harm.

The world encourages us to navigate heart pain by masking it or feeding our appetites. Our surroundings may advocate pursuing rebound relationships or revenge dating to forget the other person or to prove one’s worth. These tactics involve manipulating someone else’s heart and time, which is ungodly behavior. The motivation to validate ourselves in order to feel more desirable, worthy, or competent, may seem okay in the moment, but pain is often the result.

God doesn’t regard any of us as commodities or pawns to be leveraged in someone else’s games. Even when we’re wounded, we need to be mindful of the treatment we give. Otherwise, the person that likely ends up hurt more than anyone else, may be us.

Heart Under Construction

This pain of breakup invokes an opportunity for us to get still with the Lord and engage His counsel. The Holy Spirit stands ready to console, offering what Jesus referred to as the peace that the world can’t give (John 14:26-27). The Lord already knows but bringing it into the open with Him is a key element to heart restoration.

As your heart repairs, He reveals lessons to carry forward in life. Your next dating partner or potential spouse benefits from your investment, as will others in non-romantic relationships. But, ultimately, you are the prime beneficiary. Taking apart and reconstructing your internal thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, frees you to love and serve with pure motives and fewer distractions.

Honesty is the best place to begin. You gain nothing from hiding your feelings. Talk with the Lord. Pour your heart and be real about how the breakup, or the relationship itself, eroded your esteem. Permit yourself to come to your loving Father, withholding nothing. Speak freely with Him about any residue of insignificance or insecurity.

Spend time with God. Partner with Him to heal what is broken before attempting another relationship. We humans tend to repeat negative behavior patterns that require disruption before we can recognize and repair them. These dysfunctional cycles are often fueled by our unresolved issues.

We often placate pain by resuscitating relationships that needed to end or rebounding into connection too early. With support, we can embrace necessary steps for our healing journey and prepare to receive the life-giving connections God wants to give.

Next Steps: Christian Counseling After Breaking Up in Texas

When entangled in emotional pain and mental distress, we all suffer. And while there may be rich insight to gain, we often find ourselves emotional, grief-stricken, and confused. A licensed professional counselor in Texas can help you navigate these difficult times.

God desires soul wellness to be our portion. We can access that wellness when we do the work of healing our hearts and souls. If you are ready to begin counseling, reach out to us today at Texas Christian Counseling. We will connect you with a Christian therapist in Texas who can walk with you. In this space you will gather the grace and support needed to begin again when breaking up is hard to do.