3 Signs of Anger Issues

Occasional irritation or frustration – even anger over a relationship issue from time to time – is probably normal, but how do you know whether what you are experiencing anger issues?

Anger issues can be expressed in three ways:

Outwardly: expressions of anger directed toward others. Examples of outward anger include yelling, smashing objects, or slamming doors.

Inwardly: expressions of anger usually directed toward oneself. Examples include berating yourself and self-harm.

Indirectly: passive expressions of anger. Examples of indirect expressions include sulking, sarcasm, or being silent to show your anger.

Anger issues may be very tough to distinguish from just generally feeling angry. While it may be normal, anger, like any other emotion, may be sinful or righteous, depending on what has motivated it, its appropriateness to the situation, or its expression (to give a few examples). Also, it is well to remember that no emotion, no matter how good, is ever unstained by our sin.

However, when anger begins to feel like it’s your primary characteristic or disrupts work or relationships, this may signal anger issues. To know if you are dealing with something more than intermittent frustration or anger, it’s important to look at four things: how frequently you get angry, what causes your anger, how you respond to anger, and how anger impacts your thought processes.

How frequently do you get angry?

There is no fixed rule on the number of times you’re allowed to be angry, but understanding how anger can be provoked is important. Knowing what anger looks like may reveal that you’re angrier more often than you thought.

You might be angry more often than you realize if you are frequently irritable, frustrated, or internally restless. The other way to know if you are angry more often than not is to look at your overall responses to people, circumstances or situations, and objects.

For example, if you fly off the handle when your dog needs to go outside after you’ve been away for a while, you get frustrated with your son for not picking up his shoes (again), and you’ve tried to untangle the fishing poles for a few minutes unsuccessfully – all in the same couple of hours – it’s a good indication that your anger is sinful, and might be masking something deeper.

Frequent frustration, anger, or irritation at people, circumstances, and objects may indicate that you have anger issues. Anger issues need repentance, resolve to put them aside, accompanied by renewed faith in God.

Anger issues: What causes your anger?

It is normal to stub a toe and feel that flash of anger. It’s also normal to experience frustration when you are assigned a group project at work where one person does nothing and still gets credit. However, there is a range of anger responses that are proportionate to what triggered them.

A stubbed toe, for instance, doesn’t merit throwing a glass against the wall. Similarly, a co-worker who takes credit without doing the work is not reason enough to yell in his face or refuse to talk to him for the next several weeks. These are examples of anger responses that aren’t equal to the triggers and are therefore sinful.

If you are unsure about what triggers your anger, it may be helpful to keep a journal. Make a note on your phone when you experience physiological or emotional anger cues. These might include a rapid heartbeat, flushed or hot feelings in your skin, or an intense desire to move or expense physical energy. Emotional signals may include feelings of anxiety, irritation, frustration, or guilt.

A stranger who doesn’t hold the door open for your wife, however, shouldn’t evoke an angry response. Or if you experience intense anxiety or frustration over a kid shouting in a store because his mom won’t get him the toy he wants, that may be a sign of an anger issue.

How do you respond to anger?

We all respond to anger in different ways, but some responses should act as a red flag. Being irritated by something or frustrated almost every day is something we’d recommend consulting a counselor about. Your ever-present irritation may be a result of anger.

If you respond in aggression toward another person, be it a stranger or someone you love, that’s not a good sign. Seeking immediate help is important particularly if your words or physical actions are causing others in your life to suffer emotionally or physically.

How do the friends and family members who know you well respond to you? Do they typically avoid you when you come in from a trip or home from the office? Has a friend tried to express that your response may have been a bit “over the top” on more than one occasion? Sometimes it’s tough to be your own critic, but friends and family who love you may be showing you signs that anger is a pervasive issue.

If you take out frustration on yourself with thoughts of suicide, self-harm, or repeated name-calling, it’s important to ask for help from a trusted, licensed professional counselor. They can provide help and a more neutral assessment.

Multiple conflicts with co-workers, causing an entire restaurant to stop and stare while you “let the server have it” or regularly getting into intense arguments are all warning signs of anger issues.

Anger issues: How does anger impact your thought processes?

When we think of a person who is frequently angry, we may not see it in ourselves. Why? We don’t look in the mirror and see a hothead staring back at us. That’s just one characterization of someone with anger issues.

While you may not explode at those around you, your thought processes may suffer because you struggle with anger. If you can’t seem to focus on the tasks at work because you are replaying a situation that caused you frustration over and over again in your mind, anger might be an issue.

Sadness can also be a sign of anger that’s not been recognized or dealt with in a healthy way. Prolonged feelings of sadness, lack of motivation, or hopelessness are all clues that could have their roots in anger.

Becoming fixated on a situation that makes you angry is another form of an anger issue. Even if your anger is justified because, for instance, you discovered that your accountant was stealing from you, it is important to be able to feel your emotions and still carry on with everyday life and responsibilities. If your anger over a specific circumstance has taken over your ability to fulfill your role as a father or to do your best at work, it might be time to talk to a counselor.

If I show signs of anger issues, what do I do?

What do you do if you’ve discovered that you have anger issues?

First of all, you must repent. Uncontrolled, unwarranted, and disproportionate anger is a sin that needs to be repented of before God. Ask Him to forgive you and help you to get your attitude back on the path of holiness, righteousness, and truth. Recognizing your sin and agreeing with God that it is wrong must come before any other kind of help can be effective.

Other types of help are available in many forms. You can learn more about coping mechanisms through online research, of course, but the next step would be to talk to your pastor, a trusted friend, or even a licensed professional counselor who can help you uncover the root of your anger issues. He or she can then help you discuss ways to manage your anger that not only bring change but also fit into your everyday life.

A counselor may suggest Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which explores the “why” behind our behaviors. A counselor may use it to look at unhelpful ways of thinking that relate to your anger issues, what patterns of unhelpful behavior you’ve learned over the years, and teach you coping mechanisms to manage your emotions.

Other helpful resources a counselor might suggest include mindfulness techniques which can help you acknowledge how you’re feeling without being a slave to that emotion. Lifestyle changes such as exercise, yoga, or breathing deeply can also be helpful tools.

If you think anger may be an issue for you or it may be interfering with your work and/or interpersonal relationships, contact one of our counselors. We’re here to help.