Teaching Your Child How to Control Anger Well

When a child is born, they have a lot of things to figure out about themselves and the world around them. Everything, from moving about to eating, to playing, to communicating with others must all be learned. Another important part of what a child needs to learn is how to experience and express their emotions well, especially learning to control anger.

Being able to regulate and express one’s emotions well has a positive impact on relationships and personal well-being. One of the key tasks of a parent or caregiver is to help a child understand their own emotions and to know what the most appropriate ways of expressing those emotions are. Much of this happens in the early, formative years of the child, though we are always growing and learning how to do better.

Reasons children get angry

When the words “temper tantrum” are uttered, more likely than not, the image that pops into our heads is a flailing, screaming child in the grocery store or park. Parents often wonder if their child’s behavior is normal, and they can find themselves thinking long and hard about what they can do to help their child.

Younger children, below the age of four, can have multiple tantrums in a week. These can include kicking, crying, stomping, and pushing. As a child grows older, they ought to outgrow this behavior.

There are many reasons a child gets angry, including the following:

Family dysfunction and parenting styles

A harsh parenting style that does not consider the child’s needs and personality, or parenting that is inconsistent can lead to a child exhibiting anger and aggression.

Genetics

This and other biological factors can play a role in a child displaying anger and aggression.

Frustration

Like any adult, children can get angry when their expectations and intentions are frustrated. Anger might be triggered by not getting what they want, or by being told to do something they do not want to.

Environment and experiences

A child’s environment, which includes how the adults around them behave, influences whether a child handles feelings such as anger well. Experiences of trauma and abuse can also contribute to a child having anger issues, especially if that trauma is not processed well.

Mental health conditions

In children, mental health, and other conditions such as autism, ADHD, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and Tourette’s syndrome are often accompanied by anger issues.

Where necessary, you may need to take your child to a health professional to get a proper diagnosis of any of the conditions listed above.

Ways your child can learn how to control anger

Anger is a powerful emotion, and it can be difficult for a child to learn how to regulate it by themselves. This makes the role of a parent or caregiver crucial, as they can function as an important support and model for the child as they work through their experience of anger.

It is important to understand that being able to express anger appropriately is a learned behavior. It is also a behavior that can be taught to replace ineffective and harmful ways of dealing with anger that your child may have adopted.

Here are some useful suggestions for your journey in helping your child to deal effectively with their strong feelings of anger.

• Teach them that anger is a God-given emotion that needs to be expressed appropriately.
• Respect your child’s feelings and empathize with them.
• Model for them and lead by example in how to deal with big emotions.
• Teach them some practical problem-solving and conflict-resolution skills.
• Create a home environment where open and honest communication is encouraged.
• Create a space for them to express their anger in appropriate and healthy ways, teaching them ways to calm and soothe themselves.
• Help them to understand the difference between being aggressive and being angry.
• Give consequences for aggressive behavior or violence, while encouraging anger that is appropriately expressed.

If you are not making headway in your child’s learning to control anger, you may consider seeking the help of a mental health professional. Through therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy, your child can acquire effective strategies to help them regulate their angry thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

A counselor can also help your child learn how to better regulate their emotions, and find alternative ways of expressing their big feelings. Building skills in how to manage conflict, as well as how to resolve problems constructively will also be a crucial step in combating negative expressions of anger.

If your child has conditions such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD underlying their anger outbursts, a doctor can prescribe medication that can help manage the symptoms of these conditions.

A parent or caregiver can also help their child by growing their parenting toolkit to enable them to handle misbehavior better. Parent management techniques can help to produce a healthier family environment that helps to reduce a child’s angry outbursts.

If your child struggles with keeping their anger under control, do not hesitate to reach out to us. We will connect you with a qualified therapist in our directory to make an appointment. The counselor can walk your family through a process to determine underlying causes and well as build skills to create a more peaceful environment in your home.