What to Do If You’re in a Sexless Marriage

There is no clear-cut definition of a sexless marriage. Some experts define it as having sexual intercourse ten or fewer times a year; others, as not having had sex for a year or longer.

Can a sexless marriage be a happy one?

It depends on the couple and their mutual desires and expectations. There is no right amount of sex in a marriage. Frequency is only a problem if the spouses have discordant levels of desire and one of them is dissatisfied.

Intimacy is about more than sex. It includes sharing your feelings, holding hands, snuggling, or falling asleep in each other’s arms. A sexless marriage can be a happy one as long as both spouses share a deep emotional bond, communicate openly and honestly, feel connected and mutually satisfied with their relationship, and are both okay with their pattern of infrequent sex or none at all.

Reasons for a Sexless Marriage

Some of the most common reasons for a sexless marriage include aging, busy work schedules, having children, stress, illness, erectile dysfunction, hurt, anger, broken trust, lack of communication, or past trauma.

What does the Bible say about sex and marriage?

Sex is part of God’s plan for marriage. It is His gift to you, as a sign of your covenant union, and is meant to be an intimate, affirming, life-giving experience that unites you in a one-flesh relationship. It is designed to be one of the basic glues that hold a marriage together. When sex is withheld, it can strain your relationship and give rise to all kinds of doubts, concerns, and trust issues, and can lead to a breakdown in communication and emotional connection.

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to her husband. – 1 Corinthians 7:3-4, NIV

Unless there is a physical or medical condition that would prevent a couple from engaging in the act of sex, they should only abstain from it if both spouses agree to do so for a time of prayer, and then only for a short period of time.

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. – 1 Corinthians, 7:5, NIV

What to Do in Seasons of Sexlessness

Continue loving your spouse In seasons of sexlessness, continue loving your spouse just the same.

Address the issue Honest, open communication is key to solving sexual issues in your marriage. Try not to take it personally or assume that your spouse has lost interest in you. Express your feelings using “I” statements and avoid casting blame or making accusations.

Listen intently to your spouse without interrupting and validate his or her feelings. Feeling truly heard and understood can strengthen the connection between you, increase intimacy, and may lead to a renewed desire to have sex as well.

Put a temporary ban on sex Many therapists suggest that couples in a sexless marriage create a temporary ban on sex to take the pressure off and stop anxious feelings about needing to perform. During that time, reframe sex as intimacy rather than a physical activity.

Plan date nights with each other and do things together that you enjoy. Think of little things you used to do for each other before you got married to make each other feel special, and start doing them again.

Pray Pray for the Lord to help you be patient and tender toward your spouse, regardless, and to reveal any way you may be contributing to the issue. Ask Him to soften your spouse’s heart toward you and restore the physical intimacy to your marriage.

Join a support group A sexless marriage support group can provide a safe space in which to connect with others who have been in your shoes and can understand and empathize with what you are going through. In addition to validating you and letting you know you are not alone, it can provide support, guidance, and insights as others share how they have managed to overcome the challenge

Consider counseling Though a marriage with mismatched sexual desire presents challenges, they are challenges that can be overcome. A marriage counselor can help you identify the underlying issues so they can be dealt with, help you and your spouse understand each other’s perspectives and needs, guide you through sensitive discussions, and equip you with concrete strategies for getting your sex life back on track.

Christian Marriage Counseling in Rockwall, Texas

Christian marriage counseling in Rockwall, Texas involves a combination of secular clinical interventions, biblical principles, and prayer. If you are struggling with a sexless marriage and would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based marriage counselors in Rockwall, Texa to see how they can help you manage the challenges you are facing, please give us a call today at Texas Christian Counseling, Rockwall.