How Codependency Affects Children

Within the family, codependency can have a significant impact on children. From their emotional well-being and development to current and future relationships, codependency has a deep impact on how children grow to view themselves and others. Codependent behavior can feel complex, which is why it is helpful to understand how codependency can influence children.

Codependency can be a learned behavior.

One of the most significant modes of learning for children is copying what they see. As a child observes their parents, they learn about how to behave and interact with others. When a parent models codependent behavior, children learn unhealthy behaviors by observing the parent.

Witnessing codependent behaviors can lead children to internalize these patterns. The patterns they learn can end up affecting future relationships as children carry them into their teen years and adulthood.

The emotional impact of codependency.

Every child experiences different emotions based on their unique tendencies, how they are raised, and the circumstances in which they live. When a child grows up in a codependent household they can sometimes feel responsible for the well-being of their parent or another family member. This can lead to experiencing an array of emotions, including confusion, anxiety, guilt, shame, and resentment.

Loss of individuality from codependency.

As a child grows up in a codependent home, they learn to prioritize the needs of others over their own. This shifts the focus from developing a sense of self as they are always concerned about the other person. As the child grows they may find it difficult to form their own identity.

Codependency leads to a lack of boundaries.

The lines between personal boundaries are often blurred in codependent relationships. The lack of personal boundaries being modeled for the child can make it difficult to understand how to implement them later in life. Because healthy boundaries are not prioritized the child may feel that they don’t deserve boundaries in relationships or that others won’t respect them. This can follow them into adulthood.

Challenges expressing needs because of codependency.

Everyone, even children have unique needs and desires. Growing up in a household with codependency makes it difficult for children to express their own needs and desires. Experience often shows them that their needs and feelings are not valued. They also might fear rejection, being wrong, or worry about upsetting their parents.

Codependency breeds over-responsibility.

When a child faces codependency in the home, they are often held responsible for things that are not their responsibility. This includes things like their parent’s emotions and well-being. Often, children in these situations feel like it is their job to fix things that seem wrong or cause tension. This can be done in a variety of ways from trying to please the parents with grades to relieving tension by making themselves almost invisible.

Codependency makes autonomy difficult.

When a child is constantly worried about making decisions based on another person’s needs, they don’t learn how to be independent. Making decisions for themselves becomes difficult. This can follow them through adulthood making it challenging to live the life they long for.

Repeating patterns because of codependency.

When a child learns a behavior like codependency, it becomes part of how they exist in and interact with the world. If there is an effort for change or intervention, children of codependent parents are more likely to repeat the patterns of codependent behaviors in their adult relationships.

Codependency can create problems with intimacy.

Physical and emotional intimacy are based on the foundation of healthy relationships. Codependency witnessed by children, even if they are not part of it, makes it harder for them to establish healthy, balanced intimate relationships in the future. Later on, they may struggle with vulnerability in their interactions with others and sharing who they are in trusting relationships.

Impact of codependency on a child’s mental health.

Children who grow up in a home with codependent relationships may be more likely to experience mental health challenges. Anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem are common issues faced by people who grow up in a codependent setting.

Christian Counseling for Codependency

Parents or caregivers in codependent situations should seek help and support to make changes. It is not only for their well-being but also for that of their children. If codependent relationships are a reality for you or a child in your life, there is hope.

Professional intervention, such as therapy or counseling, can be instrumental in breaking the cycle of codependency and creating a healthier family environment. A Christian counselor can provide a safe and nurturing space for a child to express themself. It can help them learn how to prioritize their independence benefiting them now and in the future. Connect with a Christian counselor on this site to learn more about breaking the hold of codependency.