Codependency

In his book The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis wrote, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” Our lives are made richer by our friendships, and they are sources of growth, joy, and mutual respect. These "unnecessary" relationships provide us with the support we need, making life a more beautiful venture. While recognizing the value of friendships and how they nurture us, it’s also important to understand that things can and do go wrong in friendships. Boundaries can become blurred in those relationships, and emotional reliance on one another can become excessive. This has the potential to lead a relationship into codependency, which can strain and damage the relationship in the short and long term. Understanding Codependency in Friendships Friends rely on each other for a lot of things, including emotional support, encouragement, wisdom when making challenging decisions, and just enjoying life together. Through the many ups and downs that life presents, your friends are the people who go with you on that journey. This is how friendship works Mutual dependence between friends is one thing, but codependency goes over the line in a few significant ways. So, what does codependency between friends look like? Codependency is an unhealthy emotional reliance on another person. This can look like one or both friends feeling like they are ultimately responsible for the other’s decisions, happiness, or sense of self-worth. No one can be responsible for another in the way a codependent relationship function. What happens in a codependent relationship is that the boundaries are blurred, and the two people become enmeshed in each other. They aren’t operating out of their sense of identity and individuality; instead, who they are becomes too closely tied to each other. They become too reliant on each other, being unable to function [...]

Codependency is a behavioral condition characterized by a need to feel purposeful and valued. Codependents are people pleasers who have difficulty setting boundaries or saying no. Their sense of self-worth is determined by whether they receive approval and validation from others. They feel driven to take care of everyone else’s needs at the expense of their own. Fear of being rejected or abandoned will lead them to engage in enabling behaviors that perpetuate the dysfunctional dynamics of their relationships. Narcissism, on the other hand, is a behavioral condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, and a deep, unrelenting need for attention and admiration. Narcissists hold a grandiose view of themselves and desire to be the center of attention. They may resort to boasting and exaggerating about their talents and achievements to look superior, promote their own self-importance, and receive the praise and recognition they need in order to boost their ego and validate their sense of self-worth. They have no regard for anyone else’s well-being and will manipulate and exploit others to achieve their own wants and needs, without any feeling of guilt or remorse. Similarities Between Codependency and Narcissism Both codependency and narcissism tend to be byproducts of growing up in a toxic, dysfunctional family environment, and while most people think of them as opposites, they actually share several similarities, with emotional needs at their core. Codependents and narcissists both have trouble dealing with intimacy and boundaries, communicating openly, and handling criticism. They have poor self-esteem, a strong desire to feel special, seek external validation from others to maintain their sense of self-worth, and need control. Differences Between Codependency and Narcissism Both codependents and narcissists lack self-love and try to achieve it through their relationships. Their reasons and methods, however, can [...]