Reasons People Remain in Harmful Relationships

Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we remain in unhealthy or even harmful relationships for much longer than we should. It’s not because we’re addicted to the mayhem or because we enjoy being mistreated; neither of those things are true. There is a possibility that we occasionally catch a glimpse of a sliver of hope that things are going to turn out better in the future.

When we look at our partner and the dynamics of the relationship through a lens of compassion and hope, we may miss warning signs in our relationship that are obvious to others. This may be the case because we are looking at our partner through this lens.

The results of our principles and beliefs in relationships.

We have a wide variety of beliefs about ourselves and others, all of which influence the decisions we make. We might think that if our partner gets the right kind of assistance or support, they can realize their full potential and that it is our responsibility to provide that assistance and support. We may worry that our departure would cause them harm or that our partner’s situation would deteriorate in our absence.

If we were to break up with this person, it would mean the end of our dreams because it would mean we would no longer be committed to pursuing them. Perhaps we feel that our primary responsibility is to provide care and healing to others, even if this causes us to lose sight of our own needs. We may be uncomfortable with the idea of breaking off a relationship due to unfulfilled wants and needs because we don’t want to be seen as selfish.

New information and how we handle it in relationships.

Cognitive dissonance is something that can affect us when we are in a relationship that is unhealthy for us. When we come across information that runs counter to our beliefs, values, and opinions, we have a few options to choose from:

• Ignore the new information that seems to contradict the previous one. (“I am certain that he did not intend to mislead you in any way. I have no recollection of them acting in the manner you described.”)
• Try to combat the information. (“How dare you imply that he is cheating on me with another woman? It doesn’t matter to me what you perceived to have been there.”)
• Justify the information by saying something along the lines of “She hits me, but it’s not really abuse, and besides, I deserve it.”
• Make adjustments to our core beliefs and values to take into account the new information. “I thought he was kind to animals, but now that I’ve seen him beat his dog, I must have been wrong.”

Cognitive dissonance can manifest itself in any of the first three possibilities; in each of these scenarios, we are attempting to trick our brains into holding opposing ideas at the same time.

Because it paves the way for decisive action, such as terminating the relationship, the fourth choice necessitates that we alter our opinion in response to new information. This is frequently an unsettling prospect, particularly when it comes to unhealthy romantic relationships because it raises the possibility of having to take extreme measures.

When your friend is in a toxic relationship.

The vast majority of us have pondered the question of why a friend continues to stay in a relationship that is unhealthy for them. In many cases, it’s because this relationship is the defining factor in their life; it’s the only thing that they know for sure to be accurate. Frequently, this is accompanied by the conviction that they, of all people, will bring about this person’s transformation.

It is important to keep in mind that unhealthy relationships aren’t necessarily unhealthy all the time. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship with a toxic person knows that things aren’t always as black and white from the inside. There are happy moments, moments in which you see a glimpse of the change you hoped for, and moments in which you believe that things have reached a turning point.

The realization of one’s full potential can be both a boon and a bane. We can’t always exert influence or control over other people; the only person we truly have power over is ourselves. The potential you see in another person and the hope you have for who they could become are, regrettably, limited in scope. The other person also needs to recognize and work toward reaching that potential. They need to have some skin in the game for the relationship to work.

Harmful relationships from the inside: Should I stay or should I go?

How to talk to yourself.

It is helpful to ask yourself what you would say to a friend who was going through this situation, as you are working through the challenges of your relationship. We have the propensity to be both more forthright and more compassionate about the circumstances of our friends’ lives than we are about our own.

It is always a good rule of thumb to speak to yourself in the same manner that you would speak to a loved one or close friend. When you look at your situation through the eyes of a trusted friend, it can help you determine what is happening, what is just wishful thinking, and what issues require immediate attention.

How to determine if your spouse is willing to change.

That being said, how can you determine if a person is dedicated to their development? They take some sort of action. They keep their word, which means that their actions and their words are consistent with one another. They are also aware of and acknowledge the difficulties that they face in their own lives. They are determined to take action in the direction of finding a solution.

They are not going to compete against one another but rather are willing to have conversations about the issue and work together with you as a team to find a solution to the problem. They are aware that there is something that needs to be improved upon. If you are in a relationship that is mentally or emotionally abusive to you, change won’t come about until your partner acknowledges that what they are doing is harmful and decides to stop.

How to assess the current state of your predicament.

When everything is muddled by hope, it can be challenging to make decisions regarding these relationships. I believe that the best course of action would be to first bring yourself back into alignment with your values or wishes and goals and then ask yourself if this person is going to take you where you want to go. Is it possible for you to be with this person while still maintaining your identity?

Do you believe we uphold the same standards?” As soon as you are aware of the things that are significant to you, you will hopefully be able to make the appropriate decision regarding a romantic partnership.

Christian Counseling for Relationship Issues

In relationships and at many other decision points in your life, clarifying your values can be of great assistance to you in charting a path forward. A toxic partner who is willing to change will also benefit from therapy, whether individually or as a couple. Contact us today and speak to a counselor for value clarification, and individual and couple’s counseling.